Amish Hacks?

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I’m just writing to get back into the habit of writing here twice a week. I picked up the book Get Your Act Together by Pam Young and Peggy Jones (from Sidetracked Home Executives) because it’s Sunday, and I’m resting, and I wanted motivation to continue decluttering and assigning homes to everything in my house, and they’re funny, and they make me laugh…

I opened to Chapter 3: “Why You’ll Never Meet A Disorganized Amish.” They made some good points about why an Amish mom wouldn’t have to fly through the house yelling at everyone to get ready for company the next day. There wouldn’t be anything to pick up, because they don’t collect stuff in the first place! And she wouldn’t have to shriek at her teenager to “Turn down that music and get off the phone!” because there wouldn’t be a stereo and there wouldn’t be a phone. There would be no fights over the TV clicker either. Nobody would have to put the cover back on the VCR or round up the tapes and match them to their jackets. (So what if this book is dated. I like the way these ladies think.) There would be no need to work at the nail polish stain on the carpet… So true.

This brought back a memory of me scrolling YouTube into the wee hours of the morning, some time ago, and taking notes on my phone about things Amish people did to simplify life. I looked through my Notes app and found one called “12 Amish hacks”. It was created August 12, 2025 at 1:10 AM. (Sounds like something I’d do.)

What can we glean from my notes?

Inventory

Write what we use daily

What do we never use?

This could be time consuming, but the information could be useful.

One item for one purpose no Duplicates

Bobby would never go for this.

Simplicity over style

How much is decoration only? To impress?

I’d be happy with less on our walls.

Not to serve

Rotate

Rotate what?

Build don’t buy

Could you buy the building materials? This is making me feel lazy. I think of how I can just touch my phone screen and boxes will arrive on my porch. If we had to build everything, we would have much less stuff around here.

Fixing instead of tossing

I fixed my clogged up sink the other day. It took me a couple of hours and some aggressive plunging, but tossing it was not an option.

Respect for what you own

This is admirable.

Empty spaces sacred

They calm the eyes and rest the mind 

Totally agree.

Usefulness is beauty 

What is beautiful in your home?

If it doesn’t serve, then it doesn’t shine 

An idea to ponder…

Quiet over noise

Visual silence

The habit of letting go

Don’t call it loss call it release

Shared over owned

Living with enough

These aren’t really hacks. These are values. 

10 Amish secrets to keep your home, always organized

  1. Keep only what’s necessary Oh my, I have so many things that are not necessary.
  2. A place for everything and everything in its place (looks tidy, don’t waste time searching, set rules for your items, return them to their places after use) I’m working on it.
  3. Functional furniture over fancy furniture (every piece of furniture has a job, a chair is for sitting…) I don’t think I own fancy furniture.
  4. daily routines (morning, afternoon, evening, not delaying, not I’ll do it later, do it immediately, become second nature, doesn’t feel like work) I delay many things, especially working out.
  5. Handmade storage solutions (give everything a proper home)
  6. Seasonal living (living spaces open and uncluttered, rotating, respecting the seasons, stored neatly and labeled, only keep what you’re currently using in sight) This is a practice I do with clothing and decor, and may be able to do with other possessions.
  7. Community sharing reduces excess (create connection, reduces waste, keeps home lighter) I don’t think I do this.
  8. Repair instead of replace (fix immediately, it’s discipline, respect for object) I usually repair eventually, not immediately, but trying to get better about this.
  9. Clean as you go (later creates clutter, later steals peace) 👍
  10. Simplicity creates peace (don’t chase trends, live with less, every extra object is another decision another demand, keep only what matters, don’t waste time, chasing perfection, create order) Good advice.

I’ve been taking lots of steps towards simplicity. Some of them are letting go of physical possessions. I am also really trying to do things right away instead of putting them off until later. Though I’m still struggling with procrastination in working out, I’ve been doing a lot of household tasks immediately… like making the phone call, writing the note, putting things away. Now, I need to stop procrastinating going to bed.

Decluttering Books

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This is a HARD category for me. The good news is I have a deadline, which motivates me. The local library is having a book sale in a couple of weeks, so they are taking donations now. I’m on it!

