I want to talk about habits, routines, and resolutions. I’ll do this in a series of posts.
Let’s start with habits.
In my last post, I said that I was revisiting the Flylady website, and that I started implementing some of her ideas. In January, I successfully “shined my sink” almost every night. I didn’t literally shine my sink; but that’s what I call it when I either load the dirty dishes into the dishwasher, or wash them by hand. And then I rinse out the sink and wipe down the counters. Since the Flylady’s habit of the month worked out so well in January, I am going to continue to do it; and add in the February habit of the month, which is decluttering for 15 minutes a day. I know I said I was doing this last fall, but of course I got sidetracked by the holidays as I usually do. And even though I only started today (February 7th), I think February is a fine time to implement this habit. I’ll let you know how it goes.
Today I’m in the mood to write. Unfortunately, it’s been three months, so I need to catch up once again. How about monthly highlights with pictures?
November
I’ll also include one Halloween photo with the November pictures since it happened after my last blog post. My daughters, Hannah and Mary were dressed as Daddy and Peppa Pig. My son, Joe, was “Ken” and my daughter Rachel was a modern Belle from Beauty and the Beast.
In November, Hannah introduced me to the Ambience videos on YouTube. I really liked the hobbit houses. The jazz coffee shops, and the Christmas scenes were also helpful in my efforts to slow down, especially on Sundays. The hammock I received the previous Christmas was not used as much as I would’ve liked to have used it. I wasn’t home a lot in the summertime and many times I like to be inside with Twinkie now.
I attended a Miles Christi retreat one weekend in November. It’s a blessing to be able to take part in a silent retreat. I think the benefits are immeasurable. I will hopefully write more on it in another post.
Rachel and Hannah were in their high school’s play called Peter and the Star Catcher. And Joe was the stage manager for A Bright New! Boise at his community college. Bobby and I saw Moulin Rouge at the Bushnell in Hartford, CT, for my birthday. And then there was Thanksgiving, and our annual tree trimming party.
December
On the first weekend in December, I took a trip with my father, sister, nephew, Rachel, and Hannah. We met Bobby in New York City. We saw the Radio City Music Hall Christmas Spectacular. We tried to see some more of the Christmas decorations, but got stuck in a people jam. It’s busy there on the weekends in December!!! We also enjoyed going out to eat and we put up the skinny Christmas tree in the apartment.
We saw Nuncrackers performed by a local theater group. I also attended 3 concerts at my daughter, Sarah’s, college; one in which she played piano pieces and one in which she sang with a chorale group.
My mom had surgery on her wrist. So she needed help, and I slept over her house for the first night after the surgery. She’s still recovering, and needs help once in a while. It was nice to spend extra time with her and her dog Rosie. Joe has been busy creating two Lego stop motion movies.
The Christmas season came and went. I did some holiday baking and celebrated Christmas with my mom at my sister‘s house. Then we hosted Christmas Eve with my dad and other extended family. We also attended midnight Mass. On Christmas Day, Matthew and his girlfriend came over for opening presents and our traditional Santa pancakes and bacon. And then on the 26th of December we hosted a dinner with the members of Bobby’s family that could make it. Some of them were sick this year. We had a quiet New Year’s Eve game night.
January
2024 started with a Lord of the Rings movie marathon. Our local theater had the three movies showing in an XD theater, and I indulged myself. I’ve also been reading, listening to audiobooks and doing many jigsaw puzzles with Mary.
We’ve had two snowstorms so far this year. Bobby was away for both of them so I was in charge of snowblowing and shoveling, and I took care of my mom’s car during the first larger storm.
January has also sparked a return to routines. I spent a day revisiting the Flylady’s website. I started practicing a before-bedtime routine and a morning routine that have been so helpful. I think the thing that’s made the most difference is making sure I run the dishwasher and tidy up the kitchen and living room before bed. It feels good to make breakfast in a clean kitchen.
This past week I started to follow a meal plan and a workout plan that is part of an online challenge I joined. It’s an eight week challenge that starts on February 1st, but I started it early. I’m doing very well with the food prep and eating. The workouts are difficult for me because I am not used to pushing myself with exercise. I usually stop when it gets hard. I worry that I’m going to injure myself and I just don’t enjoy exercising. I don’t mind playing a game, like tennis, or taking a leisurely walk or bike ride. I like hiking and snowshoeing and being outside, but not for very long. So this will be a challenge for me.
It’s Day 9. I’m trying a new method of decluttering. Each day, I set the timer on my phone for 20 minutes and work until the timer goes off. So far, I’ve gone through my bathroom, my nightstand, my dresser and bedroom closet, the living room, the dining room, the pantry, two kitchen closets, the kitchen cabinets and drawers, and part of the mudroom. I also cleared out stuff my daughters decluttered from their rooms and left in the upstairs hallway. This method seems to be going well so far, but I haven’t gotten to any of the difficult areas yet. If I feel like it, I may do more than 20 minutes. That doesn’t usually happen on the weekdays.
