Pondering

Looking Back, Looking Ahead, and Being in the Moment

/ Cheryl Wilcox / Leave a comment
A view from Ellis Island

I’m writing from New York City. It’s quiet here this morning, so I thought I would take some time to write. Bobby is at work, and Rachel, Hannah, and four of her friends are in the other room. I am sure that some of them are still sleeping because I don’t hear any talking. We arrived yesterday. Hannah and her friends stayed in the apartment with Bobby, who was working remotely, and I met Rachel and three of her friends and their moms for lunch and a matinee. Mamma Mia!

The show was great! I’m not sure what Hannah and her friends want to do for the next two days. I know there are some stores they want to visit.

Last week was our family vacation. Because our children are teenagers and adults now, and many weren’t sure if they would be able to take a vacation with us this summer; we decided to spend a week in New York City instead of booking somewhere else ahead of time. Bobby and I ended up coming to New York with Sarah, Rachel, and Mary.  Here are some highlights and photos from the trip:

  • Anne Frank exhibit
  • Little Island, where Sarah played Billy Joel‘s Vienna on a piano
  • Walking on the High Line (where I thought I was going to die because it was in the 90s and we didn’t want to spend whatever the exorbitant price was on water… we walked til I nearly dropped)
  • The Godfather at Bryant Park
  • Liberty Island
  • A hardhat tour on Ellis Island
  • Hamilton (10 year’s old now)
  • Stranger Things: The First Shadow

We were very tired after the busyness of the first couple of days, so we stayed in the apartment for most of the last half of the trip and watched some movies (Freaky Friday, Minecraft, The Parent Trap, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days) and we binge watched Stranger Things.

The girls and I watched The Summer I Turned Pretty episode of the week, and we played Payday and many games of Sorry!

Bobby, Sarah, and I worked out in the gym. Unfortunately, I have not worked out in about a week. In between the two New York trips, I was pretty busy. My father-in-law was in the hospital when we were away. We visited him at his home on Sunday and he is doing OK. I brought my father to an ERCP on Tuesday and that went well. They removed a stent he had put in when he was in the hospital when I was in Vancouver.

So, once again it’s been a busy summer. A mixture of work and fun times. Some worries and stress, and some peace and joy. It went by so fast. School begins next week. I know my calendar is looking pretty full, as it usually is at this time of year.

My perspective on life seems so seasonal. I wonder if this is part of my personality… to reflect on things so chronologically. I am a thinker. Summer used to be my favorite season when I was in my 20’s. I was quite the beach lover. But for many years now, my favorite season has been fall. I’m looking forward to more structure and order, and cool, crisp, blue sky-bright foliage days.

It’s also a tendency of mine to think a little ahead too much. I don’t want to think too far into the future, but I often think about the next few weeks. Sometimes, I overwhelm myself. The best thing for me to do is to stay in the moment. Just for today, I want to listen and be present.

Thoughts on Projects

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It’s Sunday, a good day to rest. Today I am reflecting on the past week. It started out with my trying to live a more orderly life, and ended in a flurry of activity. I think what got me off track was a project. I have a tendency to lose myself in projects. I don’t think this is necessarily a bad thing. In this case, I was taking advantage of momentum.

Let me explain. I have four projects that I’m working on this month. I post them on the chalkboard in my kitchen to constantly remind me of what projects I consider to be the current priorities.

On Thursday, I decided to work on the preparing for St. Mary’s High School project; specifically, I wanted to find school uniform pants for my daughters. It turned out that we have hand-me-down pants that will fit Mary. Hannah needs new pants. I also thought that I would help Mary to remove some of the stuffed animals from her bed (and declutter or organize all the ones in her room) and get her new bedding, since hers was kind of old and worn. After a trip to the mall, where we didn’t buy any pants or bedding, but bought new pillows and some closet, organizing tools, Mary and I started organizing the dolls. This somehow turned into an all day declutter and organize the whole room project. I felt OK about it because they were motivated, and though I wasn’t planning on doing this anytime soon, it is part of the third project on my list: home assignments. That project involves decluttering and finding homes for all the things we are keeping.