Here were the piles:

YES SCANNED

SARAH’S

IDK

MAYBE

KEEP BUT NOT IN LIBRARY

YESES TO SCAN

DONATE

HANNAH’S

RACHEL’S

JOE’S

MARY’S

BOB’S

MATTHEW’S

ONE OF THE KIDS

JODIE’S

I know I made progress because the donate pile is pretty large. Many of the books I’m letting go of are homeschooling materials that I’m fairly certain I’d never use again. (A fellow former homeschooler is going to post them in a homeschooling Facebook group for me. I’ll see if there are any takers.) This has been a gradual process of letting go for me. The curricula and books went out in waves. I thought I might be finished last time, but nope, there’s still more I don’t need.

I downloaded an app called Libib to inventory the keepers. One thing I discovered is that I have books all over the house. Check this out.

I started out by keeping the books that I love and think I’m gonna read again, the books that I really want to read someday, and some reference books. I got rid of the books that are not up to my standard for quality, or that I wasn’t really interested in reading again, or for the first time. Then I added in a bunch of picture books that I love, and that are still in decent shape. For grandchildren? Young visitors?

I was considering keeping some books that are on popular book lists in case I might want to read them someday. Uh oh… sounds like just in case…

And what about the cookbooks I don’t use? Like this one…

I don’t use it anymore, but I used to use it all the time. That’s why it looks the way it does. How is this meeting my quality standard?

I decided that I’m not keeping books on popular book lists just in case. One reason is because I estimated that it would take me 2 to 5 years to read all of the books I was already keeping. And another reason is I could waste a lot of time reading lousy books on lists. I recently had a bad experience with our movie poster list. We started scratching off movies we watched on our “Top 100” movie poster in 2020. We’re getting close to finishing it now. A couple of weeks ago we watched part of A Clockwork Orange. We didn’t finish it, and I was quite disturbed that I saw what I saw, and that it would even be on our list, or any list. How many times can I use the word list?

Anyway, this has been a successful purge. Here are the stats for “my” books (not including books in Bobby’s study or in the kids’ rooms). 12% of the books are no longer “mine”. They either belonged to someone else all along, or someone kept a book I was purging. 26% of the books are going out the door, some back to my sister and some are being donated. This means I have kept 62%, but I have let go of 38% of the books! I’m planning to do it again next March or April before the library book sale. Maybe then I’ll be ready to let go of more. For now, I am pleased that I am feeling lighter and freer. I wish I had a better word for it. Also, all of my books have assigned homes.

Before & After

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Bobby bought a refrigerator to go in our pantry. It isn’t here yet, but last week I made the decision to paint our pantry before it arrives. I moved its contents into our dining room and kitchen. Then, I went away for the weekend. Bobby and I attended a convention in Hyannis, which was very nice.

This week I prepped, painted the ceiling, trim, and walls, and returned about 75% of the items back into the pantry. I moved the remaining 25% into the basement. I worked fairly quickly because I wanted to clean the house and prepare for Rachel’s birthday party on Saturday. I needed to skip some of my usual activities on Wednesday and Thursday, including working out and preparing healthy meals, but… mission accomplished!

While I worked, I listened to some talks on Theology of the Body and world religions. These were educational. I also listened to some YouTube videos about decluttering, and one video, by Fr. Columba Jordan, that has stuck in my mind because of the question he asked: Are you replacing contact with content? What a catchy little phrase!

Since today is the beginning of Holy Week, I am going to try to make this week a quiet one. I’m planning to declutter and deep clean my kitchen. I am also going to try to remain open and attentive to the Presence of God. Maybe I can keep away from the TV and my iPhone, talk less, listen more, and just be in the moment.

I might journal. I hope to slow down a bit… to remove the distractions… I’m going to start now with a Taize Holy Hour at our parish Church. Peace.

Experiment #6: A Place for Everything and Everything in its Place

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Let’s talk about this dream of mine. I’ve called this project “home assignments” because I’ve been trying to assign a home to each of our possessions, (and often to label the spots where they go) so it’s easy for people (usually me) to put things away. I start and stop and don’t finish.

