Book Notes: Leisure- The Basis of Culture, Sections IV & V

November 4, 2024 / Cheryl Wilcox / Leave a comment

I want to wrap up this book study so I can move onto a new one. That doesn’t sound like a very good attitude, does it? This book is just not that exciting to me anymore. I started the study in January 2023. Shocking! And I will finish what I started.

Section IV opens up a can of worms that I don’t want to open. It seems to be pointing out differences of philosophies. Of which philosophies, I am not sure. I’m guessing Marxist ideas versus the ideas of the Catholic Church or Christianity in general.

He spends most of this section on what he calls, “Excursus on the Proletariat and Deproletarianization”. I don’t really want to go into it too much, so here’s my speedy overview:

Proletarians are people who are fettered to the process of work. They can be people from all levels of society, and there are different reasons why someone might be in this state of mind.

The author suggests combining three things in order to deproletarianize:

“…by giving the wage earner the opportunity to save and acquire property, by limiting the power of the state, and by overcoming the inner impoverishment of the individual.” (59)

Liberating a man from the process of work would require not only giving him opportunities to have activity that is not “work” (real leisure), but also that he’d be capable of leisure. He ends with the question: with what kind of activity is man to occupy his leisure?

In Section V, The main idea is that the core of leisure is celebration.

“Celebration is the point at which the three elements of leisure come to a focus: relaxation, effortlessness, and superiority of ‘active leisure’ to all functions.” (65)

He argues that celebration is man’s affirmation of the universe and his experiencing the world in an aspect other than its everyday one. The most intense affirmation of the world would be praising God. So, divine worship is the basis of celebration.

I thought this quote was interesting:

“ the vacancy left by absence of worship is filled by mere killing of time and by boredom, which is directly related to inability to enjoy leisure; for one can only be bored if the spiritual power to be leisurely has been lost.” (69)

I can remember being bored a lot as a kid. Sometimes I just didn’t know what to do with myself. There were many things I could do, but I couldn’t decide what I wanted to do. It makes sense to me that I would be confused or indecisive without having much self-knowledge, without a connection to God, and the trust in His guidance. I can still feel that way occasionally, but much less often as an adult because when I have an inability to enjoy leisure, I fill the time with work. This also makes me think about my YouTube problem. Is “the vacancy left by absence of worship filled by mere killing of time” in the form of scrolling on YouTube?

Solution: worship

Experiment #5 Results

November 1, 2024November 1, 2024 / Cheryl Wilcox / Leave a comment

Here’s where I tell you what I learned from my Experiment #5: Internet Limits.

The Experiment

Starting now, until the end of October, (a little more than 10 days) do not use an Internet browser after 8 PM. Also, limit time on YouTube to one hour per week.

What I Did

10/21/24

I watched some YouTube videos the kids were watching on TV. Does that count? I don’t think so. I did not go on the Internet after 8 PM. I had a strong desire to try to find an explanation for the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey. I had to go to bed, thinking that it was boring and made no sense.

10/22/24

I woke in (what I thought was) the middle of the night, and was tempted to go on my phone for a variety of reasons, mostly stemming from curiosity. I wondered why. It was a compulsive feeling. I could describe it as “driven to distraction” (the title of a book I’ve heard of, but never read). I thought it might’ve been better if I had specified the entire time I was to stay off the Internet, such as: from 8:00 p.m. to 8:00 a.m. Eventually, I picked up my phone, and found it was 6:20. I usually get up at six. Today, I was hoping to sleep till seven.

(I removed the huge journal entry of haphazard thoughts written that morning. I’ll share some of them in the next section.)

10/23/24

Sent Bob links to Old Navy pajamas after 8. After the movies…

10/23/24

Listened to a YouTube video for over an hour while cleaning. I’m already past the week’s limit. Went on the internet a lot after 8 pm. Looking up stuff on Wikipedia…. in bed.

10/24/24

Online and on YouTube in bed in the morning.

10/25/24

YouTube in bed.