On Friday, I finished decluttering my bathroom and the living room, and then my daughter Rachel, asked if we could declutter the school room. That’s what we call a large room above our garage, where we used to all homeschool, and what is currently Rachel‘s bedroom. You can see it in the room tour, but it didn’t look anything like that on Friday. (Why didn’t I take before and after pictures?) Anyway, just imagine piles of books, clothes, games, DVD’s, nail polishes, and papers.

I couldn’t say no to someone wanting to declutter with me! So we methodically went through the room clockwise, discussing all of the items we picked up, and either keeping them or putting them into one of the boxes: GIVE AWAY ( to donate or sell), PUT AWAY (belongs in another room), KEEP – STORAGE (is going somewhere in the basement), TRASH, and PAPER TRASH. I will go through the books at another time and I have a cabinet of photos, memorabilia and scrapbook supplies that will become another project someday, but we consider the room finished. I think we worked till about 11:30 at night I was all-in.

On Saturday, I had plans in the morning, but in the afternoon I worked on the dining room and my kitchen desk area. Then I was too tired to do anymore.

If you’ve read this blog, or know me in real life, you know that I’ve been trying to “finish” this decluttering and finding a place for everything project for years. My father keeps telling me that I will never catch up on home maintenance. I think he means that there will always be chores to do and something to fix. I agree with him on that. But I envision having a place for everything and everything in its place. I desire to have every room maintained as well as I would if I was going to put the house on the market. I understand that when I get to that point, I will need to continue to fix things when they break and to do chores daily, weekly, monthly, seasonally, and annually to maintain it. But I’m not giving up on my goal of getting to that point.

I think I see this project as similar to my transformation challenges. (In which I followed a strict meal plan and difficult, time-consuming strength training workouts, along with cardio, for eight weeks or more.) Both require a large commitment, and a lot of work. They seem overwhelming if I look from where I am at the beginning, to where I want to be at the end. But if I just take it one day at a time, and do the next task, I make progress. Over a period of time, I can reach my goals. The extreme, tedious actions are only temporary. Then, I can maintain what I have achieved with good habits.

At the beginning of 2024, I wrote three posts on habits, routines, and resolutions. This is my post on projects. I am thinking about how I can work on my projects in a more balanced way, without giving up my habits, routines, and resolutions.  I also see the value in going “all-in” with a project when you’re in the mood and when you have willing helpers.

I think my next post will be about systems. I’ve been tweaking my current system of index cards and a big fat planner. I’d love to write about it soon.

Time to Breathe Deeply

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Monday-Saturday was all about getting things done. Check. Check. Check. But it wasn’t the satisfying feeling of calmly, methodically, working through a to do list. It might have looked that way on the outside, but inside it felt more like the “putting out fires” and “running around like a chicken with its head cut off” kind of accomplishing tasks.

And now it’s Sunday, a day of rest. A time to breathe deeply. To inhale and exhale. To journal and to sit still. A time to think: Hey, I want to do this more often.

“There’s one word that identifies people that are living a good life and that is ORDER. An orderly life.”

Fr. John Hardon

Hmm. I think I’ll try some of that.

On Sundays, I do “weekly planning”. This week I’m planning to wake up at 6:00 a.m. each day, and to go to bed at 10:00 p.m. A consistent bedtime and rising time would be orderly. When I get up at 6 o’clock, it gives me time to complete my morning routine, which includes journaling, and sitting still, and breathing, among other useful pursuits.

I’m planning to work on my index card activities before moving onto projects or recreation, because what is written on those cards are my priorities. They are spiritual practices, self-care endeavors, and tasks related to my vocation. I will try to leave some white space on my calendar, or margin, as some people call it; so I don’t feel anxious or rushed.

This morning, I watched a documentary about Saint Ignatius Loyola and I wrote down this quote:

“The well ordered life is centered around the worship of God.”

This is really the way to not feel anxious or rushed. To pray and be led. To be aware of the presence of God and to put all my trust in Him, rather than relying on myself. Pushing myself to get things done drains my energy, whereas resting in Him gives me life and peace.

Summer and the End of Homeschooling

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Lake Washington, Seattle

Ah, the beauty of summer…

I’m ready to write, but this isn’t gonna be another catch up post. Or… is it?