I found a great article called “Everything in its Place, Finally and Forever” on a site called Raptitude. Reading about his 11 unexpected benefits, and in particular, the clearer mind, got me so inspired to finish this project. I’m already gathering up stuff that doesn’t have a home.

“I don’t want to own anything that I don’t use or don’t appreciate,” the author states. That sounds so simple. And he completes the experiment in one month, and gets rid of 80% of his things! Now, I realize that he’s a single guy, living in an apartment, which is completely different from my situation. So, maybe it’ll take me longer than 30 days, and maybe I’ll be lucky to get rid of 8% our things, but the results would be similar, right?

“I could hide messes, but the simple fact was that I had more stuff than I could care for. Most people do.” I hear you, brother.

Maybe… maybe… I could do an experiment just like he did. Maybe having a deadline would help me to focus.

Experiment #6:

“I resolve to get rid of everything I am not prepared to use and give a permanent place to in my home.” I’ll go room by room, closet by closet, drawer by drawer, shelf by shelf, and when I’m done everything will have a home. I will give myself until the end of April to complete this experiment. That will be in six weeks and one day.

I read in a book (I think The Joy of Less by Francine Jay) about dealing with clutter as if playing the game, Musical Chairs. (For the record, I’ve never liked that game. People can get pretty aggressive when trying to secure a seat. But we’re talking about clutter here, not people.) This idea gives me a lovely, easy-to-remember visual. Everything in my house should have a place, or a “chair” if you will. When the music stops, all you items lying around without a chair, you’re out!

A Family Weekend

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My daughters, Hannah and Sarah, were performing this past weekend. Hannah played Scuttle, an eccentric seagull, in her high school’s version of The Little Mermaid. And Sarah was in the Pit Orchestra, playing the piano for Anything Goes at another local high school.

On top of watching four plays in three days, I also took my mom out to breakfast for her birthday, visited with many family members and a couple of friends at the plays, and we had my father over for an Oscars party. We are a big movie watching family, though I’ve been watching them a lot less than I used to. We filled out Oscar ballots to guess who the Oscars would go to and I failed miserably at the guessing. It was my husband, Bobby, who got the most correct. He hadn’t seen many of the movies, so I was surprised he beat Joseph and my Dad.

Other news: I am still trying to get our refrigerator repaired, and still waiting for our new vacuum cleaner. (Our hose fell apart.)

I’ll end this post with a few more pictures of my favorite character. (Drawing by my son, Joseph)

Season of Renewal

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Years ago, I read a book called Seasons of a Mother’s Heart by Sally Clarkson. I no longer own it, but I remember it being good for me at that time. I was a new homeschooling mom with small children. It had 12 chapters, beginning with a section called “Spring: A Season of Renewal”, and I would plan to read one chapter a month, and then I’d forget about it. It seemed I would pick it up again every spring, just when I was in need of a renewal of my spirit.

Today, while driving the truck through our neighborhood, and appreciating the blue sky, the sun shining, and the birds chirping; I thought to myself…. season of renewal.

It’s usually during the Church season of Lent that I turn back to practices that would be beneficial for me to never leave. This year is a little different. For Lent, I have continued much of what I had been doing already, with the exception of my recommitment to paring down possessions and reducing distractions. Here I am (no doubt) starting again.

In 2010, I had a blog called My Simple Spot. For one year, I wrote consistently about my adventures in simplifying. I recently read those posts and was surprised to find that I am following a similar pattern now, on a journey like I was on back then, although I’m not writing as frequently. I’m also not homeschooling my children anymore, or taking care of five people under the age of 13. And even more surprising…that year I was pregnant, had a miscarriage, and by the fall was pregnant again. So in comparison, my current endeavor should be a piece of cake, right?

