That Twirling Feeling

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The first purchase I can remember.

I’m taking photos and letting it go. I can’t say that about most of the possessions I’ve looked at during my April Declutter Challenge. Letting go is not easy.

These are the areas or categories I have gone through so far: DVD’s, the TV stand and end tables, sheet music (Sarah did it), the hutch, my nightstand, my clothing, my dresser, my closet, my books, the master bathroom closet and vanity, the foyer closet, my kitchen desk cabinets, the kitchen cabinets and drawers, the fridge and freezer, the utility closet, the pantry, the extra closet, the mudroom, the 1/2 bath cabinets and drawers, the upstairs bathroom closet and vanity, art supplies, fiction books, picture books, scrapbooking supplies, photos, planners, office supplies, homeschool curricula… Phew!

I know it’s boring, I just wanted to see what I have accomplished. I’ve been stuck in the school room/Rachel’s bedroom for at least two weeks. Sometimes it’s been emotional. I am planning to homeschool for one more year. My youngest child (who will be a teenager in a week!) will be an eighth grader next year and will likely go to high school, as her siblings did. I’m letting go of curricula that I know we won’t be using next year, or ever.

I’ve felt sadness about not using some of the things I had planned to use. There are so many unfulfilled ideas/desires. There’s also a sadness from the good memories I have of being in that room with my beautiful, little children. It’s the same feeling I get during the movie You’ve Got Mail. If you haven’t seen it, then this is a spoiler alert. If you have seen it, then you might understand. Kathleen Kelly (Meg Ryan) is closing the bookstore that her late mother used to own before she owned it. After going through the process of selling everything but the shelving, she comes to her last night alone in the store. She looks back at the almost empty room and sees a memory of her mother twirling her around when she was a little girl. Add in the dramatic music and I get a lump in my throat every time. It’s that happy and sad at the same time kind of feeling. It’s the grieving of lost moments that will never return, mixed with gratitude that you were blessed to experience them.

I remember the excitement I’d feel at the beginning of a homeschool year. I was so hopeful. I loved planning, setting up the space, getting organized… I so enjoyed reading aloud while they were drawing…. Of course, they didn’t enjoy doing a lot of the work. It was far from perfect. But we had some good times. And just like that… it’s over.

I want to let the past go, appreciate the fine people that they are today, and enjoy my present lifestyle. In many ways, it’s better than the “old days.” But I am keeping many of the books that we own. I don’t know if this is prudent or if I might be trying to hang onto the past. I have this idea in my head that someday I’ll have a cute little library in whatever home I live in. Sure, we are not using these books now, but we might use them someday. Am I making excuses? Am I too attached to material possessions? Actually, I was gonna get rid of more of the picture books, but the kids wouldn’t let me. We kept a lot that I wouldn’t miss.

After books, I moved on to scrapbooks and there are a lot to finish. And photos… there are a lot to scan. All of that will have to wait until I finish decluttering the whole house, and other projects that are higher priority. My daughter, Rachel, is graduating from high school at the end of this month. I have made graduation slideshows for each of the three older children and it is expected that I will make one for Rachel. This will be a very large project. I took the first step yesterday by bringing my laptop to a repair shop.

When I was feeling scared and overwhelmed, this passage kept me going. It was on a calendar in the closet. Just what I needed to see at that April moment.

“I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit, because without me, you can do nothing.”

John 15:5

So true.

Whether I’m letting go or not letting go, I am not alone.

April Habit of the Month

/ Cheryl Wilcox / 1 Comment

Do you remember I wrote about the Flylady’s Habit of the Month?

January: Shine your sink (success!)

February: Declutter for 15 minutes a day (failed)

March: Dress to shoes (success!)

April: Make your bed (Baby say whaaaaat?!)

I already make my bed regularly. So for April, I’m giving myself another chance to succeed with the February habit. I’m calling it a “challenge” and I’m tracking my progress on a pretty little paper I found on this website. I just finished the first week.

Before I started, I think I was having some anxiety about failing again. I have been trying to declutter and organize my house completely for 25 years. Why haven’t I done it yet? I start, and then I get sidetracked. Check this out.

