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That Twirling Feeling

/ Cheryl Wilcox / Leave a comment
The first purchase I can remember.

I’m taking photos and letting it go. I can’t say that about most of the possessions I’ve looked at during my April Declutter Challenge. Letting go is not easy.

These are the areas or categories I have gone through so far: DVD’s, the TV stand and end tables, sheet music (Sarah did it), the hutch, my nightstand, my clothing, my dresser, my closet, my books, the master bathroom closet and vanity, the foyer closet, my kitchen desk cabinets, the kitchen cabinets and drawers, the fridge and freezer, the utility closet, the pantry, the extra closet, the mudroom, the 1/2 bath cabinets and drawers, the upstairs bathroom closet and vanity, art supplies, fiction books, picture books, scrapbooking supplies, photos, planners, office supplies, homeschool curricula… Phew!

I know it’s boring, I just wanted to see what I have accomplished. I’ve been stuck in the school room/Rachel’s bedroom for at least two weeks. Sometimes it’s been emotional. I am planning to homeschool for one more year. My youngest child (who will be a teenager in a week!) will be an eighth grader next year and will likely go to high school, as her siblings did. I’m letting go of curricula that I know we won’t be using next year, or ever.

I’ve felt sadness about not using some of the things I had planned to use. There are so many unfulfilled ideas/desires. There’s also a sadness from the good memories I have of being in that room with my beautiful, little children. It’s the same feeling I get during the movie You’ve Got Mail. If you haven’t seen it, then this is a spoiler alert. If you have seen it, then you might understand. Kathleen Kelly (Meg Ryan) is closing the bookstore that her late mother used to own before she owned it. After going through the process of selling everything but the shelving, she comes to her last night alone in the store. She looks back at the almost empty room and sees a memory of her mother twirling her around when she was a little girl. Add in the dramatic music and I get a lump in my throat every time. It’s that happy and sad at the same time kind of feeling. It’s the grieving of lost moments that will never return, mixed with gratitude that you were blessed to experience them.

I remember the excitement I’d feel at the beginning of a homeschool year. I was so hopeful. I loved planning, setting up the space, getting organized… I so enjoyed reading aloud while they were drawing…. Of course, they didn’t enjoy doing a lot of the work. It was far from perfect. But we had some good times. And just like that… it’s over.

I want to let the past go, appreciate the fine people that they are today, and enjoy my present lifestyle. In many ways, it’s better than the “old days.” But I am keeping many of the books that we own. I don’t know if this is prudent or if I might be trying to hang onto the past. I have this idea in my head that someday I’ll have a cute little library in whatever home I live in. Sure, we are not using these books now, but we might use them someday. Am I making excuses? Am I too attached to material possessions? Actually, I was gonna get rid of more of the picture books, but the kids wouldn’t let me. We kept a lot that I wouldn’t miss.

After books, I moved on to scrapbooks and there are a lot to finish. And photos… there are a lot to scan. All of that will have to wait until I finish decluttering the whole house, and other projects that are higher priority. My daughter, Rachel, is graduating from high school at the end of this month. I have made graduation slideshows for each of the three older children and it is expected that I will make one for Rachel. This will be a very large project. I took the first step yesterday by bringing my laptop to a repair shop.

When I was feeling scared and overwhelmed, this passage kept me going. It was on a calendar in the closet. Just what I needed to see at that April moment.

“I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit, because without me, you can do nothing.”

John 15:5

So true.

Whether I’m letting go or not letting go, I am not alone.

April Habit of the Month

/ Cheryl Wilcox / 1 Comment

Do you remember I wrote about the Flylady’s Habit of the Month?

January: Shine your sink (success!)

February: Declutter for 15 minutes a day (failed)

March: Dress to shoes (success!)

April: Make your bed (Baby say whaaaaat?!)

I already make my bed regularly. So for April, I’m giving myself another chance to succeed with the February habit. I’m calling it a “challenge” and I’m tracking my progress on a pretty little paper I found on this website. I just finished the first week.

Before I started, I think I was having some anxiety about failing again. I have been trying to declutter and organize my house completely for 25 years. Why haven’t I done it yet? I start, and then I get sidetracked. Check this out.