I also have the benefit of learning from the experiences of my 16 years younger self. I’m reminded of things that work:

  • Stop buying unnecessary items
  • Practice the In/Out rule
  • Limit time online
  • Setting limits to reduce choices
  • Focus on your own stuff
  • Make hard decisions now
  • Detach and trust in God’s Providence
  • The 30 day list for purchase ideas
  • A place for everything

And some things that didn’t work:

  • Procrastinating starting
  • Procrastinating decisions
  • Procrastinating by reading and researching more and more methods
  • Turning to books instead of prayer
  • Giving up

What a great time of year to begin again!





Lent 2026

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Maybe this is my new thing… blogging while walking on the treadmill. For many years, I blogged while nursing babies. Back then, I was typing on a keyboard, now I am talking into the microphone on my iphone. What do I have to say?

Before Lent begins, I often pray and think about what I could do to grow closer to God in the six weeks before Easter. This year was completely different. Ash Wednesday kind of sneaked up on me. I think it was on Mardi Gras, (which I didn’t celebrate this year) that I got an email from Ascension about the Crux series. I read a little bit about it and Bam! That was what I was doing. I even paid the $4.99 for 90 days of using premium access on the Ascension app, which already seems worth it to me.

The theme is surrendering your life totally to God. This is something I desire greatly, and can use all the help I can get in practicing it daily.

In my own words, the plan is to read the Gospel of St. Mark, and to do a daily Examen, which St. Ignatius of Loyola is known for. The app gives you prompts to help with that. And then there are two physical components. These are daily fasting and daily exercise. These are personal. Maybe something that is a bit of a stretch, but doable with God’s help. There are also daily video reflections by Fr. Columba Jordan, CFR. I am adding in decluttering 15 minutes a day, which has nothing to do with the Crux program.

The Belly Fat Boot Camp Challenge is winding down. On Monday morning, I will take my final measurements and my “after” photos. I feel like it was a success. This is the third challenge I’ve done. The first was in January 2024, my husband and I did one together in May 2025, and this one began in January 2026. I wonder if this challenge was easier for me because it was my third one, or because the exercises were not as demanding as in the other two. I’d prefer to think that my mindset has improved. I used to think doing the workouts and eating the healthy foods was so difficult that I couldn’t continue with it for very long after the challenge ended. Now, with a little increase in caloric intake, I think it’s totally sustainable. I don’t know if it’s because I’m not homeschooling anymore and I have more time, or if I just want it now. Maybe… I actually want to be healthy now that I’m 56 years old. I believe God wants me to take care of my body as well as my soul. I don’t think he wants me to be a slave to a sugar addiction (or any addiction). He came to set the captives free.

I’m in a preparation mode. I’m getting ready for the next season of my life. I don’t know what that is yet, but I think it will be revealed to me when the time comes. In the meantime, I’m trusting Him, and I’m walking on this super old treadmill. And I’m using my voice to express the hope I feel.

Book Notes: Uncluttered Faith and Staying Focused on the Positives

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So I haven’t really done much minimizing around my house since my last post. One day, I looked through my nightstand and wanted to keep everything, including the book light that I probably use once a year (because it’s cozy to read under the covers in the dark sometimes). I really have no need of a book light, because even when my husband is home, he has the ability to sleep while I read with the lamp on. I’ve quickly discovered how attached I am to material possessions that I do not need, or use.

My next attempt to declutter was my clothing. I have a dresser and a small closet. Here I realized how much I’ve accumulated in recent years. I’ve written about capsule wardrobes and Project 333 on this blog in the past. I may have taken the easy way out by deciding to do Project 333 again. I’m keeping out only 33 items, including outerwear, accessories, and shoes, for three months (in this case, until spring). I chose my 33 items, and threw away two stained items and four ratty socks. I am donating two pairs of jeans that don’t fit right, and I packed up the rest. I now have three plastic bins full of clothes in the basement (that I’m procrastinating going through). When I used to do this, I think I had only one partially full plastic bin in the basement. Apparently, I’ve been accumulating clothing.

Today, I was upstairs with the girls and I looked at the books, the DVDs, and the puzzles. I declared that I will be decluttering those soon, but not today.

I think I may have a little fear about getting started. I recalled that I had fear before beginning the Belly Fat Bootcamp Challenge. I wasn’t exactly sure how it would go. Would I be able to keep up with the exercises and cooking the food? Now, I’m five weeks in and it doesn’t seem so difficult.