This book was published in 1981, and I believe it was the inspiration for the Flylady’s methods. I’ve been wanting to read it for years. I suddenly had the urge to read it, after I had just said I don’t need to read more books on simplifying in my action faking a.k.a. procrastinating post. So what did I do? I signed up for an Internet Archive account, and I borrowed it. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it, though sometimes it kept me up way past my “bedtime.”

I was extremely tempted to buy all the supplies to set up my 3 x 5 index card file and try-out their cleaning method. But then it occurred to me that this might be action faking. Was I trying to avoid my feelings about starting the decluttering challenge? Was I worried that I wasn’t capable of finishing what I start?

We can’t endlessly prepare if we want real results.

I resisted the temptation. I told myself that if I really want to start a new cleaning method, I can do it after I finish decluttering the whole house. For now, I will focus one day at a time on making progress. I will trust that God will help me if I continue to ask him for help.

I am using the Sidetracked Home Executives’ strategy for putting the house in order. It’s basically: start at the front door and go clockwise through the house, decluttering drawers, cabinets, and closets. Skip the kitchen and do it when you finish the rest of the first floor. Then, go upstairs and work your way around clockwise from the stairs. Then, go to the basement and work clockwise from those stairs. Then finally, clockwise around the garage. Sounds simple enough.

The S.H.E.’s say that the disorder in their house happened because they closed the doors on it. “Psychiatrists call it repression. We called it all dressed up with a dirty neck.” I really enjoyed their sense of humor.

I also liked hearing the origin stories of many of the tools I’ve used for years. When I declutter, I usually sort into these boxes: GIVE AWAY, PUT AWAY, and THROW AWAY. (I call it TRASH.) I learned that they came up with the PUT AWAY box as an “anti-sidetracking device”. It was the breakthrough they were looking for because when they would go return items to other rooms, they would get sidetracked. With this “innovation” they would stay glued to the spot they were working on. I have added another box from this book called STORAGE. It’s suggested that these items get put aside in an area to be sorted when I’m ready to set up the storage area.

The first struggle I have encountered this week has been thinking that I have a long way to go. This was addressed in the book. “Don’t be discouraged at how long a job takes.” They say it takes the average person six weeks to work her way back to the front door, and maybe twelve weeks if you work outside of the home. And it took them three months. They say to keep reminding yourself, “I didn’t get myself into this mess overnight, and I’m not going to get out of it overnight.”

I’m just happy that I’m taking real action, and I am confident that I will have real results.

The Transformation Challenge

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I told you about the YouTube challenge I’ve been participating in that includes strength training and a specific meal plan. Well, it ended on March 28th. I will be submitting before and after pictures, which I don’t think I’ll share here, and I need to make a video that answers the question: how have I transformed? To help me collect my thoughts, I’m going to answer that question here.

First of all, I’d like to say that changes have been made, but I see this as just the beginning. I will continue to take care of my body, by God’s grace, one day at a time. I may have seen more dramatic results if I had pushed myself to increase the weights more quickly, but I was afraid of injuring myself. I increased the weights very gradually, and will continue to do so. Slow and steady is how I roll.

Let’s start with the most obvious change. I’ve changed physically. I’ve lost 10.4 pounds. I’ve lost 3 inches on my waist, 2 inches on my chest, and 2 1/2 inches on my hips. My clothes fit better, I feel stronger, I’m more flexible and have better mobility, and my posture has improved. This is a big one for me. I’ve had six babies, though I had 11 pregnancies, which takes a toll on your body I think. I nursed for about 14 years. I was usually hunched over and my abdominal muscles were very weak because I rarely exercised. Standing up straight took a great deal of effort, but not anymore… I also think I’m probably healthier on the inside, although I don’t have evidence of this.

When I saw the before pictures side by side with the after pictures, I felt sorry for the old me. She didn’t think she looked that bad. She was kind of in denial about the rut she was in. Yeah, I could rationalize that I was smaller than “most people” my age. And I could make myself look thin by the outfits I would wear. But I was hiding a secret that only God knew. I didn’t think I was important enough to make the time and effort to take care of myself physically. I didn’t think I was worth it. I was stuck in the cycle of using food for pleasure, or comfort, or to avoid feelings. I didn’t have the confidence that I could stop the cycle and I wasn’t respecting myself.