10/26/24

YouTube in bed late.

10/27/24 & 10/28/24

Failed miserably.

10/29/24

Cold turkey?

Watched a video while I ate in my room so I didn’t have to hear the show the kids were watching. On phone late at night.

10/30/24

Idk

10/31/24

On my phone after 8pm.

11/1/24

Listened to Uniformity With God’s Will while mowing the lawn.

What I Learned

Announcing, pledging, making up rules to follow, calling it a challenge… these are temporary fixes. They do not last. If they are done by attempting to control, going it alone, by my own power… there will come a day when I am too weak. In this experiment, it was the second day.
I must ask for help to do hard things, to resist temptations, and to give up my own will.
I have been filling my life with noise. I believe the peace that I seek will be found in the silence which is necessary for conversing with God.

In Conclusion

My plans, my designs, my rules, my agenda. What a waste! I cannot change myself. And then I beat myself up for failing. Again.

I’m not going to set more limits. I’m going to accept myself as I am. I’m going to give thanks as much as I possibly can and focus on loving God.

Experiment #5: Internet Limits

October 21, 2024 / Cheryl Wilcox / Leave a comment

I don’t like when I spend too much time scrolling on YouTube in bed. I end up not getting enough sleep and being tired the next day, and it really seems like a time sucker. Imagine the knowledge I could acquire if I spent that time studying… anything.

I’m not sure what I should do about it. I could quit cold turkey like I did during Lent. Or I could set limits. Sometimes I put my phone in the living room so the temptation is just not there. That usually only lasts a couple of consecutive nights.

Sunday at Mass, I had the idea that I could try limiting my YouTube to one hour per week. Sunday night, I did go on it for a few minutes, and then I switched to reading about William Wallace. (Just watched Braveheart) Then I searched on Amazon for basement shelving. I still stayed up too late once again. This morning at Mass, I had a thought that maybe I shouldn’t go on the Internet after 8 PM. It couldn’t hurt to do an experiment…

Experiment #5:

Starting now, until the end of October, (a little more than 10 days) do not use an Internet browser after 8 PM. Also, limit time on YouTube to one hour per week.

I shall post the results on November 1st.

Portugal, You’re Beautiful Too

October 13, 2024October 13, 2024 / Cheryl Wilcox / Leave a comment

I was blessed to accompany my husband on a work trip to Braga, Portugal. I also spent one night in Fatima on my own. I started writing a detailed post about how this was less like a vacation, and more like a lesson on detachment, because so many things did not go as I planned. Then I accidentally deleted the post. So now I’ll just say that acceptance and gratitude are the means to peace, and add some photos.

Fatima at night

Fatima the next day

Braga Cathedral

Bom Jesus

More Braga

Poland, I Love You

August 29, 2024 / Cheryl Wilcox / Leave a comment

I love your potato pancakes, pierogis, paczkis, people, and churches, churches, churches…

I spent a couple of days in Warsaw, and a few in Poznan. I walked around A LOT, ate a lot, attended a Mass in English and three Polish Masses, took a tour of Poznan, visited many churches, an applied art museum, and spent one night dancing!

I also watched all of these movies on planes.

(Just so you know, I’m generous with my ratings.)

Here are some of my favorite photos:

Summer Vacation

August 11, 2024 / Cheryl Wilcox / Leave a comment

Bobby, Joe, Rachel, Hannah, Mary and I spent a week at the Cape. It went by so fast. We watched a lot of movies, went to the beach a few times, and played blind karaoke. That was a little scary for me. I was disappointed to learn that I don’t know the words to very many songs, even though I always thought I knew so many! It turns out I only know parts of them.

We did one puzzle, watched Percy Jackson season one (eight episodes!) and played billiards, daily? I know we had ice cream for dinner once, went kayaking on the pond, and I read Starring Sally J. Freedman as Herself. (This is part of my rereading the Judy Blume books I read as a kid, as an adult.) I also started rereading The Intellectual Life, which has got me thinking about how I spend my time. More on this in another post I hope.

