Book Notes

Book Notes: Hannah’s Children, The Women Quietly Defying the Birth Dearth

/ Cheryl Wilcox / Leave a comment

That’s me on Christmas morning, receiving this book as a gift. I put it on my Christmas list after hearing about it from my friend Manda’s brother. He was talking with Bobby and me at Manda’s daughter’s wedding, and he asked me if I had read it. I told him I had never heard of it. He was in the middle of it and found it interesting, being the oldest of seven. He thought it helped him to understand his mother a little bit better. I finished reading the book last week and wanted to share some thoughts. As I write this, I’m realizing that I always did find Manda’s family interesting.

I met Manda on my first day of high school. I was 13 years old and very quiet. I’ll never forget sitting next to her in French I. She said with a huge smile, “Hi! I’m Manda!” I said, “Hi. I’m Cheryl.” We communicated more at school over the years, but I think it wasn’t until senior year that I went to her house for the first time. I was shocked at how loud her family was and how different her home life was from my own. She shared a tiny bedroom with her two sisters. She had a younger brother who was my brother’s age and three older brothers. They had a large round banquet table in their kitchen, and a big Rottweiler dog wandering around drooling. They had cats and a steer. They had some kind of a beehive up on a counter and an extra large stove. I remember being amazed at the size of the jar of peanut butter in their pantry closet. Her mom was folding laundry with mounds of it piled up in a room. Her dad was working on something outside. They had a chicken coop. Manda actually collected eggs. There were siblings coming in and out of the kitchen talking loudly.

I was the oldest of three. My parents divorced when I was around nine years old. We lived a few streets away from my grandparents and spent a lot of time with them. I slept over my father’s house on Friday nights and sometimes on Wednesday nights. We watched a lot of TV and movies. My mother often had migraines and my brother and sister and I had to be very quiet so as not to disturb her.

While I was reading Hannah’s Children, I thought I would like to write about my own story. First, I’ll write a little bit about the book. The author, along with her colleague, interviewed 55 American women, with five or more children, to find out why they do what they do, and what they think it means for themselves, for their families, and for the nation. I enjoyed reading the stories of the women who were interviewed in the study, but I didn’t love the book because of the many discussions about economics. A large part of the book focuses on reasons for the declining population and whether or not government incentives work… blah blah blah

This is my own issue. I don’t enjoy economics discussions. I took many business classes because my work paid for them and I got an MBA degree. I prefer the exactness of math and accounting. I’ve never really liked (what I see as) the “guessing” in economics and statistics and sometimes science. Much of this book is concerned with why the population is declining and what can we do about it. The answers are unclear. And some of the proposed solutions are not likely to happen.

Still, I think this book is worth reading, especially for the focus on the benefits of large families and the value of children. These are things you don’t often hear about in the current culture. What this book has done for me, is it’s stirred up questions as to how and why I came to have a large family (by today’s standards.) It feels like I never thought about it before. I fit right into the parameters the author has set for her research subjects. I’m an American woman, college educated, with five or more children. I don’t exactly know what questions she asked her subjects, so I’ll just tell my story.

I didn’t always want to have a large family. In fact, on one of the early dates with my husband, I said, “I’m never getting married and I’m never having children.” This bothered him. He brought it up the next time I saw him. He wondered what we were doing. Why were we were bothering to go out? I realized that this was something I always told myself, but I didn’t really mean it. I was just scared. I was afraid to be a single mother like my mom. I grew up hearing that it was not good to be financially dependent upon someone else. I grew up hearing that marriage was a piece of paper. That if you’re gonna have sex, you need to use birth control. You don’t want to be trapped.

When I met Bobby, I was a non-practicing cradle Catholic, who was beginning to pray again and was willing to trust God, though I needed a lot more practice with that. I believed that God would take care of me no matter what, and I told Bobby that I would be open to marriage and children someday if it was God’s will.

I’ll save the story of how we came back to the Catholic Church for another day. I’ll skip to the Pre Cana (marriage preparation) Day we attended as an engaged couple. We heard many speakers, including one couple who talked about their experience with natural family planning. They said that the divorce rate for couples that practiced NFP was around 2%, way lower than the overall rate of 50% back then. (Ok, so I find some statistics interesting.) This stuck with me. I appreciated the communication involved in the practice and the respecting of a woman’s body. Why had I never heard of this before? I knew I had to find out more.