Bobby joined me as I completed another eight week body transformation challenge. We followed the meal plans, and did the same workouts, sometimes together and sometimes separately. Joseph was in Guys and Dolls. My father was in the hospital for about a week. He seems to be OK now. Bobby and I spent a week in Vancouver, and a week in Seattle. I’ve been mowing the lawn, bringing my parents and children to doctors’ appointments, driving Hannah back-and-forth to her summer job at Six Flags, and I prepared a lot of Italian food for our triple birthday party. The girls and I have been watching The Summer I Turned Pretty together. This week I am super motivated to declutter, and I’m starting to sell homeschool curricula.

OK, that catches me up. Now I can tell you why I thought I’d be blogging more frequently, although it has not come to pass. This past June, I finished homeschooling. As in… I have finished 20 years of homeschooling my six children! Sometimes, it doesn’t feel like a very big deal. I knew it was coming, and it happened gradually. At one time, I was homeschooling six children, and then it was five, and a couple of years later it was four, and the next year, it was three. Eventually, only Mary was doing school at home. And this September, she will be going to high school.

But on the other hand, this will be a big change for me. It’s the end of something that was a very large part of my life for a very long time. Many days, I have grieved the loss of those little ones, and my younger self, and those simpler (but not easier) days. I do not regret any of it. Well, there are things that I wish I would’ve done better, but I understand that I could only do things to the best of my ability at the time. I’m so grateful for my experiences, and especially, for experiencing this way of life.

I see that school supplies are out in the stores now. I have memories of years of stocking up on dry erase markers, and crayons, and notebooks. I remember the excitement of beginning again in a clean schoolroom with sharpened pencils, new books, and big plans. Pushing my Walmart cart by the end caps, I feel sad for a couple of seconds. I really miss the laughter of those little kids…

But it passes quickly. I prefer to stay in reality. Those days are gone, and I am blessed to live the life I’m living today. And there’s always the excitement of not knowing what the future will bring. I expect it will be good.

I imagined I’d have so much more free time when I came to the end of homeschooling. In June, I thought I might write here a few times a week, but so far it’s like any other summer. Five of my children are still home. Three of them are adults and two of them are teenagers. I’m close with my parents, who are divorced, so I usually see them separately. My days are still filled with meaningful work and building or maintaining relationships.

I’m starting to tackle some projects. One of them is selling homeschool curricula, which is a part of the organizing the basement project. I’m starting another whole house declutter, and finishing up with assigning homes to all of our possessions. And there are lots of tasks that crop up such as covering my blueberry bushes with netting, fixing the tent that was damaged in the thunderstorm, taking Hannah to open a checking account at the bank, and going to the eye doctor. And there are loads of books I want to read…

Maybe it’s time to do a time assessment or a brain dump. I gotta sort out my priorities. And I need to pray. And sleep. And I hope I write about it all really soon.

On Being Indecisive About What Books to Read

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I own loads of books that I want to read, but have only a little bit of time each day for reading. So isn’t it great that I’m using some of the time I could be reading to write a blog post about it?

Seriously… I know that writing and talking with other people often leads me to clarity of mind. So let’s get started.

First of all, I read for different reasons. One of the reasons is for enjoyment, entertainment, fun, or whatever you would call this. There are authors that make me smile, and worlds that I love to imagine. I also like to read to learn, or to be inspired, or to be more convicted about ideas. I think it’s my reading to gain knowledge that is causing my current trouble. More specifically, I want to study books about my Catholic faith in a methodical, focused way in which I start a book and then finish it before starting another one. Recently, I’ve been picking up a book when I’m in the mood and then not finishing it.

My “Currently Reading” list in the Goodreads app is proof of this. I am currently reading 11 books. One of them is an audiobook that Mary and I are listening to together. Of course, I will finish this and start another one. Another is a devotional book that I will finish. Two of them are fiction (for fun) books that I will gradually finish. The other seven are the “learning” books I picked up and left hanging. It’s interesting to note that three of them are rereads. For some reason, I picked them up again and didn’t finish them.

I know that this indecisiveness is the result of fear of making a wrong decision. I want to use my time wisely, so it’s important that I know which books are the absolute best ones for me to read. I also want to know the exact order in which I should read them. I can’t have any “holes” in my knowledge. This is clearly perfectionism and unrealistic expectations. I’m not using my time wisely when I research the crap out of stuff and avoid making a decision.