I did not want to look at any of this until recently. I’ve been praying throughout this whole challenge that I may do the work, and that the results are up to God. I’ve literally been praying to finish a set and thanking him when I finish it. And it’s been working! So, this challenge has increased my faith and my hope and my gratitude. This really has been an amazing Lent. I’ve seen again what God can do when I ask for help.

Have a wonderful Easter Season!

Uniformity Stories: My Flight to Detroit

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I’m going to start a new category on my blog called “Uniformity Stories.” These will be stories of times in my life when I recognized that God is taking care of me. I’m calling them “Uniformity Stories” because I thought of doing this while I was listening to Uniformity with God’s Will by Saint Alphonsus de Liguori. I’m hoping they will inspire in me greater trust in God and confidence that God wills my good.

I was going on a pilgrimage to the Holy Land. I felt much anxiety the week leading up to it, with all the packing and preparing to leave my six children home with my husband. It wasn’t often that I traveled without them. Never for ten days!

Whenever I travel, I get anxious about being late for the airplane departure. What if my alarm doesn’t go off and I miss the whole trip? In this case, I was meeting approximately 35 strangers in Detroit. What if I miss the connection and I have to find a way to the Holy Land without the others, and I have to find them in Tel Aviv? I can’t remember anymore the details or the extent of my worries; I just know that they were much greater than usual. I had been researching and thinking about preparations for weeks. It was time to take the leap. This is what happened.

I woke up on time. Bobby dropped me off at the airport. I went through security without any problems. I think I got to my gate an hour before my flight. Sitting in the airport chair, with no people around me, I decided to pray. I don’t remember what I said, but I imagine I thanked God for getting me there on time, and I probably asked for help in trusting Him. I did truly want to get closer to Him on this pilgrimage.

Suddenly, I heard an announcement asking if anyone who was going to Detroit wanted to get on a plane that was leaving right now. It surprised me. I didn’t know airlines did that sort of thing. I walked over to the woman at the desk and asked about the announcement. She took my ticket, and in a few minutes, I was seated on an empty plane, going to Detroit an hour before I had planned. I didn’t need to sit near anyone else, which is my preference, and I got a window seat. I was so excited! I was really gushing praise for God. I’m sorry I didn’t trust you. You always take care of me. Thank you so much for doing this and helping me to get there early. But that was not all.

During this short flight to Detroit, I saw the sunrise. And it was beautiful. And I wouldn’t have seen the sunrise if I had been on my purchased flight. I thought that God was saying to me: Do not worry, put your trust in me and see what I can do.

I got to Detroit an hour early, and met some women going on the pilgrimage. We had breakfast together. Many more amazing things took place during those ten days. God is good!

Action Faking

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SUMMIT One Vanderbilt, NYC

This will be a post about procrastination.

A woman came running over to tell me that she was decluttering all the extra chairs that she took from her mom‘s house when her mom passed away a few months ago. She really didn’t need them. She had heard from my mother, about how I helped my mother get rid of the clutter in her home when she downsized. I told her honestly about how I keep decluttering the “downstairs”, which is what we call the first floor of our home. And how I never quite get around to the basement, which has piles of crap in it. The “upstairs”, or second floor, is mostly filled with stuff belonging to my children/young adults. Although, the school room contains a lot of my stuff too.

Today I was sorting through papers. I have these manila folders full of notes and PDF’s. I have a decluttering folder, an organizing time folder, an education folder… you get the idea. I’ve decided that I no longer need all of these notes. There was one paper that got me thinking while I was in the shower, which is one of the best places to think. It had notes about action faking, that were most likely from a YouTube video.

Action faking is procrastinating. It’s doing what we’re comfortable with and taking only the uncommitted actions. It does little to lead to actual progress.

Why are we action faking?

What are we trying to avoid?

Maybe there’s some kind of suffering attached?

Or not believing we’re capable?

This reminded me of the body transformation challenge that I am currently doing. Before I started, I was afraid. I wasn’t sure if I was capable of doing it. I talked about it with my father, who wondered if I would be able to finish it, and my mother, who was worried I’d lose too much weight, and my kids, who probably didn’t say much about it. When I told Bobby about the eight week challenge, he said, “Of course you could do that for seven weeks.” I corrected him by again telling him it was eight weeks, and he repeated, “Seven weeks is no problem.” (He’s my cheerleader.)