Bobby agreed to attend classes at that married couple’s house. We learned about methods, and that it was up to us to decide, using our consciences, whether or not to practice abstinence during the fertile time. My understanding was that we were to be generous, and I think they said not to avoid pregnancy unless you had a grave reason. I remember them saying that they had six children and wished that they had had more.

We had discussions before we were married and I recall wanting to stay home with them if we had children. I didn’t like the idea of being split between work and children. It seemed like a conflict of interest to me. I wouldn’t be able to give my whole self to either. Bobby agreed with it. We never said we’d have a big family. And I never thought it. Maybe we’d have two or three. We had both come from households with three children. I don’t think we wanted to have an only child.

We got married at 27 years old. We started tracking my cycles and after three months we began trying to achieve pregnancy. We based our budget on Bobby’s income and put all of my income into savings. We weren’t making that much money, but we also didn’t have many expenses. When I didn’t immediately get pregnant, I think I started to get worried. After five months I said, “We can travel and golf and do lots of service work.” I guess it was my way of saying that I’d be OK if we couldn’t have children. I was pregnant the next month.

Though it wasn’t easy, I loved being a stay-at-home mom. When Matthew was a year old, I started having a desire to have another baby. If Matthew was going to have a sibling, I wanted him or her to be close to his age. I was one year older than my brother and we were very close growing up. I conceived in March once again. Joseph was born almost exactly 2 years after Matthew. Matthew was born at 11:59 p.m. on December 11, 1998, and Joseph was born on December 12, 2000. It felt like déjà vu being pregnant during the advent season. I felt a little bit sad for Matthew, who received so much attention from us, to suddenly be without us and to see a new baby taking our attention from him. It helped me to hope in something that Saint John Paul II said about siblings being the best gift you could ever give a child. Now I know, from experience, that it’s true.

I took that message that I received about not preventing pregnancy unless you had a grave reason seriously. When I looked at myself and my motives for not wanting another child, I could see it was all fear. What if… what if… what if… I didn’t consider fear to be a good reason for not having another child. I knew I needed to develop a greater trust in God.

Baby Sarah was born 19 months after Joseph. Having three kids under four years old was tough sometimes. Bobby traveled a lot. I remember one weekend being alone with them and they were all sick and crying at the same time. I felt so helpless. I was probably crying with them. I often went on Bobby’s trips. Once, I carried Sarah in the baby carrier on my chest, while pushing the boys in the double umbrella stroller down bumpy Bourbon Street. It was not how I imagined it would be when I dreamed of going to New Orleans as a young adult.

Reality is often harder than I imagine, but it’s also better. If I was in charge of my life, I would’ve sold myself short. I have been blessed because I was open to not always getting my way.

With Sarah, and only Sarah, I practiced something I learned called ecological breast-feeding. I was told it would help to naturally space babies and it did work for me. My fertility didn’t return for 22 months. When I realized it was possible for me to take care of three kids, I began to trust that God would give me strength to take care of another. After Sarah, I had my first miscarriage. It was heartbreaking.

Rachel was born almost 4 years after Sarah. I had complications during labor which led to a blood transfusion, and my being extremely weak for the first month after she was born. I was advised by the midwives to see a doctor they recommended. He advised me to try not to have any more children.

Throughout my pregnancy, we had been building a custom house. It was stressful and time consuming. When Rachel was three months old, we moved from the small raised ranch we felt like we were outgrowing, to our giant dream home that was big enough for as many kids as we could have. Because we started having children when I was 29 years old, I didn’t expect we could have more than 10, nor did I know if we would want that many. We kind of took them one at a time. But you can see how my attitude had changed.

I got a second opinion from a new doctor. He did not see a reason why I couldn’t have more children. We decided to trust God and try again. I had another miscarriage. This one was more difficult than the first one because I found out that the baby had died, but waited months for my body to realize it, and have a natural miscarriage. In the book, there was a correlation made between the loss of a child and the value placed on human life. I had never thought of this before. Given my experience, these losses very well may have been the cause of my attitude change over the years.

I remember having a thought after 911 happened, that if Bobby had died in those towers, I would have wished we had had more children. So if imagining death can change your heart, I am sure that experiencing it would even more so.

We were blessed with healthy baby number five, Hannah. After she was born, I became very focused on decluttering and simplifying my life. Not just our possessions, but also my time. I cut back on some volunteer activities and dropped blogging, which I had done for five years. This was a busy time for me. Did I mention that I homeschooled? I guess I forgot about that. That’s a whole other story.

