It’s been almost 2 weeks since I’ve written here. Bobby and I have worked three days on trimming the arborvitae bushes at my father’s house, and I’ve brought five of us to seven medical appointments. There was a day spent in New York City, some college visits and a funeral. Life has been busy. But I don’t want to write about being busy. I want to write about waiting.
I had some time to reflect while I acted as Assistant to the Regional Manager. (I mean held the ladder, while Bobby trimmed.) I thought about how while I’ve been busy these past two weeks, I’ve also been waiting, and how I’ve had many experiences with waiting.
This past Friday, I had hoped that a decision would be made and my waiting would be over. I was feeling very anxious and expected to feel relief and maybe some peace when this waiting was over. When it didn’t happen, I was really disappointed and also frustrated. I talked with a friend about it, (and vented and whined) and was reminded that here was an opportunity to let go of my will and trust God’s will. While praying, I remembered a time when I was newly married and hoping to get pregnant. After five months of waiting and disappointments, I finally let go of my wanting to have a baby. I had the thought that maybe I might never get pregnant and suddenly I felt OK with it. Maybe Bobby and I would travel and golf and do service work. I wanted to do God’s will, not my own. I had surrendered.
This happens to me over and over, and it happened again on Friday night. I remembered that God wills my good. I don’t know what that is. I tell myself that if such and such happens, then I’ll be at peace. Then I focus on it. And I get anxious when it’s not happening, but the peace comes as soon as I surrender my will, accept God’s will, and trust that He is taking care of me at that very moment and always.
So whether it’s waiting for a baby, a house to sell, a test result, a decision to be made… whatever it is… I have found that what will give me peace is to truly desire to do God’s will, whatever that may be. And to ask Him for help and remember (with gratitude) how good He has been to me throughout my life. Friday night, I was even moved to say “Thy will, not mine be done.”