One night, I spent some time looking at book lists. And some of the books on them didn’t interest me. So there’s that. There were some nice book lists that had many of the books I owned on them. These were obviously books that I was interested in reading, because I either bought them, or received them as gifts. Somehow, I went from looking at book lists, to purchasing a book called How to Read Your Way to Heaven. (It was one of my snuggling with my phone in bed nights.)

For about two weeks now, this book has solved my “reader’s block” problem. 

I’m following the One-Year Program (Year 5 of the Five-Year Program) that will result in me reading the entire New Testament, Christian Prayer (Part Four) of Catechism of the Catholic Church, and 12 spiritual books that are related to prayer.

This is very doable. I haven’t timed it yet, but it’s supposed to take about 30 minutes a day, five days a week. I feel great that I started, and I have a solid plan for a minimum of weekly reading. I am sure that I can plug away at my Goodreads list on the weekends.

Indecisiveness and perfectionism comes up in other areas of my life, such as: what I will do for exercise, what meals to cook, what clothes to wear, how to decorate my home, how to organize stuff, and so on. Sometimes I think I just need to make a decision and get going on it. Making a decent decision (maybe not the best ever) is better than making no decision at all. I recently heard this advice regarding exercise: Instead of doing “all or nothing,” try doing “all or something.” I like that. 

Winter Sentiments

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This afternoon, my daughter, Rachel, and I were decluttering up in the school room, which is also her bedroom. (Mary and I homeschool in the living room nowadays.) Rachel got rid of a bunch of squishies. I let go of some jigsaw puzzles and a stack of homeschooling papers about 2 inches thick. And once again, I made a little pile of school books to either sell, donate or throw away, a pile for my library, and a pile of “I don’t know yets.”

I did all of this very quickly. Having my daughter in the room with me seemed to help me make decisions, instead of putting them off. I think I accepted the reality that I will no longer be planning another school year. I was able to express this to my daughter and to say out loud that it is sad that I don’t have those little kids anymore. But I still have those kids. They’re just older now. I told her how I loved reading picture books and doing Five in a Row activities. I told her that I started homeschooling in 2004, so I will have done it for exactly 20 years. And how it’s hard letting go of those booklists that I’ve kept for so long, but I also want to move on…

Then I took a shower and felt the sadness. I miss little Matthew, my oldest son, who’s moved out. We spent so much time together. I watched him grow into a young man. And he’s a good one. Yesterday, I think he was plowing parking lots during the snowstorm. I remember him in his puffy little snowsuit, pretending to snow-blow our driveway. I would wonder if I should tell him to come inside when it was freezing out and he was having so much fun.

I know I can let go of more material possessions. And it’s good to feel my feelings and let them go too. Even after I decide, it takes a bit of work to get everything out of the house. It’ll be worth it though. I think I’m getting prepared for the next phase of my life. I don’t know what that will look like, but I don’t need to know. I believe that I will be led. I am on a journey. I plan to travel light.

The New Year: Time to Review and Renew

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Now that we’re two weeks into 2025, I am finally ready to write again. The end of 2024 was such a whirlwind of busyness. I didn’t plan for that to happen, but it happened once again. Now I’m in that place where my eagerness to change my whole lifestyle has worn off, and I’m realizing that all I have is today. I’m not going to radically change my body, my home, or my habits in a couple of weeks. I’m just going to live one day at a time and focus on turning to God as much as possible each day.

Of course, the first thing I must write is a review of the end of 2024. It was a mixture of traditions and new experiences.

