Last night I trudged around my neighborhood in my heavy snow boots and wearing a weighted vest, trying to get to 7000 steps. It was almost sunset and I turned to see the beautiful view in this photo. I took many more pictures on my walk and none of them looked as amazing as it was in person.
It was the Belly Fat Bootcamp that motivated me to go outside while the plows were still making their rounds. It seemed better than the alternative, (the 30 year old treadmill), and it was. The daily step goal for week one was 7000+ steps. It will increase by 1000 steps each week. So as this will be my second week, I’ll do 8000+ steps each day. Then, during week six, I will hopefully be getting in 12,000 steps per day.
I listened to The Two Towers as I walked, but rather than me seeing Gollum frolicking in the forbidden pool, it looked like I was entering Narnia.
Speaking of Lord of the Rings, Bobby and I did go see the first one at Cinemark Friday night, and I did eat a medium popcorn with layered butter. That was the only meal I ate this week that was not on the plan. I’ve been consistent, but not perfect.
I also missed the daily step goal one day this week.
Aha. That was Thursday. I went to the movies with my father and sister. We saw Song Sung Blue. I loved it! But I must have run out of time for walking that day.
The workout plan (not including the cardio) is basically 4 days of full body strength training workouts, with three rest days. On two of the days, there is also an abs/core workout. I tweaked it a little. I do only the lower body exercises with the plan and workout my upper body on the rest days. So, I don’t have rest days, but every day requires a shorter time in the basement, which I prefer. I hope I’ll still achieve great results.
One of my struggles is that I want to see immediate results. I need patience. Change takes time. It takes consistency and effort. I just need to stop focusing on the scale, the tape measure, the mirror, the pizza I can’t have, the peanut M & M’s that look yummy, and the words “hot chocolate”.
I want to thank God for my health, my strength, my nourishing food, all things beautiful… and enjoy the journey.
On Sundays, I do a little weekly planning. I pencil in the activities I’m planning to do at specific times. I fill in the short, daily to-do lists with 2-4 items for each day: calls to make, work-outs, tasks, and small projects.
This week’s projects are:
Belly Fat Bootcamp – This is a six week challenge that begins on January 12th. It’s for women over 40, and it comes with meal and workout plans. I’ve completed similar challenges from Melissa Neill before, and I’ve achieved great results. I started eating the meals this past week and they are quite different for me… quinoa, buckwheat, bok choy, wild salmon for breakfast?
Cleaning out my email – On Thursday, I cleared my inbox. There were over 1000 emails in it. I saved some in folders, and have been unsubscribing from many. This Thursday, I plan to go through all of the folders, deleting what I no longer want to keep.
Take down the Christmas decorations – I don’t really want to this year. It’s not because of the work, but I think I’ll miss the ambiance.
Purge the pantry – It needs to be done. I try to do it every three months, which is seasonally.
New file drawers – This project is taking longer than I expected. I received new hanging folders, manila folders, and Freedom Filer labels for Christmas. I thought I’d switch out the old folders and declutter papers quickly. Nope. There are lots of decisions to be made. Do we want to get rid of certain papers after two years? Do I want the product manuals in the folders or in binders where they are now? Can I get rid of papers from projects I’m not working on? I’ll make decisions.
I’m planning to go to two meetings this week that involve reading books. One is in person (starting up again after a break) and the other is on Zoom (completely new to me). I also have a date with Bobby to see The Fellowship of the Ring on Friday night. We usually watch LOTR together in January. This year we plan to go out for the first and third movies, and watch the second one at home sometime in between the others.
Tonight we’ll be celebrating Bobby‘s birthday. His actual birthday is January 12. He’ll be turning 56, like me. I’m writing about what I know. I’m just happy to be writing.
“Why, I feel all thin, sort of stretched, if you know what I mean: like butter that has been scraped over too much bread. That can’t be right. I need a change, or something.“
Bilbo Baggins
I love, love, love… this description of a feeling I know I’ve felt before, but would never have been able to articulate so well. Since my descriptions of feelings are usually basic: happy, sad, angry, etc. I find writing like this impressive.
I love the whole dialogue between Bilbo and Gandalf in this chapter, in which Gandalf is encouraging Bilbo to leave the ring behind.
“Don’t you want to?”
“Well, yes— and no. Now it comes to it, I don’t like parting with it at all, I may say.“
It reminds me of all the times I want to give up something that isn’t good for me or start doing something that is good for me. I can sense a tension… an invisible tug-of-war going on.
Today at Adoration, I was reminded of a time when I felt very free. And I recalled how surrendering is what brings me freedom. I let go, and listened, and felt great consolation. I find this dialogue so encouraging, because it gives me a visual of what I want to do.
Bilbo is resisting surrendering the ring. He argues, rationalizes, and whines. He says he’ll keep it.
“You will be a fool if you do, Bilbo,” he said. “You make that clear with every word you say. It has gotten far too much hold on you. Let it go! And then you can go yourself, and be free.“
Gandalf
Like Bilbo, I often go from…
“I will do as I choose and go as I please,”
to…
“And yet it would be a relief in a way not to be bothered with it anymore.”
before I am ready to leave the ring behind and feel the joy of walking out the door a free hobbit.
Today, Bobby and I went on my kind of date. We saw The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King on the big screen. And I mean BIG. The XD theater… and I loved it! I missed it when it first came to the theaters, because I was breastfeeding around the clock and taking care of three children four and under. Seeing it reminded me that I have a blog to which I haven’t posted anything since the last time I saw this movie. The photo above shows one of my favorite scenes when Sam (of my blog post title) says, “Come, Mr. Frodo! I can’t carry it for you, but I can carry you!” I’ve got to read these books!