Well, it turned out, I started it two weeks early so now it’s a 10 week challenge and I’ve already finished seven weeks of it. It isn’t easy, but I’m not doing it alone. I know that God is helping me, because I keep asking him. I say things like, “Please help me to get through this next set.”

From my notes:

We may never feel completely ready.

Just take a step forward.

We can’t endlessly prepare if we want real results.

Decide what your first real action is, schedule it, and do it.

Avoidance creates the anxiety.

I’m not sure if all of that is true, but I know one thing, I am getting results in the challenge because I have been taking action.

I suspect this is why I haven’t been getting the results I want from my decluttering for the past 25 years. I’ve been just doing what I’m comfortable with, which is the downstairs. I’ve also been action faking/procrastinating by reading, watching YouTube videos, collecting notes on the subject… getting ready.

I had a college professor, who would say that if you read five books on a subject, you’re an expert. Well, I am an expert on simplifying, decluttering, minimalism, or whatever you would call it. I’ve probably read more than 40 books on the subject. I don’t believe that knowledge is power. It may give me some advantage, but without action directed toward my goal, I’m not gonna get there.

I believe prayer is powerful. God supplies the power. I’m going to pray that I will stop getting ready and start taking action. My first step is going to be getting rid of some of these action faking papers. I know what to do.

Retreat Resolutions

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Mt. Alvernia Retreat Center, Wappinger’s Falls, NY

In November 2023, I attended a Spiritual Exercises weekend silent retreat for women at the location shown above. Over the past 14 years, I’ve attended many of these retreats preached by the priests of Miles Christi, according to the methods and principles of Saint Ignatius of Loyola.

During the retreats, I make resolutions. In past years, I’ve thought of these as things I would like to do that I think will improve my spiritual life. I would do some of them, but would often forget about them as time passed. I would review them monthly as recommended for the first few months, and then stop as I got busy with life.

Lately, I’ve been thinking I should be taking these resolutions much more seriously. These are not just goals I thought might be nice to achieve. This is guidance I have received as the result of prayer. This is for my own benefit. This is a gift from the God who loves me.

This year I’m trying something new. In January, I reread my retreat notes. I always take a ton of notes. I love taking notes. I write down what the priest says. I write what I think, what I pray, what I “hear.” The conversations in my head are there in black Pilot G-2 05 ink. While I reread my notes, I took notes of the things that I thought were most important and that I could do. (Only with God’s grace.) Then I organized my notes onto index cards. I read these cards every morning. I have to say this is really helping me to keep focused. When I look at the card I ask myself, “Is this something that I will do today?” Most of the time I say yes, because many of the resolutions I want to do daily. Others, like Adoration for example, I might say, “I’ll do that Wednesday.”

On the back of each index card, I’ve written some retreat notes that went along with the resolution. For example, on the back of my Be grateful – don’t complain card is written:

Of course, I’m not doing all of my resolutions perfectly, and all the time. But these cards have certainly helped me maintain my focus, and to notice which ones I am doing regularly, and which ones I’m not doing, which leads me to ask, “Why? What is getting in the way?”

Recently, I’ve been listening to some of Fr. John Hardon’s talks on the Spiritual Exercises. He says that decisions are made with the mind and resolutions are made with the will. I think that this is an interesting distinction. How often do I know with my mind what I think is the right thing to do, yet I do nothing about it? I take no action. The steps of the discernment of spirits are becoming aware, understanding, and taking action. If I discern something to be an inspiration received during meditation, should I be ignoring it or putting it off until some later time? I think of what Mary said at the Wedding at Cana. “Do whatever he tells you.”

In An Introduction to the Devout Life, Saint Francis de Sales says, “… you must not rest, satisfied with general desires and aspirations, but rather turn them into special resolutions for your individual correction and amendment.” And he says later, “Above all, Philothea, you must be careful to retain the resolutions to which you have come through meditation, on your return to active duties. Without this chief fruit of meditation, it becomes not only useless, but positively hurtful, for our mind is to rest, satisfied with the consideration instead of the practice of virtues…”

I don’t know how long this will last. Will I stop reading my cards in the morning? Will I get distracted by a crisis or some trivial pleasure? I don’t know, but just for today, I am putting first things first and I’m feeling very happy.

