Author: Cheryl Wilcox

My Stress Response

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You’ve probably heard of the stress response known as fight-or-flight. It can be a good thing, like when you are in a really dangerous situation and your body responds physiologically, helping you to survive. Well, today I thought of it in a different way. (If I was on a singing competition show, you could say, I made it my own.)

When I am afraid, of something real or imagined, and I think that I must handle it alone, it triggers my fight-or-flight response. The way I fight is by obsessively thinking, or maybe planning, figuring it out, researching, worrying, attempting to control, or forcing solutions. My flight behaviors change often, but they are usually a way of mentally escaping, and are often crazy. Past examples: a weekend spent watching a variety of Jane Eyre movie versions, a Harry Potter movie marathon, overworking, focusing on other people, overeating… Current examples: reading news articles, watching YouTube videos, watching The Summer I Turned Pretty… It’s something that may give temporary pleasure or temporarily numb pain. It can dull feelings by diverting attention, distracting the mind, metaphorically running away… The strange thing is that I often don’t realize that I am stressed, until I catch myself doing some of these behaviors.

The good news is that it doesn’t have to be this way. The key thing is for me to remember that I am not alone. Being aware of God’s Presence and trusting in Him keeps those fears and my responses at bay. And there are good habits that I can practice, to increase my awareness of His Presence. Examples: Adoration, daily prayer and meditation, Mass, spiritual reading, talking with spiritual friends, retreats, recollections, reading Scriptures, Confession, examination, journaling… you know, the usual suggestions.

Thoughts on Learning

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I recently felt like I was “playing school” and my “student” was bored out of her mind. This is strange because this is my 19th year of homeschooling, and though I’ve had many bad days; overall, I’ve considered the experience a good one.

So far this year, my excitement for the subject matter is not cutting it. It’s like I’m watching my dream of instilling a love of learning – die – in real time. I’m thinking thoughts like… maybe I’m trying to fill a bucket, instead of lighting a fire. And I’m trying to remember what it was like to be twelve.

I don’t know what the solution is yet, but I’m ok with that. I trust that God will lead us to the next right thing. My daughter and I have been openly discussing ideas. Tonight, I got on my laptop to write a blog post. The word “deschool” popped into my mind. I think I must have heard about it when I was researching home education twenty years ago. A quick search found this:

  • Deschooling
    • frees time restrictions.
    • shows that learning happens outside the classroom.
    • allows for students and parents to shift from the classroom mindset and discover the untapped potential in homeschool learning.

I also found this likeable quote that seems to fit my situation:

“Stop thinking schoolishly. Stop acting teacherishly. Stop talking about learning as though it’s separate from life.”

Sandra Dodd, Unschooling Advocate

I tend to think that I’m a lover of learning. But if I’m honest, I really only love learning the things that I am interested in. Maybe I’ll have more to say about this in the future. For now, I will get on my knees and ask for help, and then climb into my cozy little bed for the night.

Book Notes: The Fellowship of the Ring, Book One, Chapter I

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“Why, I feel all thin, sort of stretched, if you know what I mean: like butter that has been scraped over too much bread. That can’t be right. I need a change, or something.“

Bilbo Baggins

I love, love, love… this description of a feeling I know I’ve felt before, but would never have been able to articulate so well. Since my descriptions of feelings are usually basic: happy, sad, angry, etc. I find writing like this impressive.

I love the whole dialogue between Bilbo and Gandalf in this chapter, in which Gandalf is encouraging Bilbo to leave the ring behind.

“Don’t you want to?”

“Well, yes— and no. Now it comes to it, I don’t like parting with it at all, I may say.“

It reminds me of all the times I want to give up something that isn’t good for me or start doing something that is good for me. I can sense a tension… an invisible tug-of-war going on.

Today at Adoration, I was reminded of a time when I felt very free. And I recalled how surrendering is what brings me freedom. I let go, and listened, and felt great consolation. I find this dialogue so encouraging, because it gives me a visual of what I want to do.

Bilbo is resisting surrendering the ring. He argues, rationalizes, and whines. He says he’ll keep it.

“You will be a fool if you do, Bilbo,” he said. “You make that clear with every word you say. It has gotten far too much hold on you. Let it go! And then you can go yourself, and be free.“

Gandalf

Like Bilbo, I often go from…

“I will do as I choose and go as I please,”

to…

“And yet it would be a relief in a way not to be bothered with it anymore.”

before I am ready to leave the ring behind and feel the joy of walking out the door a free hobbit.

Books Revisited

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I haven’t finished reading any books this summer. I may have started reading some. I’m good at reading something when I get in the mood, and then forgetting about it. Didn’t I say, in January, that 2023 is the year I will finally read The Lord of the Rings? Well, I started it…

This has to change. I’m putting it out here. The books in the photo are what I am currently reading. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll feel obligated to finish them before I start any others. I just need to stay focused.

As you may or may not know, Leisure: The Basis of Culture is my current book study. I’ve written two posts about it here, and I’ve read the third section so many times; but don’t feel ready to write about it yet. I revisited The Noonday Devil because I was led to while reading that amazing third section.