After Hannah, there was another miscarriage, similar to the second one. And then Mary was born. Fortunately, for me, I arrived at the hospital in labor and delivered her in less than one hour in the WETU room. It was an unexpected blessing, and she was a wonderful baby, and her siblings all love her. She’s our last living child and she will be turning 14 years old in May.

After Mary, there was another miscarriage. And then another, which was also a molar pregnancy. I was told to avoid pregnancy for a year in order to determine, through blood testing, that no cancer cells were forming. I did that, and I never became pregnant again.

My “children” are now 26, 24, 22, 18, 16, and 13. And there are five more souls that I believe were meant to be. I never considered helping the population rate. I never planned all of this. I think I was just led one day at a time. I think as some of the moms in the book may have expressed…that I have received more than I have given. I’m too lazy to search through the book for quotes. I’m just going by memory here. I am convinced that children are gifts. There is a lot of emotional pain that goes along with parenting. Hopefully, that pain has led me to spiritual progress. There is also so much joy.

In the book, there was mention of things people say to parents of many children. One that Bobby heard a lot when he told somebody that I was pregnant again was, “What, are you crazy?” Bobby’s response was always, “Not the last time I checked.”

The one I think I got the most was, “Wow. You must be busy!” I think my favorite comment that people have said is, “Enjoy them! It goes by fast!” That’s good advice because it’s true, our time here on earth is short. I’m grateful that I was led to do something I now believe I was made for, that I didn’t let fear get in the way of it, and that I am receiving grace every day to continue on my spiritual journey.

Book Notes: Leisure- The Basis of Culture, Sections IV & V

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I want to wrap up this book study so I can move onto a new one. That doesn’t sound like a very good attitude, does it? This book is just not that exciting to me anymore. I started the study in January 2023. Shocking! And I will finish what I started.

Section IV opens up a can of worms that I don’t want to open. It seems to be pointing out differences of philosophies. Of which philosophies, I am not sure. I’m guessing Marxist ideas versus the ideas of the Catholic Church or Christianity in general.

He spends most of this section on what he calls, “Excursus on the Proletariat and Deproletarianization”. I don’t really want to go into it too much, so here’s my speedy overview:

Proletarians are people who are fettered to the process of work. They can be people from all levels of society, and there are different reasons why someone might be in this state of mind.

The author suggests combining three things in order to deproletarianize:

“…by giving the wage earner the opportunity to save and acquire property, by limiting the power of the state, and by overcoming the inner impoverishment of the individual.” (59)

Liberating a man from the process of work would require not only giving him opportunities to have activity that is not “work” (real leisure), but also that he’d be capable of leisure. He ends with the question: with what kind of activity is man to occupy his leisure?

In Section V, The main idea is that the core of leisure is celebration.

“Celebration is the point at which the three elements of leisure come to a focus: relaxation, effortlessness, and superiority of ‘active leisure’ to all functions.” (65)

He argues that celebration is man’s affirmation of the universe and his experiencing the world in an aspect other than its everyday one. The most intense affirmation of the world would be praising God. So, divine worship is the basis of celebration.

I thought this quote was interesting:

“ the vacancy left by absence of worship is filled by mere killing of time and by boredom, which is directly related to inability to enjoy leisure; for one can only be bored if the spiritual power to be leisurely has been lost.” (69)

I can remember being bored a lot as a kid. Sometimes I just didn’t know what to do with myself. There were many things I could do, but I couldn’t decide what I wanted to do. It makes sense to me that I would be confused or indecisive without having much self-knowledge, without a connection to God, and the trust in His guidance. I can still feel that way occasionally, but much less often as an adult because when I have an inability to enjoy leisure, I fill the time with work. This also makes me think about my YouTube problem. Is “the vacancy left by absence of worship filled by mere killing of time” in the form of scrolling on YouTube?

Solution: worship

Book Notes: Leisure- The Basis of Culture, III

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There is one word that has led me to procrastinate writing on the third section of this book study.

Acedia.

I’m fascinated by this word. I was shocked when I first came to it in this section. I wrote in the margin: This is a word of interest to me. And it is. I even received the book, The Noonday Devil: Acedia, The Unnamed Evil of Our Times, one Christmas because of my interest in this word.

I first heard of it when I was nursing a baby many years ago, and reading John Cassian’s Institutes on my phone. I also heard about it when watching a secular DVD about the seven deadly sins. There was a blurb about it being considered a deadly sin in the past. I think the intriguing thing is: how does a word, which so perfectly describes how I’ve often felt during my life, disappear from our language? Why did I never learn about it in school? And why, even though I’ve read books about it, do I lack the ability to talk about it?