The end of October and early November is usually when I feel really in the mood to get my house in order. I always get hopeful that I will get through the entire house, including the basement, but it has never happened. At some point, I become a couch potato, watching Christmas movies surrounded by Christmas lights, blankets and family members.
But this year it might really happen. I mean, 20 minutes a day is doable, right? I wonder how long it will take to get through my whole house…
This weekend is supposed to be sunny and 76°. I plan to work on what I call “winterizing.“ It’s bringing in the outdoor furniture, cleaning out the garage, moving items to the basement and shed so that we can park vehicles in there, etc. Hopefully, some young people will be around to help me.
Home maintenance is a big part of my life. Mowing the lawn (lately), repairing and replacing items, cleaning, shopping, cooking, storing, organizing, tidying…. Maybe the decluttering is giving me hope that I can lighten the load a little.
It has long been a desire of mine to simplify my life. I have tried so many times and then I lose focus. I don’t believe I can do this on my own. What am I thinking? I can’t do anything on my own. I will ask God to help me to stay focused and not get distracted. I trust that with His strength I will be able to do it, if it is His will.
There is one word that has led me to procrastinate writing on the third section of this book study.
Acedia.
I’m fascinated by this word. I was shocked when I first came to it in this section. I wrote in the margin: This is a word of interest to me. And it is. I even received the book, The Noonday Devil: Acedia, The Unnamed Evil of Our Times, one Christmas because of my interest in this word.
I first heard of it when I was nursing a baby many years ago, and reading John Cassian’s Institutes on my phone. I also heard about it when watching a secular DVD about the seven deadly sins. There was a blurb about it being considered a deadly sin in the past. I think the intriguing thing is: how does a word, which so perfectly describes how I’ve often felt during my life, disappear from our language? Why did I never learn about it in school? And why, even though I’ve read books about it, do I lack the ability to talk about it?
It’s taken me almost 9 months to write this post, because I don’t feel I know enough about acedia to do it justice. But since I’m on an anti-procrastination kick, I’m gonna do it anyway. I’ll start with some quotes.
In a word, he does not want to be, as God wants him to be, and that ultimately means that he does not wish to be what he really, fundamentally, is.…
…acedia means that a man does not, in the last resort, give the consent of his will to his own being…
… sadness overwhelms him when he is confronted with the divine goodness eminent in himself…
Josef Pieper (44)
I have wondered if acedia could be the source of my “running away”. (I’m talking about when I go it alone, you know, being “too busy” to pray, when nothing is more important than being silent in the Presence of God.) As Timothy Gallagher explains in The Discernment of Spirits: …when we are least inclined to be “within”… it will appear easier and seem more welcome to find escape in diversion. (90) Is this acedia the cause?
Notice I chose the words “source” and “cause.” As I continue through this section, Pieper states that acedia was reckoned among one of the seven capital or cardinal sins. He says that capital certainly means “head,” but it also means “source” or “spring.“ He says, in this case, they are the sins from which other faults follow “naturally,” as from a source. Examples given are idleness, (a lack of calm, which makes leisure impossible) and despair, it’s twin fault. They both flow naturally from acedia.
This is so different from the language and meanings of today. I think now we use leisure and idleness interchangeably, when, in the past, they were more like opposites.
Leisure is only possible, when a man is at one with himself, when he acquiesces in his own being, whereas the essence of acedia is the refusal to acquiesce to one’s own being. Idleness and the incapacity for leisure correspond with one another. Leisure is the contrary of both.
Josef Pieper (46)
Here are some more descriptions of leisure:
A mental and spiritual attitude
An attitude of non-activity
Inward calm
That silence which is the prerequisite of the apprehension of reality
Not being “busy”
Letting things happen
A receptive attitude of mind
A contemplative attitude
Leisure is not the attitude of mind of those who actively intervene, but of those who are open to everything; not of those who grab and grab hold, but of those who leave the reins loose and who are free and easy themselves -– almost like a man falling asleep, for one can only fall asleep by “letting oneself go.“
Josef Pieper (47)
There is much more about leisure in this section. I think the main idea is it’s way more important than a break from work. It’s what makes us human.
A break in one’s work, whether of an hour, a day or a week, is still part of the world of work. It is a link in the chain of utilitarian functions. The pause is made for the sake of work, and in order to work, and the man is not only refreshed from work, but for work.
Josef Pieper (49)
This is very different from the concept of leisure, which does not exist for the sake of work. Here is what Aristotle says, about leisure:
A man will live thus, not to the extent that he is a man, to the extent that a divine principal dwells within him.
Aristotle (51)
And that is the end of my notes on section III. I can finally move onto section IV. I don’t think that this will be the end of my writing about acedia. There may be more to be said.