This book was published in 1981, and I believe it was the inspiration for the Flylady’s methods. I’ve been wanting to read it for years. I suddenly had the urge to read it, after I had just said I don’t need to read more books on simplifying in my action faking a.k.a. procrastinating post. So what did I do? I signed up for an Internet Archive account, and I borrowed it. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it, though sometimes it kept me up way past my “bedtime.”

I was extremely tempted to buy all the supplies to set up my 3 x 5 index card file and try-out their cleaning method. But then it occurred to me that this might be action faking. Was I trying to avoid my feelings about starting the decluttering challenge? Was I worried that I wasn’t capable of finishing what I start?

We can’t endlessly prepare if we want real results.

I resisted the temptation. I told myself that if I really want to start a new cleaning method, I can do it after I finish decluttering the whole house. For now, I will focus one day at a time on making progress. I will trust that God will help me if I continue to ask him for help.

I am using the Sidetracked Home Executives’ strategy for putting the house in order. It’s basically: start at the front door and go clockwise through the house, decluttering drawers, cabinets, and closets. Skip the kitchen and do it when you finish the rest of the first floor. Then, go upstairs and work your way around clockwise from the stairs. Then, go to the basement and work clockwise from those stairs. Then finally, clockwise around the garage. Sounds simple enough.

The S.H.E.’s say that the disorder in their house happened because they closed the doors on it. “Psychiatrists call it repression. We called it all dressed up with a dirty neck.” I really enjoyed their sense of humor.

I also liked hearing the origin stories of many of the tools I’ve used for years. When I declutter, I usually sort into these boxes: GIVE AWAY, PUT AWAY, and THROW AWAY. (I call it TRASH.) I learned that they came up with the PUT AWAY box as an “anti-sidetracking device”. It was the breakthrough they were looking for because when they would go return items to other rooms, they would get sidetracked. With this “innovation” they would stay glued to the spot they were working on. I have added another box from this book called STORAGE. It’s suggested that these items get put aside in an area to be sorted when I’m ready to set up the storage area.

The first struggle I have encountered this week has been thinking that I have a long way to go. This was addressed in the book. “Don’t be discouraged at how long a job takes.” They say it takes the average person six weeks to work her way back to the front door, and maybe twelve weeks if you work outside of the home. And it took them three months. They say to keep reminding yourself, “I didn’t get myself into this mess overnight, and I’m not going to get out of it overnight.”

I’m just happy that I’m taking real action, and I am confident that I will have real results.

Action Faking

/ Cheryl Wilcox / 1 Comment
SUMMIT One Vanderbilt, NYC

This will be a post about procrastination.

A woman came running over to tell me that she was decluttering all the extra chairs that she took from her mom‘s house when her mom passed away a few months ago. She really didn’t need them. She had heard from my mother, about how I helped my mother get rid of the clutter in her home when she downsized. I told her honestly about how I keep decluttering the “downstairs”, which is what we call the first floor of our home. And how I never quite get around to the basement, which has piles of crap in it. The “upstairs”, or second floor, is mostly filled with stuff belonging to my children/young adults. Although, the school room contains a lot of my stuff too.

Today I was sorting through papers. I have these manila folders full of notes and PDF’s. I have a decluttering folder, an organizing time folder, an education folder… you get the idea. I’ve decided that I no longer need all of these notes. There was one paper that got me thinking while I was in the shower, which is one of the best places to think. It had notes about action faking, that were most likely from a YouTube video.

Action faking is procrastinating. It’s doing what we’re comfortable with and taking only the uncommitted actions. It does little to lead to actual progress.

Why are we action faking?

What are we trying to avoid?

Maybe there’s some kind of suffering attached?

Or not believing we’re capable?

This reminded me of the body transformation challenge that I am currently doing. Before I started, I was afraid. I wasn’t sure if I was capable of doing it. I talked about it with my father, who wondered if I would be able to finish it, and my mother, who was worried I’d lose too much weight, and my kids, who probably didn’t say much about it. When I told Bobby about the eight week challenge, he said, “Of course you could do that for seven weeks.” I corrected him by again telling him it was eight weeks, and he repeated, “Seven weeks is no problem.” (He’s my cheerleader.)