It’s taken me almost 9 months to write this post, because I don’t feel I know enough about acedia to do it justice. But since I’m on an anti-procrastination kick, I’m gonna do it anyway. I’ll start with some quotes.

In a word, he does not want to be, as God wants him to be, and that ultimately means that he does not wish to be what he really, fundamentally, is.…

…acedia means that a man does not, in the last resort, give the consent of his will to his own being…

… sadness overwhelms him when he is confronted with the divine goodness eminent in himself…

Josef Pieper (44)

I have wondered if acedia could be the source of my “running away”. (I’m talking about when I go it alone, you know, being “too busy” to pray, when nothing is more important than being silent in the Presence of God.) As Timothy Gallagher explains in The Discernment of Spirits: …when we are least inclined to be “within”… it will appear easier and seem more welcome to find escape in diversion. (90) Is this acedia the cause?

Notice I chose the words “source” and “cause.” As I continue through this section, Pieper states that acedia was reckoned among one of the seven capital or cardinal sins. He says that capital certainly means “head,” but it also means “source” or “spring.“ He says, in this case, they are the sins from which other faults follow “naturally,” as from a source. Examples given are idleness, (a lack of calm, which makes leisure impossible) and despair, it’s twin fault. They both flow naturally from acedia.

This is so different from the language and meanings of today. I think now we use leisure and idleness interchangeably, when, in the past, they were more like opposites.

Leisure is only possible, when a man is at one with himself, when he acquiesces in his own being, whereas the essence of acedia is the refusal to acquiesce to one’s own being. Idleness and the incapacity for leisure correspond with one another. Leisure is the contrary of both.

Josef Pieper (46)

Here are some more descriptions of leisure:

  • A mental and spiritual attitude
  • An attitude of non-activity
  • Inward calm
  • That silence which is the prerequisite of the apprehension of reality
  • Not being “busy”
  • Letting things happen
  • A receptive attitude of mind
  • A contemplative attitude

Leisure is not the attitude of mind of those who actively intervene, but of those who are open to everything; not of those who grab and grab hold, but of those who leave the reins loose and who are free and easy themselves -– almost like a man falling asleep, for one can only fall asleep by “letting oneself go.“

Josef Pieper (47)

There is much more about leisure in this section. I think the main idea is it’s way more important than a break from work. It’s what makes us human.

A break in one’s work, whether of an hour, a day or a week, is still part of the world of work. It is a link in the chain of utilitarian functions. The pause is made for the sake of work, and in order to work, and the man is not only refreshed from work, but for work.

Josef Pieper (49)

This is very different from the concept of leisure, which does not exist for the sake of work. Here is what Aristotle says, about leisure:

A man will live thus, not to the extent that he is a man, to the extent that a divine principal dwells within him.

Aristotle (51)

And that is the end of my notes on section III. I can finally move onto section IV. I don’t think that this will be the end of my writing about acedia. There may be more to be said.

Book Notes: The Fellowship of the Ring, Book One, Chapter I

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“Why, I feel all thin, sort of stretched, if you know what I mean: like butter that has been scraped over too much bread. That can’t be right. I need a change, or something.“

Bilbo Baggins

I love, love, love… this description of a feeling I know I’ve felt before, but would never have been able to articulate so well. Since my descriptions of feelings are usually basic: happy, sad, angry, etc. I find writing like this impressive.

I love the whole dialogue between Bilbo and Gandalf in this chapter, in which Gandalf is encouraging Bilbo to leave the ring behind.

“Don’t you want to?”

“Well, yes— and no. Now it comes to it, I don’t like parting with it at all, I may say.“

It reminds me of all the times I want to give up something that isn’t good for me or start doing something that is good for me. I can sense a tension… an invisible tug-of-war going on.

Today at Adoration, I was reminded of a time when I felt very free. And I recalled how surrendering is what brings me freedom. I let go, and listened, and felt great consolation. I find this dialogue so encouraging, because it gives me a visual of what I want to do.

Bilbo is resisting surrendering the ring. He argues, rationalizes, and whines. He says he’ll keep it.

“You will be a fool if you do, Bilbo,” he said. “You make that clear with every word you say. It has gotten far too much hold on you. Let it go! And then you can go yourself, and be free.“

Gandalf

Like Bilbo, I often go from…

“I will do as I choose and go as I please,”

to…

“And yet it would be a relief in a way not to be bothered with it anymore.”

before I am ready to leave the ring behind and feel the joy of walking out the door a free hobbit.