  • There were some field trips with Mary. First to Old Wethersfield, CT with my father-in-law, and then to Salem and Boston with my father, and my brother (who was up from Tennessee) and his girlfriend.
  • Joseph was in a community theater production of Beauty and the Beast.
  • Hannah was in the play, Big Fish, at her high school.
  • Sarah and Rachel sang in a choral concert at the college they both attend.
  • My friend, Carol, and I went on a Miles Christi Spiritual Exercises retreat in Wappingers Falls, New York.
  • We hosted Thanksgiving.
  • We had our annual tree trimming party.
  • Mary and I spent some time with Bobby in New York City. We saw loads of Christmas decorations, and we went to Madame Tussaud’s wax museum for the first time. It was one of the touristy things I had not done yet. 
  • I started a huge project. I made a slideshow of pictures of my Christmases from 1969 until 2024. I did it methodically, and it was very time-consuming. I still haven’t created the DVD yet, but after Christmas we did watch all four parts by connecting a laptop to the TV. A true family movie night.
  • I spent the day with my mom when she had eye surgery.
  • The girls and I went to my nephew Edward’s high school band concert.
  • Matthew turned 26.
  • Joseph turned 24.
  • I created a Christmas musical bingo game to play on Christmas Eve and we tested it out.
  • There was a lot of time spent Christmas shopping and wrapping presents.
  • We took pictures and made a Christmas card.
  • My sister and her family hosted Christmas with my mom.
  • We hosted Christmas Eve with my dad.
  • I attended midnight Mass. Rachel and Hannah sang in the choir.
  • On Christmas morning, we did our annual Santa pancakes and bacon breakfast and opening of gifts with the “kids” and Matthew’s fiancé, Anna.
  • Then we hosted Christmas with Bob’s side of the family on the 26th.
  • I took another trip to NYC with Bobby, Rachel and Hannah. Rachel wanted to see the decorations and Hannah wanted to see the Harry Styles pop-up store. We ended up seeing A Complete Unknown at the Lincoln Square AMC and it was so much fun. We considered New Year’s Eve in Times Square, but I wasn’t feeling up to par, and it was going to rain, so we came home on New Year’s Eve day.

And this brings me to 2025. I started a new method for keeping a schedule. It’s a combination of using a planner and the index card filing system laid out in the book, Sidetracked Home Executives. (These were some of my Christmas gifts from Bobby.) So far, I’m liking how it’s going. Maybe I’ll write a post about that sometime.

Mary and I have gotten back in the groove with homeschooling. For my meals and workouts this year, I decided to do the transformation challenge again. I successfully completed it last year and the results were amazing! Unfortunately, I didn’t keep up with it. I went back to my unhealthy eating habits, and walking occasionally was my exercise. So I’m back to meal prepping on Mondays for the whole week and I’m doing great on that end. I haven’t been keeping up with the workouts. I did a bit too much on the first day and I could barely walk. Then I took a few days off. I’ve been procrastinating a lot when it’s time to work out. I haven’t decided what I’m gonna do about this. I need to pray about it.

I’ve been taking down the Christmas decorations. Bobby turned 55 years old, so we’re the same age again. We celebrated his birthday last Sunday. A box of 60 eggs now costs $26.32. I remember a few years ago, when I first started buying these boxes at Walmart, they were $8.00. I got my haircut and I want to figure out how to style the layers. Or… I could just keep straightening it.

I love a new year with new possibilities!

I did spend some time reading my retreat notes from last November, and once again made some index cards to read every day to keep my focus on what’s most important. My resolutions this year are not really things I want to accomplish, but rather attitudes that I want to have. One of those attitudes is gratitude. I think this writing was helpful to me. I feel grateful for the blessings of 2024.

Writing always helps me to slow down. Sometimes my thoughts seem to go too fast and I feel like I’m not keeping up. I focus on the things that I’m not getting done. I can be way too hard on myself. But when I am still, and very quiet, I know that it’s enough. Everything is as it’s supposed to be at this moment.

And it’s gonna be a year of hope!

Fifty-Five

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At a wedding with Bobby 11/10/24

On November 2, 1969, I was born. Fifty-five years later, I am grateful for my life. My hair, my teeth, and my skin are definitely showing signs of aging; but along with those visible changes have come the invisible ones. I have experienced so much. I’ve learned a lot through the joy and pain of living and loving and being human. I thank God for the peace I have today. I pray that I may remain teachable and grateful as new lessons come my way.

Current Events

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Bobby’s baby grass. He asks me to take pictures of it almost daily. 

In my small, Catholic grammar school, I had a class called Social Studies. One year, maybe when I was in six or seventh grade, we had to bring in newspaper clippings weekly, and learn about “current events”. I didn’t like this. I never knew what was going on. I remember bringing in articles about OPEC or Anwar Sadat, and having no clue about what I was presenting.

My memories of watching the news are my mom saying, “Oh…those poor people, can you imagine what they’re going through?” And I would think, No, I don’t want to imagine that at all. I was used to watching The Guiding Light, The Jeffersons and Three’s Company. I’d rather think about Star Wars or Michael Jackson or E.T. I was busy amusing myself to death.