Well, it turned out, I started it two weeks early so now it’s a 10 week challenge and I’ve already finished seven weeks of it. It isn’t easy, but I’m not doing it alone. I know that God is helping me, because I keep asking him. I say things like, “Please help me to get through this next set.”

From my notes:

We may never feel completely ready.

Just take a step forward.

We can’t endlessly prepare if we want real results.

Decide what your first real action is, schedule it, and do it.

Avoidance creates the anxiety.

I’m not sure if all of that is true, but I know one thing, I am getting results in the challenge because I have been taking action.

I suspect this is why I haven’t been getting the results I want from my decluttering for the past 25 years. I’ve been just doing what I’m comfortable with, which is the downstairs. I’ve also been action faking/procrastinating by reading, watching YouTube videos, collecting notes on the subject… getting ready.

I had a college professor, who would say that if you read five books on a subject, you’re an expert. Well, I am an expert on simplifying, decluttering, minimalism, or whatever you would call it. I’ve probably read more than 40 books on the subject. I don’t believe that knowledge is power. It may give me some advantage, but without action directed toward my goal, I’m not gonna get there.

I believe prayer is powerful. God supplies the power. I’m going to pray that I will stop getting ready and start taking action. My first step is going to be getting rid of some of these action faking papers. I know what to do.

Decluttering Streak

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It’s Day 9. I’m trying a new method of decluttering. Each day, I set the timer on my phone for 20 minutes and work until the timer goes off. So far, I’ve gone through my bathroom, my nightstand, my dresser and bedroom closet, the living room, the dining room, the pantry, two kitchen closets, the kitchen cabinets and drawers, and part of the mudroom. I also cleared out stuff my daughters decluttered from their rooms and left in the upstairs hallway. This method seems to be going well so far, but I haven’t gotten to any of the difficult areas yet. If I feel like it, I may do more than 20 minutes. That doesn’t usually happen on the weekdays.

The end of October and early November is usually when I feel really in the mood to get my house in order. I always get hopeful that I will get through the entire house, including the basement, but it has never happened. At some point, I become a couch potato, watching Christmas movies surrounded by Christmas lights, blankets and family members.

But this year it might really happen. I mean, 20 minutes a day is doable, right? I wonder how long it will take to get through my whole house…

This weekend is supposed to be sunny and 76°. I plan to work on what I call “winterizing.“ It’s bringing in the outdoor furniture, cleaning out the garage, moving items to the basement and shed so that we can park vehicles in there, etc. Hopefully, some young people will be around to help me.

Home maintenance is a big part of my life. Mowing the lawn (lately), repairing and replacing items, cleaning, shopping, cooking, storing, organizing, tidying…. Maybe the decluttering is giving me hope that I can lighten the load a little.

It has long been a desire of mine to simplify my life. I have tried so many times and then I lose focus. I don’t believe I can do this on my own. What am I thinking? I can’t do anything on my own. I will ask God to help me to stay focused and not get distracted. I trust that with His strength I will be able to do it, if it is His will.

October Breakdown

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This month began with me getting sick. I literally spent the first day of October sick in bed. When I started to feel better, I moved into the living room, where I finished The Big Bang Theory. Bobby was away in New York City and then in Colombia, South America. The first thing to break down, if you don’t include me, was the clothes dryer. It was a case of: you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone. I have taken for granted the value of this appliance. It works hard in our household. It was 17 years old and expected. I immediately ordered a new one. It was up and running in less than a week.

The next thing to go was the washer. I totally didn’t see that coming. And what are the chances of it breaking down at the same time as the dryer? It was our second washer in the 17 years living in this house, so not as old. I unsuccessfully tried a $2 fix I found on YouTube. Then I bought a $34 part, and I installed it after watching about two dozen YouTube videos. Success!

It was when our three week old lawnmower stopped self-propelling that I felt really frustrated. You don’t need to hear that story. It was a mixture of sickness, wet clothing, a minor injury and getting take-out. It’s behind me now. And the mower is in a shop in Holyoke.