Book Notes: Leisure-The Basis of Culture, II

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This section was long and what I am going to write here will definitely not be a summary, but rather some thoughts on a few points.

“Intellectual activity used always to be considered a privileged sphere, and from the standpoint of the manual worker especially, appeared to be a sphere in which one did not need to work.”

(Pieper, 25)

I have this attitude now. It’s why, when I am trying to avoid unnecessary work on Sundays, I save intellectual activity for then. I don’t consider it work. It’s fun. It’s relaxing and it does feel like a privilege. Sometimes, I try to squeeze a little of it in during the week too.

“Only those arts are called liberal or free which are concerned with knowledge; those which are concerned with utilitarian ends that are attained through activity, however, are called servile.”

(Aquinas, 37)

I went to a liberal arts college. I changed my major a number of times. I was a foreign languages major, an English major, a math major… I was indecisive. I remember talking with my parents when I was considering majoring in art history, and it was not encouraged. What was I going to do with that? They suggested accounting. I could get a job right away. The world always needed accountants. True, but I didn’t want to sit at a desk all day.

I think I was majoring in philosophy when I dropped out of college and became a factory worker. I worked nights. The good thing about it was that there were not a lot of people around, so it was quiet. I fondly remember the hum of the injection mold machines. It was a good atmosphere for thinking, and I could read books one sentence at a time in between doing my work. Or I could read on my breaks. So, for me, there has always been a distinction between work and intellectual activity. I wonder if that would have been different if I had been paid to read, think, or study.

“We are not simply to devote ourselves to politics and economics or to making a living, however valid these are in their own spheres. Pieper is quite aware of these things as elements in human life. But he recognizes that when everything human is defined in terms of utility or pleasure, the enterprise of knowing what we are loses its centrality in our lives.”

(James V. Schall, S.J., 11)

I included this quote from the foreword because I think it summarizes for me what Pieper is aiming at in this section. He seems very concerned with our world of “total work” and especially that the once privileged “liberal arts” are being called “intellectual work.” He goes into detail about how we acquire knowledge. He says that Kant claimed it’s from our effort alone. My own experience leads me to agree with Pieper and the ancients, that sometimes knowledge can be received without effort. He goes further to say that without this belief, we’d be ruling out things inspired and given to us. Knowledge would be the fruit of our own unaided activity. AS IF!!!

“… can a full human existence be contained within an exclusively workaday existence?”

(Pieper, 39)

Or can a man be a worker and nothing else? To be continued…

Book Notes: Leisure-The Basis of Culture, I

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I’ll admit I chose this book because I thought it would give arguments for ideas with which I already agree. I thought it would convince me of how important it is that I make time for leisure. I’m talking about leisure in the Greek sense. Making it a priority to appreciate things of beauty, to contemplate… Not being a busy little bee all the time – full of ceaseless activity. My motivation in reading this book was to increase my knowledge, awareness, and conviction… and to hopefully act in accordance with these beliefs. After reading section I, my new hope is that it will not be too difficult to understand.

This book contains two parts: “Leisure: The Basis of Culture” and “The Philosophical Act.” According to the writer of the foreword, these were essays given by Josef Pieper in 1947.

This is my super-simplified synopsis of section I of the first essay:

People nowadays have very different values from people in the past. Also, the meanings of words have changed. On the surface it looks like today’s concepts of work and leisure are very different from the Greeks, the Romans, the people in the Middle Ages, and even the people living in 1947; but there is a deeper (not so obvious) change that I’m sure will be discussed in later sections. It is a changing view of our nature and the meaning of human existence.

Whoa! Hang on… I wasn’t expecting all of THAT! I guess I was kind of distracted when I started reading this in the summer.

So rather than getting “Ten Tips of How to Make Sunday a Day of Rest,” (Yes, I am too hooked on YouTube.) I may be diving into the deep end. (Picture me tapping my temple with my index finger à la Pooh Bear, saying… Think, Think, Think…)

“We are unleisurely in order to have leisure.” (20)

This is what Aristotle said. And to the Greeks, leisure was something much more than it means today. It wasn’t simply a little free time from the work that takes up most of your life. The author states that it is closely linked to the Christian and Western conception of the contemplative life. And he points out that the distinction between the “liberal arts” and “servile work” came from this notion of leisure. I found it interesting that he was certain that everyone was familiar with “servile work” at least, because they speak of it as unsuitable on Sundays and holidays. Not in 2023!