Since my last blog post, I vacationed in Las Vegas and New York City, helped with the annual trimming of my dad’s arborvitae bushes, spent a few days getting back into routines, helped Sarah shop for a car, then I got sick.

I plopped myself on the couch and watched a bunch of movies and I also had a YouTube relapse. I was watching videos of “current events” and they were nutty. There was the attempted assassination of Trump, Biden stepping down from campaigning, Kamala possibly running for president, an IT outage, and the opening ceremonies of the 2024 Olympics in Paris. I’m noticing a big difference between these YouTube videos and the newspaper clippings from my middle school class. For one thing, they’re more addicting. They are also seemingly never-ending. And they are mostly reactions and opinions about what happened, or parts of stories leaving you with unanswered questions. Was that blue screen of death on my laptop in the summer of 2023 from an IT outage?

Anyway, you’ve got to expect times to change in 40 something years. I recently watched some movies that were set in the 90’s that seemed like so long ago. Remember when answering machines seemed cool?

Las Vegas trip with Hannah and Bobby, July 11-15 (including her 16th birthday)
NYC trip with Rachel, Hannah, my sister Jodie, my nephew Patrick, (and Bobby at night) July 17-19

I don’t really have a point to this post. I just needed to get off YouTube and I felt like writing. I also wanted to post some pictures of Las Vegas and New York to look at in the future. And as usual, I need to be caught up with the current events in my life so that I feel ready to write more.

July Habit of the Month: Drink Water

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I will track this habit by making eight dots at the bottom of each day in my planner/bullet journal. When I drink 8 ounces of water I’ll change a dot to an X. My goal will be to drink at least 64 ounces of water a day.

Phew! I’m happy to be writing again, and I feel hopeful that I can once again focus on habits, routines, and resolutions. I have been very scattered since I posted at the beginning of May. It was a very busy two months, and by looking back at my iPhone photos, I can recall some of what I was doing.

There was Mother’s Day, my father-in-law was in the hospital, and I watched many tennis matches. There was Mary’s birthday, a Memorial Day picnic, Rachel’s art show and prom, her class night and graduation. Then there were weeks of creating a slideshow of Rachel’s life from birth to graduation. (I did it for the older three children, so I had to continue this tradition.) We also prepared the house and the food for the big graduation party, and then there was Father’s Day.

Next, there was the unexpected water in my basement. When I went downstairs to gather up some homeschool books to sell online, (my first step in decluttering and organizing the basement) I found water all over certain sections of the basement and shooting out of our tankless water heater! On a happier note, I spent a weekend in New York City with my father and Bob. This was my father’s Christmas present. We saw A Beautiful Noise, which is a musical about Neil Diamond, and spent a wonderful night at a Yankees game, among other things. Then last week, I spent a couple of days with my mother, as she needed help with another surgery. This time it was on her left wrist. Yesterday, we watched Clueless and played a lot of games for Sarah‘s birthday. This brings me to today. Two eye doctor appointments, two dentist appointments, and Hannah had her braces put back on after having them off for a month.

Seeing it all in writing makes me feel better. These are my excuses for not sticking with my morning routines and bedtime routines, and for not doing my strength training and eating healthy.

Today is a new month, and a new day. I find that there is a snowball effect that happens when I get too busy to pray and meditate. I might get anxious and make poor choices. I stop taking care of myself physically. I let routines slide. Habits go out the window. I think the same is true when I focus on first things first. I gain clarity. And the snowball starts rolling down the hill. I make rest a priority. I might start drinking more water, and I’ll go back to my routines. The snowball will get larger and start picking up speed. I’ll be feeling good enough to work out and eat healthy.

Today I took some time to relax. I read the book, Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret. I loved this book when I first read it. I must have been under nine years old because I remember the house I was living in while I was reading it. It was still enjoyable reading it as an adult. I also took some time to write in my paper journal, and now I’m writing here. I’m not feeling as scattered.

Rest and recollection slows my mind down. It helps me remember my priorities. I love visual metaphors. I’ve heard one described something like this. Imagine you’re in a pond and you’re moving around a lot. The water looks kind of murky and you can’t see through to the bottom. Then imagine you stop moving and stay still. After some time, the water is calm and it gets clearer, and then you can see better. And so it is with me.