Last weekend, I enjoyed a trip to Wadkins Glen with Bobby’s family. We stayed in a house on Seneca Lake. We went hiking and did a 2000 piece puzzle. It was beautiful there and lots of fun. When we returned home on Sunday, there was a little puddle on the floor in the kitchen. And the next day there was an error code on the dishwasher. After taking it apart and scoping out the situation, we decided to replace it. I bought a new one last night and hopefully that is the last thing that will break down for awhile.

Attitude Adjustment

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“Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

Abraham Lincoln

I’m in the middle (gosh I hope it’s the middle) of remodeling my foyer. As usual, I’ve underestimated the amount of time it’s going to take me to get the job done. I think I started on Saturday with the buying supplies, emptying the room, and spackling and sanding. I continued the prep work on Monday, and Tuesday morning. Then I covered the floor and taped some areas. I started painting the trim around 4:00 p.m. and finished the first coat around 11:00 p.m. Today I completed the second coat after working from 10:15-6:00. At some point, I noticed some pretty negative thoughts were going through my mind. The project was taking too long, I had a long way to go, it was looking awful so far, the house is a mess, this is so much work, I missed one of the last beautiful days of summer, I hope this comes out OK…

Fortunately, I realized that I have a choice in what kind of attitude I want to have. I choose to be grateful. I even wrote down a list of things I am currently grateful for. There is no need to feel bad for myself. I really had a good day.

Cat Paws

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Today we welcomed a new kitten into our family. Mary has named him Twinkie. He’s three months old and very loveable. He’s staying in my bedroom tonight. Tomorrow morning, I plan to tidy up the main living areas and let him explore. But for now, I think I better go to sleep. I may be up early with this little guy.

I’m Kicking My Basement’s Butt!!

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I actually made this strange exclamation (not aloud, just in my head) last night after Bobby and I spent the afternoon going through our stuff. I was pumped up. I may have even swung my arms around enthusiastically, feeling powerful.

Of course, today I see the reality of the situation. We put a small amount of trash in the back of our truck. I’ll bring it to the dump tomorrow. We also sent lots of paper to the recycling bin. I have lists of items to post online and projects to be done. Some items were sorted into categories. The basement looks worse than it did before we worked down there. But I am hopeful and grateful. We made a lot of decisions together, and this week, while Bobby’s in New York, I can plug away at removing the excess from our home.

But not today! Today is Sunday, a day of rest. I don’t do it perfectly, but I try to avoid doing unnecessary work on Sundays and to spend some time praying and some time doing what I enjoy. Today, I finally finished a book I started last summer, Letters and Instructions of St. Ignatius Loyola. It wasn’t an easy read for me. It was sometimes interesting, but not a favorite. I’ve chosen another book I started reading during the summer to be my next book study. I hope to write about it here. It’s Leisure: The Basis of Culture by Josef Pieper. I was only into Chapter 3, so I plan to start from the beginning.

Gotta go now because some members of my family and I are going with my father to see Puss in Boots: The Last Wish. I hope to write again soon.

I Didn’t Know Complexify Is a Word

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I can’t believe it’s been more than four months since my last post. And yet I shouldn’t be surprised, because long stretches between posts have been a pattern for me. It seems like when I “come here” in the mood to write, I feel obligated to explain where I’ve been and what I’ve been doing. So let me just get my excuses for not writing out of the way.

They are as follows: homeschooling, parenting, Italy, remodeling the half-bath, Plum Island, parties, NYC with Mary, decluttering, home maintenance, NYC with my sister, holidays, plays, deep cleaning, decorating, Christmas shopping, wrapping, movies, puzzles, cooking, celebrations, taking down decorations, and trying to maintain relationships and my spiritual condition.

So today is Day 15 of the Catechism in a Year, and I’m on Day 10. I’m also on Day 10 of a 30-Day Organizing Boot Camp, of which I’ve completed 16 of the assignments. If that didn’t make sense, it means I’m a little behind on my studying the Catechism of the Catholic Church and a little ahead on my decluttering and organizing my entire house. I expect to get behind on the latter when I get to the storage areas assignment, which for me is the dreaded basement. Maybe I’m being dramatic. It’s not as bad as I imagine it to be. I made a great deal of progress on it in November. The problem is that I always give up when it gets hard, and I don’t finish the whole house. Well not this year!!!