One last point: if we are to uncover what brought about this big change, looking at it only historically isn’t gonna cut it. We’re gonna get to the root of the problem. I’ll be interested to see where and how this goes.

Book Notes: Things That Matter, Wrap Up

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When I first started reading Things That Matter, I said I was going to “study” it. I have a friend who was also planning to read it. A month has come and gone, and my friend and I have not connected. Maybe we’ll discuss these ideas at a later time, but I finished the book last night, and I don’t think I have too much to say about it here. Overall, the book resonated with me. I agree with the ideas the author proposes. The chapters in which I frequently underlined sentences are the ones about the distractions I struggle with most – possessions and technology. Here are some of the highlights:

“Who can go gung-ho after a challenging goal if they’re constantly buying and taking care of a bunch of stuff? Who can invest in things that matter if they’re too busy organizing the garage? We’re drowning in possessions, and all too often our dreams are drowning with us.” (110)

“Look around your home. All that clutter used to be money and time.” (117)

“Minimizing takes effort, but on the other side of that effort is the ongoing payoff of greater freedom to accomplish the things we want.” (119)

“Just imagine what life would look like if you were content with what you had.” (121)

“Do these things promote my purpose?” (125)

“One of the most common excuses for not pursuing one’s goals in life is ‘I don’t have time.’ And every one of the distractions we’ve looked at in this book is a time stealer…. Cut back on your screen time, and you will have taken the single most effective step to opening up more time for meaningful pursuits.” (170)

One night when I was looking at one of my time-stealers (YouTube) in bed, I found videos by a woman named Nena Lavonne that really interested me. I’m testing out some of her practical suggestions. I’ll post about my thoughts on these soon.

Book Notes: Things That Matter, Chapter 1

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It’s time for another book study. I didn’t think too much about this book choice. I received an email from Joshua Becker, author of Becoming Minimalist and The Minimalist Home, offering me a free six week online course if I purchased the book that day. The words “Overcoming Distraction to Pursue a More Meaningful Life” made the impulse purchase sound like a good idea.

The first chapter is about living life without regrets. He asks, “If you were to die today, what one thing (or few things) would you be most disappointed that you weren’t able to complete?” My first thoughts were: If I die today, then it would be God’s will, so the things I wasn’t able to complete were not supposed to be completed by me. But I see the ideas behind the question. What might I regret? What things are most important to me right now? Well… I would like to continue to homeschool Mary, and to be a wife to Bobby, mother to my children, daughter to my parents, sister, friend, etc. I might wish I learned to trust God more, worry less, and stop wasting time on those stinkin’ distractions.

He also asks, “Do you know your purpose? Or purposes?” Yes, I know mine. The Principle and Foundation of St. Ignatius’s Spiritual Exercises is a favorite answer to this question.

I could also answer more specifically with my vocation and the works that go along with it, and the sharing of my life experiences with those going through what I’ve been through. Thinking that I know my purposes fairly well, this is the quote from Chapter 1 that caught my attention:

“Why aren’t we focusing on our purposes, which would give us joy and fulfillment day by day, leading to a sense of satisfaction at the end of life?” And the answer is “distractions”. I’m sure we’ll dig into this in later chapters.

For people who don’t know their purpose(s), there is an exercise in the back of the book. I did it anyway because I’m funny like that. I listed my passions and abilities. I have loads of them, but I’ll admit they are not very exciting. (Except to me, of course!) They include reading, writing, studying, simplifying, pondering, cleaning, organizing, and more.

I listed some characteristics of the ISTJ personality. Definitely mine: practical, logical, reliable, honest, loyal, responsible, calm, ordered. You can see why “boring” has been used to stereotype ISTJ’s in one word.

I listed others’ needs that I find myself especially touched by, and experiences in my past that give me empathy for others in the same situation. I like how the author recognizes how comforting others gives meaning to suffering and can be a purpose in life.

Lastly, there’s a Venn Diagram made of three overlapping circles for passions, abilities and others’ needs, with the space in the center for your purposes. And there’s a place to list your top three meaningful activities. I expected my purposes to be the ones I currently spend much of my time on, (faith, family, and service work) but I felt led to add another to my list. It’s what I call The Intellectual Life – reading, writing, and studying. I have no idea if I have time for this, or what it might lead me to in the future, but I added it anyway. It’s an activity that I do not spend much time doing currently, but I imagine I could if I am able to remove many of the distractions in my life and have a greater focus on it. I also hope to focus on better fulfilling the first three purposes I mentioned.