Speaking of books, this Lent I’ve been reading a couple. I’m daily plugging away with Consecration to St. Joseph and following along with videos by Fr. Donald Calloway, MIC. And I’ve begun reading a book I got for free some time ago, and have always wanted to read, called Discernment of Spirits by Fr. Timothy Gallagher, OMV. The motivation to read it now, came from my signing up (and attending) a retreat on the Theology of the Body Institute led by the author, along with Christopher West. Also, my fascination with St. Ignatius was rekindled by reading Saint Ignatius and the Company of Jesus with the girls during school.
So here I am, filled with delight and enthusiasm for embarking on a literature study of The Lord of the Rings, or a methodical education in Theology of the Body. I’m committed to learning more about Christ’s Passion on Fridays, very curious about something called the Flame of Love devotion, and thinking that learning the practice of discernment of spirits would really come in handy. Add to this a feeling of obligation to finish searching for the perfect counter stools to complete our kitchen remodel, and to find blinds and hang up holders in my newly painted bathroom. But after spending three hours and twenty minutes with the virtuous heroes of Middle Earth, online shopping feels so lame and unimportant.
There are many things I can do with my time. I am willing and able to work and I have faith that God will give me the grace to persevere. But first, I’ll need to get my priorities straight. What is God asking me to do? Obviously, I don’t have the answer at this moment. Hopefully, he’ll let me know and ask me to blog about it soon.
It’s good to be reminded of the beauty of surrendering, and of the futility of hanging on to my own will.
Whaaat??!! What a difference a day makes. Why, only yesterday I was…
Let me start from the beginning.
I don’t know when it started, but I know was on a media binge. I had been reading loads of articles on my phone, and I spent a large part of Wednesday afternoon watching inauguration festivities. I don’t think I’ve ever watched one before, but for some reason I thought this one might be historically significant like 9/11 or 476 AD, so I watched it live. There were beautiful buildings. I love the architecture and hope I can see it in person someday. But the events were rather dull except for the commentary, which disturbed me more and more the longer I listened to it. I went out to adoration, prayed the rosary and talked with some friends which made me feel a little better.
Later that night, I continued to “feed” on news headlines, articles, and videos. So and so calls for such and such…
Yesterday morning, I woke up and “consumed” an article recalling the events of 2020. Then I indulged in a heaping plate of anger, with a side dish of self-pity. (I’m going all the way with this eating analogy.) I let my feelings pour out with God. I had a lot of questions, and a few requests. Maybe you could call them demands. “Why?” I was whining. “Explain this to me.” I was murmuring. (Like those crazy Israelites who forgot that God just parted the Red Sea.) I was emotional. And I’m grateful that I feel my feelings today. That wasn’t always the case. But I know from experience, that holding onto anger is no good for me or anyone around me. I went to morning Mass and began to look at my part in this situation.
Throughout the day, some truth came to mind but a sadness remained. I fluctuated from thinking of what behaviors I could change, to not accepting what I cannot change. Besides the obvious fact that a media binge is a bad idea, and the fact that I continue to support businesses that I don’t think I should be supporting, I also thought of Mary. I don’t know a lot about her apparitions, but I think she always says to pray the rosary daily. I’m really inconsistent with it. I have prayed it for years, then stopped for years. I’ll do a novena (even the 54 day ones) when I’m desperate, then stop again after she comes through to help me. I’m pretty sure when she appeared in Fatima that she said to pray it daily or Russia’s errors would spread. I’ve seen this happening. Why haven’t I been praying it? It’s only 15-20 minutes of my day.
Bobby and I have been doing our annual (in January) Lord of the Rings movie marathon. As I was vacuuming, I imagined that I felt like Sam in The Return of the King (SPOILER ALERT) when he knows Gollum is up to something, and he accuses Gollum of taking the bread. Then Gollum twists it around by accusing Sam of taking it, and with lies, tricks Frodo into believing him. Sam gets really angry, but when Frodo says, “No Sam, it’s you.” and “Go home.” Sam cries. So I guess I felt like that. Like crying.
While I was mopping the floor, I listened to some of this Taylor Marshall podcast. He talked a bit about God chastising us. He said that a good father does this to discipline his children. I’ll admit that I’ve thought of this idea before. I haven’t concluded that this is what is happening, but it’s a good possibility. It reminded me of Chapter 4 from Uniformity with God’s Will. I love the whole thing, but especially this chapter. (Audio here)
Here is the wording on chastisements:
Even chastisements come to us, not to crush us, but to make us mend our ways and save our souls: “Let us believe that these scourges of the Lord have happened for our amendment and not for our destruction.”
So that may have helped get me off the pity pot. “God wills our good” always helps. And I may have let a tear(s) fall (SPOILER ALERT) when Frodo said good-bye to Sam at the harbor.
Sam is a model of perseverence. I want to be like Sam. Frodo wouldn’t have gotten far without Sam. (Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.) So last night I deleted my facebook account. And this morning, when the alarm went off at 6:00 a.m. I got out of bed. And I prayed, journaled, and did some spiritual reading. The girls and I attended morning Mass. And during my lunch break I read and journaled until I was at the place I was at the beginning of this post. I think it’s natural to feel angry or sad. But I don’t want to feel bad for myself. Having a temper tantrum will not do anyone any good. I want to be brave, like Sam, and to not give up when life seems scary or difficult. And I want to mend my ways. So I surrender. I know cannot do anything without God’s help. And I don’t want to think I know what’s best.
Unruffled Peace 