Here are some photos.

Current Events

July 28, 2024 / Cheryl Wilcox / Leave a comment

Bobby’s baby grass. He asks me to take pictures of it almost daily.

In my small, Catholic grammar school, I had a class called Social Studies. One year, maybe when I was in six or seventh grade, we had to bring in newspaper clippings weekly, and learn about “current events”. I didn’t like this. I never knew what was going on. I remember bringing in articles about OPEC or Anwar Sadat, and having no clue about what I was presenting.

My memories of watching the news are my mom saying, “Oh…those poor people, can you imagine what they’re going through?” And I would think, No, I don’t want to imagine that at all. I was used to watching The Guiding Light, The Jeffersons and Three’s Company. I’d rather think about Star Wars or Michael Jackson or E.T. I was busy amusing myself to death.

Since my last blog post, I vacationed in Las Vegas and New York City, helped with the annual trimming of my dad’s arborvitae bushes, spent a few days getting back into routines, helped Sarah shop for a car, then I got sick.

I plopped myself on the couch and watched a bunch of movies and I also had a YouTube relapse. I was watching videos of “current events” and they were nutty. There was the attempted assassination of Trump, Biden stepping down from campaigning, Kamala possibly running for president, an IT outage, and the opening ceremonies of the 2024 Olympics in Paris. I’m noticing a big difference between these YouTube videos and the newspaper clippings from my middle school class. For one thing, they’re more addicting. They are also seemingly never-ending. And they are mostly reactions and opinions about what happened, or parts of stories leaving you with unanswered questions. Was that blue screen of death on my laptop in the summer of 2023 from an IT outage?

Anyway, you’ve got to expect times to change in 40 something years. I recently watched some movies that were set in the 90’s that seemed like so long ago. Remember when answering machines seemed cool?

Las Vegas trip with Hannah and Bobby, July 11-15 (including her 16th birthday)

NYC trip with Rachel, Hannah, my sister Jodie, my nephew Patrick, (and Bobby at night) July 17-19

I don’t really have a point to this post. I just needed to get off YouTube and I felt like writing. I also wanted to post some pictures of Las Vegas and New York to look at in the future. And as usual, I need to be caught up with the current events in my life so that I feel ready to write more.

July Habit of the Month: Drink Water

July 1, 2024 / Cheryl Wilcox / Leave a comment

I will track this habit by making eight dots at the bottom of each day in my planner/bullet journal. When I drink 8 ounces of water I’ll change a dot to an X. My goal will be to drink at least 64 ounces of water a day.

Phew! I’m happy to be writing again, and I feel hopeful that I can once again focus on habits, routines, and resolutions. I have been very scattered since I posted at the beginning of May. It was a very busy two months, and by looking back at my iPhone photos, I can recall some of what I was doing.

There was Mother’s Day, my father-in-law was in the hospital, and I watched many tennis matches. There was Mary’s birthday, a Memorial Day picnic, Rachel’s art show and prom, her class night and graduation. Then there were weeks of creating a slideshow of Rachel’s life from birth to graduation. (I did it for the older three children, so I had to continue this tradition.) We also prepared the house and the food for the big graduation party, and then there was Father’s Day.

Next, there was the unexpected water in my basement. When I went downstairs to gather up some homeschool books to sell online, (my first step in decluttering and organizing the basement) I found water all over certain sections of the basement and shooting out of our tankless water heater! On a happier note, I spent a weekend in New York City with my father and Bob. This was my father’s Christmas present. We saw A Beautiful Noise, which is a musical about Neil Diamond, and spent a wonderful night at a Yankees game, among other things. Then last week, I spent a couple of days with my mother, as she needed help with another surgery. This time it was on her left wrist. Yesterday, we watched Clueless and played a lot of games for Sarah‘s birthday. This brings me to today. Two eye doctor appointments, two dentist appointments, and Hannah had her braces put back on after having them off for a month.