Let’s talk about books. The start of a new year always gets me assessing where I’m at in many areas, and reading is one of those areas. I find myself, as usual, with a list of books I am “currently reading”. This means I started them, but do I want to finish them? I’ve decided that 2023 is the year I will finally read The Lord of the Rings. I’m starting with The Hobbit. I also plan to finish the last few pages of Letters and Instructions of St. Ignatius Loyola. That’s all I have decided so far. There are so many good options. I will commit to one soon.

I’m not going to attempt to plan out my whole year as I did in the past, by setting goals and breaking them down and getting things done. While organizing crafts and hobby supplies, I found my old planners. The first one was an original Franklin Covey planner and the year was 2000. Yes, I have 22 years of them. Skimming through them I found it interesting that 2020 was noticeably emptier.

Anyway, I’m starting out 2023 by planning for the week ahead. I start by scheduling the activities that I already committed to, like giving rides. Then things important for my spiritual wellbeing, such as adoration. I also track daily habits I’d like to form or strengthen. I thought I’d ease into physical habits to make it easier for me to develop them. The first week I focused on sleep. I went to bed early and got up early. Yay! The second week I added drinking water. I met my daily water intake goals. Yay! But my sleeping plan failed miserably. I got into eating chocolate and staying up late reading or watching YouTube videos on my phone in bed. This week I’m going to try going back to the 5-0. (It’s going to bed and getting up at regular times, calorie counting, drinking water, exercising, and journaling. It’s basically taking care of my body.) I’ll need to take one day at a time and pray for help to do this. And a media fast wouldn’t hurt.

Speaking of media, and media fasting, today I watched a video I found fascinating. A man on a channel called Sips with Aquinas was interviewing Dr. Peter Kreeft. It was so interesting that I took notes. He listed the only three reasons why anybody ought to do anything according to Aquinas: 1. moral duty, 2. practical necessity, and 3. fun. There’s some food for thought. So, if I’m considering doing something, and it doesn’t meet any of these three criteria…

He was making the point that we make our lives more complex rather than simplify them. And why? Why are we so harried and hassled? Why do we complexify? And I like this one: Why do we put ourselves in a spider’s web? He says we are bored. I call it running away. The not wanting to slow down and sit quietly. He says it takes too much effort. It’s because of sloth. I’ve read about this before and would like to ponder it more in the future. And one last idea: If you don’t believe in a real Heaven, you have to try to make a heaven on earth, and that’s going to keep you very, very, busy forever.

In conclusion, once more, I was able to bring a bunch of wandering thoughts back to the theme of this blog: Slowing Down.

Vacate Clutter Day 9

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Look what’s left! Not too much. Really… just the basement, garage, and Bobby’s clothing. I’m thinking of checking off Joseph’s bedroom and clothing. One reason is that he’s working a lot, and he’s not going to want to declutter on his days off. Another reason is that we just went through his stuff when he switched bedrooms with Hannah and Mary. I can’t remember when that was, but I think it was after Christmas. Reasons #3 and #4: He’s twenty. He owns mostly Legos and books. He’ll want to keep them all. And the fifth reason is that his stuff is in his room. I rarely see it and it’s never strewn around the house. Bobby’s clothing, however, affects me. I do his laundry and benefit everyday from a tidy arrangement. I don’t want to be wrestling with sweaters, trying to squish them into his armoire.

So today I started with my van. You can see in the photo a pile to relocate on the left and a trash pile on the right. I didn’t vacuum the van interior, but it looks greatly improved. Very satisfying.

I emptied the linen closet. Sorted into yes, no, and not sure. The girls agreed to let go of some blankets. I’m getting rid of the extra tiles from the old bathroom floor. Unfortunately, I think there are some sheets and blankets in the basement. Some people made a fort under the stairs weeks ago.

I finished the school room, and the girls’ bedrooms. Tomorrow will be a day of rest.