I’m definitely seeing similarities between my taking care of my body and taking care of my home. I go through spurts where I work out and eat healthy foods, and when they end, I go back to my old sugary food habits and not working out much. I’m also good at decluttering and organizing for a time, and then stopping before I get to the results I really want. You could call it yo-yo dieting, yo-yo exercising, and yo-yo minimizing. Surely, I could choose to change my lifestyle permanently in both areas, couldn’t I?

I think I need a change in attitude. I finished reading the book uncluttered faith. At the end, there is a bonus section called The Becker Method: A Seven Step Guide to Becoming Minimalist. Here is a quote from Step 2:

… it is so important to focus on the positives at the beginning and throughout this process. Rather than dwelling on what you’re losing, celebrate what you’re gaining. Instead of being motivated by the negatives of consumerism, you’ll find greater momentum by thinking about the positives of minimalism. This is why this book has focused exclusively on the spiritual benefits and blessings of owning less. (Pg. 207)

This stood out to me as something that I haven’t done consistently. I keep tending to focus on what I can’t eat. I focus on those Super Bowl cupcakes in the pantry, the bag of peanut M&Ms on the counter, or the smell of the frozen pizza in the oven. I think of how long it’s gonna take me to finish a workout. I could just as easily focus on my smaller waist, the definition starting to appear in my arms, or how blessed I am to be able to go to the store and buy ground chicken and protein powder, which can be quite expensive. I could be grateful for my health.

I could also be grateful for the material possessions that I use everyday or every week. Instead of being afraid that I might someday need something that I don’t use very often, I could focus on the freedom I will feel when I choose to live more simply. Maybe I’ll be less scattered and distracted. I can think of the time I will have to spend on what really matters to me now, instead of being sad to lose something I used to use in the past and no longer need.

This book really does lay out many of the benefits to owning less. It also discusses many of the Gospel teachings, which I know so well, but I don’t follow so well. This is something that I will certainly pray about. It’s easy to think that these teachings will not lead to happiness, even though I know that God wants what’s best for me. I’ll end with a quote from the book related to this, that I found encouraging.

This was my attitude – until I actually started living out Jesus‘s teachings on money and possessions. As soon as I did, I began to understand on a deeper level that all God‘s greatest blessings lie on the other side of obedience. There is a better life for us in all His commands, including the ones to give away money and belongings. (Pg. 12)

Minimalism Revisited

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Did you know that I used to be an aspiring minimalist? It’s true.

I’ve got about 3000 more steps to go on this treadmill; so I’m going to tell you the whole story.

I think I had some minimalist tendencies when I was in my early 20’s. I refused to use a pocketbook (or a purse as I think people call them nowadays.) I would put my driver’s license and a credit card in my back pocket, my keys in my front pocket, and I was good to go. If I went to the beach, I brought a towel and a book. The first time my husband saw my apartment, he said, “Where’s all your stuff?” In my living room, I had a couch, a small TV on a stand, a VCR, and some cinder blocks with boards on them, holding a small book collection. I also had a bed, a dresser, a kitchen table and some chairs. I don’t know if I was actually a minimalist though. Maybe I was just afraid to spend money.

I remember the first time I decluttered. It was when I was very pregnant for my first child. I had bought a book called Totally Organized and I was determined to get there before the baby came out. There was a chapter called “The Art of Throwing Out”. After reading it, I did my first purge. I probably got rid of some clothing and kitchen stuff, but at the same time, in came all the new baby stuff.

For the next 10 years we accumulated. I may have been doing some decluttering throughout this time, but everything was replaced with more stuff. We moved from the apartment to our first home. There were birthday gifts and Christmas gifts and hand-me-downs and taking in other people’s donations. We bought furniture and lamps and decor. I started homeschooling, so I bought math manipulatives and books and curricula. While I was pregnant for baby number four, we built a home that was about three times as large as our first home. We moved when she was three months old and eventually added more furniture and decor.