Seeing it all in writing makes me feel better. These are my excuses for not sticking with my morning routines and bedtime routines, and for not doing my strength training and eating healthy.

Today is a new month, and a new day. I find that there is a snowball effect that happens when I get too busy to pray and meditate. I might get anxious and make poor choices. I stop taking care of myself physically. I let routines slide. Habits go out the window. I think the same is true when I focus on first things first. I gain clarity. And the snowball starts rolling down the hill. I make rest a priority. I might start drinking more water, and I’ll go back to my routines. The snowball will get larger and start picking up speed. I’ll be feeling good enough to work out and eat healthy.

Today I took some time to relax. I read the book, Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret. I loved this book when I first read it. I must have been under nine years old because I remember the house I was living in while I was reading it. It was still enjoyable reading it as an adult. I also took some time to write in my paper journal, and now I’m writing here. I’m not feeling as scattered.

Rest and recollection slows my mind down. It helps me remember my priorities. I love visual metaphors. I’ve heard one described something like this. Imagine you’re in a pond and you’re moving around a lot. The water looks kind of murky and you can’t see through to the bottom. Then imagine you stop moving and stay still. After some time, the water is calm and it gets clearer, and then you can see better. And so it is with me.

That Twirling Feeling

May 9, 2024August 11, 2024 / Cheryl Wilcox / Leave a comment

I’m taking photos and letting it go. I can’t say that about most of the possessions I’ve looked at during my April Declutter Challenge. Letting go is not easy.

These are the areas or categories I have gone through so far: DVD’s, the TV stand and end tables, sheet music (Sarah did it), the hutch, my nightstand, my clothing, my dresser, my closet, my books, the master bathroom closet and vanity, the foyer closet, my kitchen desk cabinets, the kitchen cabinets and drawers, the fridge and freezer, the utility closet, the pantry, the extra closet, the mudroom, the 1/2 bath cabinets and drawers, the upstairs bathroom closet and vanity, art supplies, fiction books, picture books, scrapbooking supplies, photos, planners, office supplies, homeschool curricula… Phew!

I know it’s boring, I just wanted to see what I have accomplished. I’ve been stuck in the school room/Rachel’s bedroom for at least two weeks. Sometimes it’s been emotional. I am planning to homeschool for one more year. My youngest child (who will be a teenager in a week!) will be an eighth grader next year and will likely go to high school, as her siblings did. I’m letting go of curricula that I know we won’t be using next year, or ever.

I’ve felt sadness about not using some of the things I had planned to use. There are so many unfulfilled ideas/desires. There’s also a sadness from the good memories I have of being in that room with my beautiful, little children. It’s the same feeling I get during the movie You’ve Got Mail. If you haven’t seen it, then this is a spoiler alert. If you have seen it, then you might understand. Kathleen Kelly (Meg Ryan) is closing the bookstore that her late mother used to own before she owned it. After going through the process of selling everything but the shelving, she comes to her last night alone in the store. She looks back at the almost empty room and sees a memory of her mother twirling her around when she was a little girl. Add in the dramatic music and I get a lump in my throat every time. It’s that happy and sad at the same time kind of feeling. It’s the grieving of lost moments that will never return, mixed with gratitude that you were blessed to experience them.

I remember the excitement I’d feel at the beginning of a homeschool year. I was so hopeful. I loved planning, setting up the space, getting organized… I so enjoyed reading aloud while they were drawing…. Of course, they didn’t enjoy doing a lot of the work. It was far from perfect. But we had some good times. And just like that… it’s over.

I want to let the past go, appreciate the fine people that they are today, and enjoy my present lifestyle. In many ways, it’s better than the “old days.” But I am keeping many of the books that we own. I don’t know if this is prudent or if I might be trying to hang onto the past. I have this idea in my head that someday I’ll have a cute little library in whatever home I live in. Sure, we are not using these books now, but we might use them someday. Am I making excuses? Am I too attached to material possessions? Actually, I was gonna get rid of more of the picture books, but the kids wouldn’t let me. We kept a lot that I wouldn’t miss.