I have one more point to share. It’s the idea that our self-focused pursuits might be lesser than our others-focused pursuits. I know there needs to be balance here. It’s good for me to do things alone and just for fun, but it can be overdone; and I don’t want to swing over to the all-work-no-play side either. However, I might regret it on my deathbed if I spend too many hours doing crossword puzzles, jigsaw puzzles and binging shows when there are activities that would benefit others (and myself as well) to pursue.

Book Notes: The Discernment of Spirits

/ Cheryl Wilcox / Leave a comment

No, my tree is not still up. I took that picture in December and I like it.

I love this book! I had no idea so much could be said about St. Ignatius’s rules of discernment. Now I realize that the practical examples are endless. I made myself some old-fashioned index card notes from this book. They are full of ideas I hope to remember. I imagine they will be quick reminders for me as I attempt to put these rules into practice.

So, instead of typing out a blog post, I am going to share with you photos of my notecards.

Book Notes: The Intellectual Life, Wrap Up

/ Cheryl Wilcox / Leave a comment

I finished reading this book three weeks ago. I really want to dive right into The Discernment of Spirits, but I’m making myself write a final post to fulfill my “duty of bringing to completion” (227) what I started. Part IV of Chapter 8 is titled Doing Things Well and Finishing Everything. OK, A.G., I’ll take your advice. I’ll be constant, patient, and I will persevere. I would not want this unfinished work to “be a reproach” to me. (229)

“I see a cause of moral decadence in abandoning a project or an undertaking. One grows used to giving-up; one resigns oneself to disorder, to an uncomfortable conscience; one gets a habit of shilly-shallying. Thence comes a loss of dignity that can have no favorable effect on one’s progress.”

(229)

Sounds serious. Shilly-shally is my new favorite word. Shilly-shallying is why I want to learn how to practice the discernment of spirits. It means:

  1. : to show hesitation or lack of decisiveness or resolution
  2. : DAWDLE

I do this frequently. I am unsure. How does God want me to spend the time I have been given? More questions arose when I read this part of the book. Do I finish what I start? Do I reflect (count the cost) before starting on a piece of work? (228) A quick list eased my mind. I usually complete projects I start. I also have many commitments that have been ongoing for years, and although they don’t end, I have not given up on them. What I often neglect are books, home studies, and writing, the very things for which The Intellectual Life offers help. The end of Chapter 8 sums up what conditions are needed for success in work: to reflect at the start, to begin at the beginning, to proceed methodically, to advance slowly, to give out all one’s strength. (233)

So now I have come to the final chapter, for which I hand wrote four pages of quotes and notes while my four daughters were getting haircuts at a local salon. To limit the length of this post, I’m going to focus on just two ideas. I’ll call them: living and resting.

LIVING (Chapter 9, I. Keeping Contact With Life)

Living in society requires us to take part in many practical activities. (For me, it’s picking Rachel up from school and dropping her off at tennis practice, folding clothes, visiting my mother, painting a bathroom, taking kids shopping for bathing suits, going for a bike ride, etc.)

“It is hard to settle on exactly the measure of all these things.”

(236)

The author seems to understand the uncertainty I mentioned earlier of how to spend my time, but he says he has confidence that I will be able to decide, and that I’ll appreciate the relative value of things. (236) He addresses a concern that the intellectual will get so into his work that he’ll neglect the practical activities, or he’ll turn his back on the worthwhile things of life. Think scholé! I have an opposite concern. I may overdo the practical activities, neglect my intellectual or spiritual life, and also turn my back on scholé. Sertillanges advises: “Give up nothing of what belongs to man. Preserve a balance…” (241)

The beauty of this section inspires me. I see his message in other places, but the way he writes it makes me long for it.

“Nature renews everything, refreshes every well-formed mind, opens up new vistas and suggests surveys that abstract thinking knows nothing of. The tree is a teacher; the field teems with ideas as with anemones or daisies; the clouds and stars in the revolving sky bring fresh inspiration; the mountains steady our thoughts with their mass; and the course of the running streams starts the mind on lofty meditations…

Yet you let your mind get cramped and your heart grow dry, and you imagine that it is loss of time to follow the course of the torrents or to wander among the stars. The universe fills man with its glory, and you do not know it. The star of evening set against the darkening sky is lonely, it wants a place in your thought, and you refuse to admit it. You write, you compute, you string propositions together, you elaborate your theses, [you stare at your iphone] and you do not look.”