Establishing Routines

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What is the difference between a habit and a routine? Instead of looking up definitions, I’m going to define them in my own words. A habit is something that you do regularly, automatically, without thinking about it. There can be good ones, or bad ones. For example, brushing my teeth is a good habit. Scrolling on YouTube in bed, late at night, is a bad habit. In my last post, I shared that I was working on creating new habits such as shining my sink, which is going well; and decluttering for 15 minutes a day, which is not going well. My success comes when I practice the new habit daily, one day at a time.

I think that routines are different than habits. I’ve read that they’re more intentional. They are a series of activities done regularly, together. I’ve been trying to establish a before-bedtime routine and a morning routine. I went old-school here. I wrote lists of things that I wanted to do before bed and in the morning; then I made copies of these lists and used a paper cutter. No high-tech methods for me. I am a box checker, so it’s quite fun. So far, I have been more successful with the morning routine. Many times I don’t start the bedtime routine early enough, and I skip parts of it. I will continue to practice. I believe in progress not perfection.

I guess you could say I’ve also started a new workout routine. I’ve worked out six days a week for four weeks now. The time I do it varies depending on the day. I’ve also started to meal prep my lunches and dinners on Mondays after I food shop. I plan to continue these new routines until Easter. I don’t know what I will do after that, but I’ve made a commitment to myself to complete an online challenge that I’ve joined. The challenge ends on March 28, which is Holy Thursday. I love that I will be eating in a disciplined way throughout Lent. I also plan to fast from YouTube during Lent. It will be interesting to see how that goes.

If I continue practicing these routines throughout the next six weeks, I think I will be living a more ordered life. In addition to more order, the elimination of YouTube may give me some much needed silence, provided that I don’t substitute it with another type of noise or distraction. Putting first things first is always a goal of mine, though losing focus seems to happen frequently. In my next post, I will talk about resolutions.

Habit of the Month

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I want to talk about habits, routines, and resolutions. I’ll do this in a series of posts.

Let’s start with habits.

In my last post, I said that I was revisiting the Flylady website, and that I started implementing some of her ideas. In January, I successfully “shined my sink” almost every night. I didn’t literally shine my sink; but that’s what I call it when I either load the dirty dishes into the dishwasher, or wash them by hand. And then I rinse out the sink and wipe down the counters. Since the Flylady’s habit of the month worked out so well in January, I am going to continue to do it; and add in the February habit of the month, which is decluttering for 15 minutes a day. I know I said I was doing this last fall, but of course I got sidetracked by the holidays as I usually do. And even though I only started today (February 7th), I think February is a fine time to implement this habit. I’ll let you know how it goes.

The Return of the Blogger

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Today I’m in the mood to write. Unfortunately, it’s been three months, so I need to catch up once again. How about monthly highlights with pictures?

November

I’ll also include one Halloween photo with the November pictures since it happened after my last blog post. My daughters, Hannah and Mary were dressed as Daddy and Peppa Pig. My son, Joe, was “Ken” and my daughter Rachel was a modern Belle from Beauty and the Beast.

In November, Hannah introduced me to the Ambience videos on YouTube. I really liked the hobbit houses. The jazz coffee shops, and the Christmas scenes were also helpful in my efforts to slow down, especially on Sundays. The hammock I received the previous Christmas was not used as much as I would’ve liked to have used it. I wasn’t home a lot in the summertime and many times I like to be inside with Twinkie now.

I attended a Miles Christi retreat one weekend in November. It’s a blessing to be able to take part in a silent retreat. I think the benefits are immeasurable. I will hopefully write more on it in another post.

Rachel and Hannah were in their high school’s play called Peter and the Star Catcher. And Joe was the stage manager for A Bright New! Boise at his community college. Bobby and I saw Moulin Rouge at the Bushnell in Hartford, CT, for my birthday. And then there was Thanksgiving, and our annual tree trimming party.