After books, I moved on to scrapbooks and there are a lot to finish. And photos… there are a lot to scan. All of that will have to wait until I finish decluttering the whole house, and other projects that are higher priority. My daughter, Rachel, is graduating from high school at the end of this month. I have made graduation slideshows for each of the three older children and it is expected that I will make one for Rachel. This will be a very large project. I took the first step yesterday by bringing my laptop to a repair shop.

When I was feeling scared and overwhelmed, this passage kept me going. It was on a calendar in the closet. Just what I needed to see at that April moment.

“I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit, because without me, you can do nothing.”

John 15:5

So true.

Whether I’m letting go or not letting go, I am not alone.

April Habit of the Month

April 7, 2024April 7, 2024 / Cheryl Wilcox / 1 Comment

Do you remember I wrote about the Flylady’s Habit of the Month?

January: Shine your sink (success!)

February: Declutter for 15 minutes a day (failed)

March: Dress to shoes (success!)

April: Make your bed (Baby say whaaaaat?!)

I already make my bed regularly. So for April, I’m giving myself another chance to succeed with the February habit. I’m calling it a “challenge” and I’m tracking my progress on a pretty little paper I found on this website. I just finished the first week.

Before I started, I think I was having some anxiety about failing again. I have been trying to declutter and organize my house completely for 25 years. Why haven’t I done it yet? I start, and then I get sidetracked. Check this out.

This book was published in 1981, and I believe it was the inspiration for the Flylady’s methods. I’ve been wanting to read it for years. I suddenly had the urge to read it, after I had just said I don’t need to read more books on simplifying in my action faking a.k.a. procrastinating post. So what did I do? I signed up for an Internet Archive account, and I borrowed it. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it, though sometimes it kept me up way past my “bedtime.”

I was extremely tempted to buy all the supplies to set up my 3 x 5 index card file and try-out their cleaning method. But then it occurred to me that this might be action faking. Was I trying to avoid my feelings about starting the decluttering challenge? Was I worried that I wasn’t capable of finishing what I start?

We can’t endlessly prepare if we want real results.

I resisted the temptation. I told myself that if I really want to start a new cleaning method, I can do it after I finish decluttering the whole house. For now, I will focus one day at a time on making progress. I will trust that God will help me if I continue to ask him for help.

I am using the Sidetracked Home Executives’ strategy for putting the house in order. It’s basically: start at the front door and go clockwise through the house, decluttering drawers, cabinets, and closets. Skip the kitchen and do it when you finish the rest of the first floor. Then, go upstairs and work your way around clockwise from the stairs. Then, go to the basement and work clockwise from those stairs. Then finally, clockwise around the garage. Sounds simple enough.

The S.H.E.’s say that the disorder in their house happened because they closed the doors on it. “Psychiatrists call it repression. We called it all dressed up with a dirty neck.” I really enjoyed their sense of humor.

I also liked hearing the origin stories of many of the tools I’ve used for years. When I declutter, I usually sort into these boxes: GIVE AWAY, PUT AWAY, and THROW AWAY. (I call it TRASH.) I learned that they came up with the PUT AWAY box as an “anti-sidetracking device”. It was the breakthrough they were looking for because when they would go return items to other rooms, they would get sidetracked. With this “innovation” they would stay glued to the spot they were working on. I have added another box from this book called STORAGE. It’s suggested that these items get put aside in an area to be sorted when I’m ready to set up the storage area.

The first struggle I have encountered this week has been thinking that I have a long way to go. This was addressed in the book. “Don’t be discouraged at how long a job takes.” They say it takes the average person six weeks to work her way back to the front door, and maybe twelve weeks if you work outside of the home. And it took them three months. They say to keep reminding yourself, “I didn’t get myself into this mess overnight, and I’m not going to get out of it overnight.”

I’m just happy that I’m taking real action, and I am confident that I will have real results.

Unruffled Peace

Author: Cheryl Wilcox