I decided to use The Fellowship of the Ring as a read aloud during school with Mary. I went back to the beginning, this time listening to the audiobook.

The Spiritual Exercises is not really meant to be read. I don’t care. I’m reading it anyway. I’m going to read it cover to cover, very slowly. And sometimes I’ll do meditations. And sometimes I listen to talks by Fr. John Hardon, S.J. While I was painting the foyer, I listened to the talks given to some women religious during an Ignatian retreat in 1975. Extremely interesting.

Finally, I am returning to Norway, through Kristin Lavransdatter. I listened to over a third of the audiobook, (mostly while painting the mudroom) in October of 2020. What happened after that? I do not know, but I started it again, Sunday, on my hammock. I didn’t get far, because guests arrived. It was a busy weekend. But, oh boy, I’m excited to be revisiting these lovely books again.

Reality Check

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From my October 2021 Retreat Notes:

I was thinking of how much peace there is in reality; and I should try as much as I can to stay in it and the truth.

This means more time recognizing the invisible spiritual realities. They are always present, even if I am too busy or distracted to notice them.

This means less time looking at screens. This means spending less time in thinking of the future, which is unknown anyway. What are those thoughts, but projections, imaginations… worries? They are not usually with positive outcomes, and most often not to be at all.

How interesting… (to me anyway). I wrote these words over a year ago and they were saved as a draft. I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to write about tonight, and this incomplete post jumped out at me. So, forgive me if I have a chat with myself.

Yes, my friend, I find this to be true again and again. Take this week, for example. I wrapped up the foyer painting on Monday. It’s nice and clean, and put back together, but I don’t know what I’ll do about the decor. I’m only certain about the piano right now. I haven’t hung anything on the walls, I’m not sure how I feel about the bench, and the sheet music book storage; but I let that go and focused Tuesday on getting ready for the first day of school.

This included food shopping, school supply shopping, bringing out the homeschooling books, making a plan for the 3 day week, and putting things away around the house. Then, all of a sudden the day felt super busy. I started cleaning out the old food in the fridge. Rachel needed paint for her senior parking space at the high school and there was a trip to the Home Depot. I dropped Hannah off at the park for cross country practice and I tried to pick her up on my way to the orthodontist with Mary, but when we got there, she was in the woods and we couldn’t find her. So we went to the orthodontist appointment and were receiving texts that she needed a ride home. So back to the park and then home to continue my “to do” list.

I was feeling a little stressed. You know how I get when I am rushing. And what for? Why did I think I had to do all those things to be prepared for the first day of school?

The reality is that this morning I got up at 6 AM to wake Mary for the first day of school. Hannah had already woken her up and I found her upstairs vomiting. I headed downstairs to set up the bucket, sheets and blankets, and draw her a bath; and found that Sarah was also vomiting. So… change of plans. Instead of the first day of school, I spent a quiet day at home, taking care of my daughters.

It’s another reminder that I don’t know what the future holds. It’s a waste of time to worry about it. I just want to be grateful and to stay in the present moment.

Another reality is that last night before I went to bed, I journaled about all my worries. I asked God to please take care of me, and all my needs. I gave Him all of my concerns. I asked Him to please direct my thinking. I believe He did just that. This morning, I cheerfully accepted the change of plans. (This is not me.) And today, instead of trying to get more done, I rested.

Attitude Adjustment

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“Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

Abraham Lincoln

I’m in the middle (gosh I hope it’s the middle) of remodeling my foyer. As usual, I’ve underestimated the amount of time it’s going to take me to get the job done. I think I started on Saturday with the buying supplies, emptying the room, and spackling and sanding. I continued the prep work on Monday, and Tuesday morning. Then I covered the floor and taped some areas. I started painting the trim around 4:00 p.m. and finished the first coat around 11:00 p.m. Today I completed the second coat after working from 10:15-6:00. At some point, I noticed some pretty negative thoughts were going through my mind. The project was taking too long, I had a long way to go, it was looking awful so far, the house is a mess, this is so much work, I missed one of the last beautiful days of summer, I hope this comes out OK…

Fortunately, I realized that I have a choice in what kind of attitude I want to have. I choose to be grateful. I even wrote down a list of things I am currently grateful for. There is no need to feel bad for myself. I really had a good day.

Summer 2023

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With just two weeks left until school starts, I thought I might do a summer highlights with photos post. This has been a great summer for me. In addition to my usual activities, I’ve been traveling quite a bit, and Mary’s new kitty, Twinkie, has brought a new kind of joy into our home. We all love him.

Tonight I was thinking… I wonder if I can start blogging again. Maybe on Wednesday nights? And then, of course, I realized that I must account for the gap between May 31st and the middle of August. Well, that’s basically my summer.

My laptop went kerplooey, one oven needs a new igniter and the other needs a new fan, and I had an evening of smoke detectors going off every 15 minutes while I replaced all the batteries, and then finally took down the defective one. Hannah got glasses for the first time and Mary’s taking steps to get braces. There were the annual events such as: the triple birthday party, trimming my dad’s bushes, and completing the school department paperwork. There were many days of hanging out at my dad’s pool or going to the movies.