December

On the first weekend in December, I took a trip with my father, sister, nephew, Rachel, and Hannah. We met Bobby in New York City. We saw the Radio City Music Hall Christmas Spectacular. We tried to see some more of the Christmas decorations, but got stuck in a people jam. It’s busy there on the weekends in December!!! We also enjoyed going out to eat and we put up the skinny Christmas tree in the apartment.

We saw Nuncrackers performed by a local theater group. I also attended 3 concerts at my daughter, Sarah’s, college; one in which she played piano pieces and one in which she sang with a chorale group.

My mom had surgery on her wrist. So she needed help, and I slept over her house for the first night after the surgery. She’s still recovering, and needs help once in a while. It was nice to spend extra time with her and her dog Rosie. Joe has been busy creating two Lego stop motion movies.

The Christmas season came and went. I did some holiday baking and celebrated Christmas with my mom at my sister‘s house. Then we hosted Christmas Eve with my dad and other extended family. We also attended midnight Mass. On Christmas Day, Matthew and his girlfriend came over for opening presents and our traditional Santa pancakes and bacon. And then on the 26th of December we hosted a dinner with the members of Bobby’s family that could make it. Some of them were sick this year. We had a quiet New Year’s Eve game night.

January

2024 started with a Lord of the Rings movie marathon. Our local theater had the three movies showing in an XD theater, and I indulged myself. I’ve also been reading, listening to audiobooks and doing many jigsaw puzzles with Mary.

We’ve had two snowstorms so far this year. Bobby was away for both of them so I was in charge of snowblowing and shoveling, and I took care of my mom’s car during the first larger storm.

January has also sparked a return to routines. I spent a day revisiting the Flylady’s website. I started practicing a before-bedtime routine and a morning routine that have been so helpful. I think the thing that’s made the most difference is making sure I run the dishwasher and tidy up the kitchen and living room before bed. It feels good to make breakfast in a clean kitchen.

This past week I started to follow a meal plan and a workout plan that is part of an online challenge I joined. It’s an eight week challenge that starts on February 1st, but I started it early. I’m doing very well with the food prep and eating. The workouts are difficult for me because I am not used to pushing myself with exercise. I usually stop when it gets hard. I worry that I’m going to injure myself and I just don’t enjoy exercising. I don’t mind playing a game, like tennis, or taking a leisurely walk or bike ride. I like hiking and snowshoeing and being outside, but not for very long. So this will be a challenge for me.

There.

I’m all caught up now and ready to blog again.

Soon, I hope.

Decluttering Streak

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It’s Day 9. I’m trying a new method of decluttering. Each day, I set the timer on my phone for 20 minutes and work until the timer goes off. So far, I’ve gone through my bathroom, my nightstand, my dresser and bedroom closet, the living room, the dining room, the pantry, two kitchen closets, the kitchen cabinets and drawers, and part of the mudroom. I also cleared out stuff my daughters decluttered from their rooms and left in the upstairs hallway. This method seems to be going well so far, but I haven’t gotten to any of the difficult areas yet. If I feel like it, I may do more than 20 minutes. That doesn’t usually happen on the weekdays.

The end of October and early November is usually when I feel really in the mood to get my house in order. I always get hopeful that I will get through the entire house, including the basement, but it has never happened. At some point, I become a couch potato, watching Christmas movies surrounded by Christmas lights, blankets and family members.

But this year it might really happen. I mean, 20 minutes a day is doable, right? I wonder how long it will take to get through my whole house…

This weekend is supposed to be sunny and 76°. I plan to work on what I call “winterizing.“ It’s bringing in the outdoor furniture, cleaning out the garage, moving items to the basement and shed so that we can park vehicles in there, etc. Hopefully, some young people will be around to help me.

Home maintenance is a big part of my life. Mowing the lawn (lately), repairing and replacing items, cleaning, shopping, cooking, storing, organizing, tidying…. Maybe the decluttering is giving me hope that I can lighten the load a little.

It has long been a desire of mine to simplify my life. I have tried so many times and then I lose focus. I don’t believe I can do this on my own. What am I thinking? I can’t do anything on my own. I will ask God to help me to stay focused and not get distracted. I trust that with His strength I will be able to do it, if it is His will.