This month began with me getting sick. I literally spent the first day of October sick in bed. When I started to feel better, I moved into the living room, where I finished The Big Bang Theory. Bobby was away in New York City and then in Colombia, South America. The first thing to break down, if you don’t include me, was the clothes dryer. It was a case of: you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone. I have taken for granted the value of this appliance. It works hard in our household. It was 17 years old and expected. I immediately ordered a new one. It was up and running in less than a week.
The next thing to go was the washer. I totally didn’t see that coming. And what are the chances of it breaking down at the same time as the dryer? It was our second washer in the 17 years living in this house, so not as old. I unsuccessfully tried a $2 fix I found on YouTube. Then I bought a $34 part, and I installed it after watching about two dozen YouTube videos. Success!
It was when our three week old lawnmower stopped self-propelling that I felt really frustrated. You don’t need to hear that story. It was a mixture of sickness, wet clothing, a minor injury and getting take-out. It’s behind me now. And the mower is in a shop in Holyoke.
Last weekend, I enjoyed a trip to Wadkins Glen with Bobby’s family. We stayed in a house on Seneca Lake. We went hiking and did a 2000 piece puzzle. It was beautiful there and lots of fun. When we returned home on Sunday, there was a little puddle on the floor in the kitchen. And the next day there was an error code on the dishwasher. After taking it apart and scoping out the situation, we decided to replace it. I bought a new one last night and hopefully that is the last thing that will break down for awhile.
You’ve probably heard of the stress response known as fight-or-flight. It can be a good thing, like when you are in a really dangerous situation and your body responds physiologically, helping you to survive. Well, today I thought of it in a different way. (If I was on a singing competition show, you could say, I made it my own.)
When I am afraid, of something real or imagined, and I think that I must handle it alone, it triggers my fight-or-flight response. The way I fight is by obsessively thinking, or maybe planning, figuring it out, researching, worrying, attempting to control, or forcing solutions. My flight behaviors change often, but they are usually a way of mentally escaping, and are often crazy. Past examples: a weekend spent watching a variety of Jane Eyre movie versions, a Harry Potter movie marathon, overworking, focusing on other people, overeating… Current examples: reading news articles, watching YouTube videos, watching The Summer I Turned Pretty… It’s something that may give temporary pleasure or temporarily numb pain. It can dull feelings by diverting attention, distracting the mind, metaphorically running away… The strange thing is that I often don’t realize that I am stressed, until I catch myself doing some of these behaviors.
The good news is that it doesn’t have to be this way. The key thing is for me to remember that I am not alone. Being aware of God’s Presence and trusting in Him keeps those fears and my responses at bay. And there are good habits that I can practice, to increase my awareness of His Presence. Examples: Adoration, daily prayer and meditation, Mass, spiritual reading, talking with spiritual friends, retreats, recollections, reading Scriptures, Confession, examination, journaling… you know, the usual suggestions.
I recently felt like I was “playing school” and my “student” was bored out of her mind. This is strange because this is my 19th year of homeschooling, and though I’ve had many bad days; overall, I’ve considered the experience a good one.
So far this year, my excitement for the subject matter is not cutting it. It’s like I’m watching my dream of instilling a love of learning – die – in real time. I’m thinking thoughts like… maybe I’m trying to fill a bucket, instead of lighting a fire. And I’m trying to remember what it was like to be twelve.
I don’t know what the solution is yet, but I’m ok with that. I trust that God will lead us to the next right thing. My daughter and I have been openly discussing ideas. Tonight, I got on my laptop to write a blog post. The word “deschool” popped into my mind. I think I must have heard about it when I was researching home education twenty years ago. A quick search found this:
Deschooling
frees time restrictions.
shows that learning happens outside the classroom.
allows for students and parents to shift from the classroom mindset and discover the untapped potential in homeschool learning.
I also found this likeable quote that seems to fit my situation:
“Stop thinking schoolishly. Stop acting teacherishly. Stop talking about learning as though it’s separate from life.”
Sandra Dodd, Unschooling Advocate
I tend to think that I’m a lover of learning. But if I’m honest, I really only love learning the things that I am interested in. Maybe I’ll have more to say about this in the future. For now, I will get on my knees and ask for help, and then climb into my cozy little bed for the night.
“Why, I feel all thin, sort of stretched, if you know what I mean: like butter that has been scraped over too much bread. That can’t be right. I need a change, or something.“
Bilbo Baggins
I love, love, love… this description of a feeling I know I’ve felt before, but would never have been able to articulate so well. Since my descriptions of feelings are usually basic: happy, sad, angry, etc. I find writing like this impressive.
I love the whole dialogue between Bilbo and Gandalf in this chapter, in which Gandalf is encouraging Bilbo to leave the ring behind.
“Don’t you want to?”