We’ve been consistently keeping up a Monday game night with whomever is home. We might play Old Maid or jackbox.tv. Modern Family has been popular around here too. I haven’t done any projects yet, but I am hoping to paint our foyer next week.

And now, about the traveling… In June, I went to New York City with Hannah. Bob was with us too, but he was working. We went biking in Central Park, visited a Van Gogh exhibit at The Met, tried out some new restaurants, and rested in the apartment. I think I decluttered the kitchen and cleaned too.

In July, Bob and I met in Los Angeles, and spent the day together. We took a one day tour.

The only reason we went to Los Angeles was because it was on the way to Fiji, where Bob had a work trip. Just like in England last spring, I tagged along and spent the days off on my own. I felt so much gratitude. As someone has said, the beauty of creation makes us think of the Creator, and brings up feelings of thankfulness. (I’m sure it was said in a much better way than that.)

Bula!!!

Last week, Joe, Rachel, Hannah, Mary, and I met Bob in New York City for a vacation week in our apartment. We did a lot of touristy things that Bob hadn’t done before, and we saw some great shows.

So now that I’m caught up, I can blog my little heart out. (Hopefully, it’ll be more than seasonally.)

Cat Paws

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Today we welcomed a new kitten into our family. Mary has named him Twinkie. He’s three months old and very loveable. He’s staying in my bedroom tonight. Tomorrow morning, I plan to tidy up the main living areas and let him explore. But for now, I think I better go to sleep. I may be up early with this little guy.

Continuing This Blogging Streak …

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I don’t have much time, but I can say a few things.

Though I didn’t like science in school, and I have a different worldview; I do find myself identifying with Sheldon Cooper of The Big Bang Theory. I appreciate: his desire for things to be chronological, his not wanting to lie, his discomfort with not finishing things, his difficulties with sarcasm and the expectation that people are speaking literally, and his pleasure in sorting, organizing, and labeling stuff. There’s probably more. I really hope I am not as immature, and annoying to other people as he can be.

My daughter, Sarah, is graduating from a local community college and she won’t be attending the ceremony. I did the same when I finished the classes for my bachelor’s degree. I remember when my diploma came in the mail. I sat down on the sofa in my apartment, opened the envelope and admired the large paper for a minute. I think I said, “Cool!” And then I went and did something else.

My daughter, Rachel, will be going to the prom tomorrow with her boyfriend. I didn’t go to any proms during high school. I didn’t have any boyfriends either. I remember my father taking me out to Friendly’s and talking with me about it. He thought that if I didn’t go to my senior prom, I would regret it. I can honestly say that I have regretted many things and that is not one of them.

My youngest child, Mary, just turned twelve. For her birthday this year, Bobby and I told her that we’ll adopt a kitten. It’s something she’s wanted for a long time. I haven’t wanted any pets since my cat, Roxanne, died around 21 years ago. I didn’t want the responsibility of caring for a pet, in addition to all of the responsibilities that I already have or that I just think are mine. Monday, Mary and I visited a woman who is fostering kittens. Mary chose one of them, and we’ll hopefully be able to adopt him. We’ve been getting prepared; and I’m actually excited about it.

I’ll finish with an idea I heard two times today from two different sources. It’s the idea of walking with God, and that it is my lifeline. I want to be alive today, not just existing. I don’t want to be shuffling through my days, on auto-pilot, or exhausted. I’ve done enough of that. So, it’s good to be reminded. It’s not sleeping in, or getting more done, or having more fun, that will give me the life I seek.

Thinking About Balance and Acceptance

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Wouldn’t it be great if I could maintain a perfect balance of all the important aspects of my life?

I imagine a pie chart with colored pieces like: physical, spiritual, emotional, etc. Or, even more detailed, like: sleep, eating well, exercise, prayer, time with family, time with friends, chores, projects, recreation, etc. I have no idea what the ideal pie chart should look like. What pieces should it include? What percentage of the whole should each piece be given? And even if an ideal pie chart could be created, how would I ever measure or achieve such a lofty goal?

I’ve been tracking my food intake on MyFitnessPal for couple of weeks now. I entered some goals for macros, and as you can see in the photo above, the app can create a nice pie chart showing my results each day. So far, I have not once reached these simple goals; but I am happy with my imperfect results. My overall goal is to build muscle and lose fat, not to create perfect pie charts.

So, what is my overall goal in life? It’s not to maintain a perfect balance of all the important aspects of my life. It’s this sort of thinking that can make me crazy. Or at least, unsatisfied with my performance. It would never be good enough. How could it be? With my finite energy, abilities, knowledge, and my lack of control over circumstances…

Today I was recognizing that when I desire perfection, and I think I can attain it with the right plan, I’m relying on myself. I’m likely worried, angry if things don’t go as planned, disappointed in myself and others, and more unfortunate emotions. BUT, when I rely on God’s strength and guidance, I need not worry about such and such. I will work on it each day, with God’s help, and what does not get done, is how it is to be. I have acceptance of what is. I have progress and Love. There is nothing better.