In 2008, baby number five was born and I couldn’t handle the stuff management any longer. I forgot to mention, that in those 10 years I probably read about 40 books about simplifying. The current one was It’s All Too Much by Peter Walsh. The title was so appropriate. I did the biggest purge I had done up to that point. It was in 2009, that I first heard the word minimalism. I think my friend told me about a blog post explaining the concept, and I proceeded to read online as much as possible about it. It was then that I became an aspiring minimalist. I’ve tried most of the methods. Konmari made me want to replace my crappy old colander and clothes. I’ve done Project 333 and built capsule wardrobes. I’ve read about Swedish Death Cleaning… you get the picture.

So what happened? The stuff just kept coming in. Baby number six was born. I studied Happy Are You Poor by Thomas Dubay. I saw the biblical reasons for living with less. I continued to declutter regularly. Sometimes my kids would even help. Everyone has their own things that they are attached to. Some people like clothes, makeup and skin care products, some like Legos or DVD’s, or stuffed animals or electronics. Maybe a sheet music collection or hundreds of convention badges. My thing is books. I started to think that maybe it’s just good enough to keep things organized. And when we got the apartment in New York City; I completely gave up. Having two residences seemed to kill my dream of being a minimalist.

Then last week I received an email from Joshua Becker asking if I was interested in pre-ordering his new book, Uncluttered Faith. Sounded interesting. It came with a four week Uncluttered Faith Experience. OK! I received the book a couple of days ago and started reading it. The ideas are similar to the ones in Happy Are You Poor, with more of a focus on the benefits of minimalism, particularly the benefits to your faith.

I started to aspire once again. I actually have more time than I used to, maybe now is the time to do it. I’m thinking I’ll use a method I tried when I was organizing the basement last fall. (Didn’t finish.) It’s basically journaling and asking for God’s guidance for every decision, no matter how small.

So that’s what I’m planning to do. I’ll write about my progress here. I’m way over 11,000 steps now so it’s a good time to stop and get ready for bed.

Book Notes: A Retreat With Saint Therese & Helplessness

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Oops! The number of books I am currently reading, according to my Goodreads app, is 16. I just keep starting new books and not finishing the old ones. Today, I am determined to write a blog post. I have many ideas swirling around in my mind. Now that I’m writing, I can see two main ideas that I would like to talk about. One is “helplessness” and the other is “minimalism or spiritual poverty and faith”.

The first comes from a book I’ve been reading, with a group of Catholic women, called A Retreat with Saint Therese. According to Goodreads, I started reading this book 9 months ago. That’s probably right. A woman in my neighborhood likely started this group in April of last year. We met twice a month, took a very long break in the summer and fall, and started meeting again in January.

The second comes from two books. Uncluttered Faith by Joshua Becker and Happy Are You Poor by Fr. Thomas Dubay. I read the latter many years ago and I just started reading the Becker book last night. It’s clear to me now that I’m not ready to talk about those quite yet. 

So helplessness it is! You probably already know a lot about this famous saint, but if not, here is a quick and oversimplified explanation to give some context. Saint Therese talks about wanting to find a very direct little way to heaven, instead of taking the steep staircase, which she believes she is too little to climb. She tries to find a lift to carry her up to Jesus. She realizes that the lift is the arms of Jesus. Here is a paragraph from the book regarding this:

Enlightened by the Holy Ghost, Therese perfectly understood these words of Wisdom. “To be wholly little,” that is to say, to know and love our helplessness, and for that reason “to go to Him,” that is to Infinite Love; this is how we enter the lift. And then He carries us up; He does it, not we ourselves. All we have to do is not to interfere, to yield ourselves to His upward movement. He lifts us up above ourselves, above our wretchedness and our shortcomings, and, little by little, will free us from our ourselves, from our egoism! That is His work, His essential work. He will do this divine work if, while desiring its realization in us, we rely in no way on ourselves, but rather, fearlessly, unhesitatingly and unreservedly on Him, on His gratuitous and all-powerful Love. The desire to love, humility, confidence; that is all.