“Well, yes— and no. Now it comes to it, I don’t like parting with it at all, I may say.“
It reminds me of all the times I want to give up something that isn’t good for me or start doing something that is good for me. I can sense a tension… an invisible tug-of-war going on.
Today at Adoration, I was reminded of a time when I felt very free. And I recalled how surrendering is what brings me freedom. I let go, and listened, and felt great consolation. I find this dialogue so encouraging, because it gives me a visual of what I want to do.
Bilbo is resisting surrendering the ring. He argues, rationalizes, and whines. He says he’ll keep it.
“You will be a fool if you do, Bilbo,” he said. “You make that clear with every word you say. It has gotten far too much hold on you. Let it go! And then you can go yourself, and be free.“
Gandalf
Like Bilbo, I often go from…
“I will do as I choose and go as I please,”
to…
“And yet it would be a relief in a way not to be bothered with it anymore.”
before I am ready to leave the ring behind and feel the joy of walking out the door a free hobbit.
I haven’t finished reading any books this summer. I may have started reading some. I’m good at reading something when I get in the mood, and then forgetting about it. Didn’t I say, in January, that 2023 is the year I will finally read The Lord of the Rings? Well, I started it…
This has to change. I’m putting it out here. The books in the photo are what I am currently reading. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll feel obligated to finish them before I start any others. I just need to stay focused.
As you may or may not know, Leisure: The Basis of Culture is my current book study. I’ve written two posts about it here, and I’ve read the third section so many times; but don’t feel ready to write about it yet. I revisited The Noonday Devil because I was led to while reading that amazing third section.
I decided to use The Fellowship of the Ring as a read aloud during school with Mary. I went back to the beginning, this time listening to the audiobook.
The Spiritual Exercises is not really meant to be read. I don’t care. I’m reading it anyway. I’m going to read it cover to cover, very slowly. And sometimes I’ll do meditations. And sometimes I listen to talks by Fr. John Hardon, S.J. While I was painting the foyer, I listened to the talks given to some women religious during an Ignatian retreat in 1975. Extremely interesting.
Finally, I am returning to Norway, through Kristin Lavransdatter. I listened to over a third of the audiobook, (mostly while painting the mudroom) in October of 2020. What happened after that? I do not know, but I started it again, Sunday, on my hammock. I didn’t get far, because guests arrived. It was a busy weekend. But, oh boy, I’m excited to be revisiting these lovely books again.
I was thinking of how much peace there is in reality; and I should try as much as I can to stay in it and the truth.
This means more time recognizing the invisible spiritual realities. They are always present, even if I am too busy or distracted to notice them.
This means less time looking at screens. This means spending less time in thinking of the future, which is unknown anyway. What are those thoughts, but projections, imaginations… worries? They are not usually with positive outcomes, and most often not to be at all.
How interesting… (to me anyway). I wrote these words over a year ago and they were saved as a draft. I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to write about tonight, and this incomplete post jumped out at me. So, forgive me if I have a chat with myself.
Yes, my friend, I find this to be true again and again. Take this week, for example. I wrapped up the foyer painting on Monday. It’s nice and clean, and put back together, but I don’t know what I’ll do about the decor. I’m only certain about the piano right now. I haven’t hung anything on the walls, I’m not sure how I feel about the bench, and the sheet music book storage; but I let that go and focused Tuesday on getting ready for the first day of school.
This included food shopping, school supply shopping, bringing out the homeschooling books, making a plan for the 3 day week, and putting things away around the house. Then, all of a sudden the day felt super busy. I started cleaning out the old food in the fridge. Rachel needed paint for her senior parking space at the high school and there was a trip to the Home Depot. I dropped Hannah off at the park for cross country practice and I tried to pick her up on my way to the orthodontist with Mary, but when we got there, she was in the woods and we couldn’t find her. So we went to the orthodontist appointment and were receiving texts that she needed a ride home. So back to the park and then home to continue my “to do” list.
I was feeling a little stressed. You know how I get when I am rushing. And what for? Why did I think I had to do all those things to be prepared for the first day of school?
The reality is that this morning I got up at 6 AM to wake Mary for the first day of school. Hannah had already woken her up and I found her upstairs vomiting. I headed downstairs to set up the bucket, sheets and blankets, and draw her a bath; and found that Sarah was also vomiting. So… change of plans. Instead of the first day of school, I spent a quiet day at home, taking care of my daughters.
It’s another reminder that I don’t know what the future holds. It’s a waste of time to worry about it. I just want to be grateful and to stay in the present moment.
Another reality is that last night before I went to bed, I journaled about all my worries. I asked God to please take care of me, and all my needs. I gave Him all of my concerns. I asked Him to please direct my thinking. I believe He did just that. This morning, I cheerfully accepted the change of plans. (This is not me.) And today, instead of trying to get more done, I rested.
Unruffled Peace 