(238-239)

“Music has this precious quality for the intellectual that as it conveys no precise ideas, it interferes with none. It awakens states of soul, from which each one in his particular task will draw what he wills.”

(239)

He speaks of the connections between thought and the manifestations of creative power. (238) And the manifestations (a sunset, a visit to the Louvre, an evening at the symphony, a walk about Versailles under the autumn trees, and so on…) are dreamy. Homeschoolers may have heard of the British educator Charlotte Mason’s “Education is the science of relations.” Or her other famous motto: “Education is an atmosphere, a discipline, and a life.” This came to mind when I read this quote:

“One is a poor thing all by oneself in one’s study! It is true one can bring the universe into it and people it with God; but that divine inhabitation is effective only after long experience, of which the elements are everywhere about us. Should I write under the impression of nature and of universal beauty, if great scenery, the peaceful countryside, the vision of the achievements of art, had not previously educated me?”

(240)

What a great reminder to me, that atmosphere is important not only for a parent to provide for her homeschooled child, but for anyone, for life… We are all born persons. It also reminded me of the idea of an integrated curriculum. And how you can separate subjects into time slots in your day, but they will always overlap. They are all parts of one big story. Let’s allow no compartments! (241)

And speaking of being born persons… Theology of the Body came to mind when I read this next quote:

“Refuse to be a brain detached from its body, and a human being who has cut out his soul.”

(241)

Lastly, I shall paraphase a description of Sertillanges’ intellectual – to envision for myself: She has varied knowledge that goes well with her special studies. She loves the arts and natural beauty; her mind is one in everyday activities and in meditation. She is the same woman in the presence of God, with her family, and with acquaintances. She has a world of ideas and feelings that she writes about, shares in conversations with others, and by which she lives. (241)

RESTING (Chapter 9, II. Knowing How to Relax)

“Nothing must be in excess. Work, precisely because it is a duty, requires limits which maintain it in full vigor, make it lasting, and enable it to yield in the course of life the greatest total effect of which it is capable.”

(242)

That’s what I always say.

I like to relax; so reading arguments on why it’s necessary, makes my logical heart flutter. Let it be known that:

“Relaxation is a duty… to refuse to rest is implicitly to refuse an effort that rest would render possible.”

(243)

“When one does not make room for rest, the rest one does not take takes itself: it steals into the work, under the form of distractions, of sleepiness, of necessary things that demand attention, not having been foreseen at the right time.

… If I omitted these preparations because of some nominal work, some inferior occupation that I was bent on through lack of self-control, there is a double disaster; I arrive at this result: no real rest, no real work. Disorder reigns.”

(245-246)

The rest of this section goes on to describe true rest,

“St. Thomas explains that the true rest of the soul is joy, some activity in which we delight. Games, familiar conversation, friendship, family life, pleasant reading such as we have spoken of, communion with nature, some art accessible to us, some not tiring manual work, an intelligent stroll about town, theatrical performances that are not too exacting or too exciting, sport in moderation; these are our means of relaxation.”

(246)

how we must have a proper balance between work and rest,

“To work too long is to get worn-out; to stop too soon is to fail in giving one’s measure. In the same way, to rest too long is to destroy the momentum acquired; to rest too little is to fail in renewing one’s strength.”

(246)

and he gives another plug for being in nature.

“Ah, if one could work in the heart of nature, one’s window open on a fair landscape, so placed that when one was tired one could enjoy a few minutes in the green country; or, if one’s thought was at a standstill ask a suggestion from the mountains, from the company of trees and clouds, from the passing animals, instead of painfully enduring one’s dull mood -I am sure that the work produced would be doubled, and that it would be far more attractive, far more human.”

(247)

IN CONCLUSION

The Intellectual Life by A. G. Sertillanges, O.P., has given me conviction and clarity. I see how necessary it is for me to make time for scholé in my life. Scrolling through the Table of Contents (or past posts) reminds me of the methods suggested, and I feel so inspired. A confidence rises up inside me. I can do this! Clearly, I will just: feel a sense of duty, discipline my body, simplify my life, make solitude a priority, limit and be choosy about my reading, quiet my evenings, be focused and methodical, be sure what I start is worthwhile, finish what I start, and produce results! Woo Hoo!