(Page 41)

I included the whole paragraph because the whole thing is great, but the part that has stuck in my mind for a month is: “to know and love our helplessness.” This was a new idea to me. Not knowing my helplessness. I’m grateful that I often know it. And intellectually, I understand, and have experienced, surrendering, (usually out of desperation) and relying unreservedly on Him. I have often been humbled and realized I need to stop interfering and let Him do his work. The new idea for me was to love my helplessness. Have I ever done that? I don’t think so. How am I going to be “wholly little”? This has been in the back of my mind.

I wondered if I ever wanted to be little. Was there a time when I wanted to be helpless? Do I even want to become like a little child? Did I love being a child when I was a child? I think I was usually rather serious. But I could be silly too.

I remember that day when I was playing with my sister in the finished basement of our home, and my mom called us upstairs. My brother was there and my mom sat us down on the couch. She told us that she and my dad were getting a divorce. I think I started crying. It gets a little blurry. I remember my mother giving me paper grocery bags and me filling one with my shoes and one with my stuffed animals. And I think she told me I needed clothes. We were trying to get out of the house before my dad got home and we were going to stay with my grandparents. I remember feeling like an observer that day. Watching my grandmother bring my mother a drink. Sitting on my grandparents’ couch as they discussed something… I don’t remember feeling anything. I was nine, my brother was eight, and my sister was four.

That was in the spring. In the fall, I went to a new school. I wrote about the divorce in the assigned essay about what I did that summer. I wrote about how it was the best thing for everybody. How my parents were not happy together and now they would be happy. Looking back now, it’s clear that I wanted people to think I was fine.

I continued with this strategy. I was calm, cool and collected. My mother said I handled disappointment well. My grandmother said I wasn’t moody, I always had the same disposition. I was proud that my hands didn’t shake and I didn’t have panic attacks. I was proud of my good grades. I thought of myself as strong. I acted like I didn’t care what people thought of me. I became a helper, a problem solver, a good listener. I became a people pleaser. I don’t think I wanted to be helpless or needy or dependent. As an adult, I never wanted to go back to my childhood.

So here I am now at 56 years old. I’ve learned some truths over the years. I’m aware that I’ve believed a lot of lies. I think the more time I spend in the Presence of the Blessed Sacrament, the more real I become. I am able to know my helplessness and my dependence, and also my loveableness. Today, while I was praying, I felt completely seen inside and out. It was as if I dropped everything I would have hidden behind in the past. And I kind of liked it. It gave me hope that I could one day love my helplessness. Maybe I would like to be little.

Amazingly, the Magnificat Meditation of the Day (2/10/26) seemed to fit my situation this morning.

Discouragement… springs from self-love and is a rebellion against our littleness and poverty. We do more harm to ourselves by yielding to discouragement over our imperfections, than by falling through weakness, because we deprive ourselves of the means of getting back up again. Discouragement shows too how defective is our trust in God. God comes to our help in proportion to our confidence and littleness, measuring his gifts by our trust. The Lord needs nothing but our humility and confidence to work his miracles and marvels. Such childlike trust makes us more apt for the working of his consuming and transforming love.

God does not intend his mercy to stop with us as individuals, however. We are to offer to others the pardon we ourselves have received. Confronting our own sinfulness is liberating, enabling us to put away the mask of untruthfulness and to be fully ourselves before God and those around us. It also means that we are not scandalized by the weakness of others, knowing that we share in it in a mysterious way through our common humanity…

(Sister Mary David Totah, O.S.B.)

I see this as encouragement to desire greater humility and confidence in God. I’ll admit I’ve been desiring to love my helplessness ever since I read that line. And I’ll end with another encouraging passage from the book:

This is what she says: “I have always longed to become a saint, but, alas, I have always found that when I compare myself to them, there is the same difference that we see in nature between the mountain peak lost in the clouds, and the tiny grain of sand trodden under the feet of the passers-by. Far from being discouraged, I say to myself: God would never put unrealizable desires into our hearts…” Let us pause here for a moment. The saint’s reasoning is admirable. God, the Holy Ghost, never inspires the soul with desires that cannot be gratified. He only awakens desires in order to satisfy them, and more completely than we can imagine or ask for.

(Pages 39-40)