Decluttering

Thoughts on Projects

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It’s Sunday, a good day to rest. Today I am reflecting on the past week. It started out with my trying to live a more orderly life, and ended in a flurry of activity. I think what got me off track was a project. I have a tendency to lose myself in projects. I don’t think this is necessarily a bad thing. In this case, I was taking advantage of momentum.

Let me explain. I have four projects that I’m working on this month. I post them on the chalkboard in my kitchen to constantly remind me of what projects I consider to be the current priorities.

On Thursday, I decided to work on the preparing for St. Mary’s High School project; specifically, I wanted to find school uniform pants for my daughters. It turned out that we have hand-me-down pants that will fit Mary. Hannah needs new pants. I also thought that I would help Mary to remove some of the stuffed animals from her bed (and declutter or organize all the ones in her room) and get her new bedding, since hers was kind of old and worn. After a trip to the mall, where we didn’t buy any pants or bedding, but bought new pillows and some closet, organizing tools, Mary and I started organizing the dolls. This somehow turned into an all day declutter and organize the whole room project. I felt OK about it because they were motivated, and though I wasn’t planning on doing this anytime soon, it is part of the third project on my list: home assignments. That project involves decluttering and finding homes for all the things we are keeping.

On Friday, I finished decluttering my bathroom and the living room, and then my daughter Rachel, asked if we could declutter the school room. That’s what we call a large room above our garage, where we used to all homeschool, and what is currently Rachel‘s bedroom. You can see it in the room tour, but it didn’t look anything like that on Friday. (Why didn’t I take before and after pictures?) Anyway, just imagine piles of books, clothes, games, DVD’s, nail polishes, and papers.

I couldn’t say no to someone wanting to declutter with me! So we methodically went through the room clockwise, discussing all of the items we picked up, and either keeping them or putting them into one of the boxes: GIVE AWAY ( to donate or sell), PUT AWAY (belongs in another room), KEEP – STORAGE (is going somewhere in the basement), TRASH, and PAPER TRASH. I will go through the books at another time and I have a cabinet of photos, memorabilia and scrapbook supplies that will become another project someday, but we consider the room finished. I think we worked till about 11:30 at night I was all-in.

On Saturday, I had plans in the morning, but in the afternoon I worked on the dining room and my kitchen desk area. Then I was too tired to do anymore.

If you’ve read this blog, or know me in real life, you know that I’ve been trying to “finish” this decluttering and finding a place for everything project for years. My father keeps telling me that I will never catch up on home maintenance. I think he means that there will always be chores to do and something to fix. I agree with him on that. But I envision having a place for everything and everything in its place. I desire to have every room maintained as well as I would if I was going to put the house on the market. I understand that when I get to that point, I will need to continue to fix things when they break and to do chores daily, weekly, monthly, seasonally, and annually to maintain it. But I’m not giving up on my goal of getting to that point.

I think I see this project as similar to my transformation challenges. (In which I followed a strict meal plan and difficult, time-consuming strength training workouts, along with cardio, for eight weeks or more.) Both require a large commitment, and a lot of work. They seem overwhelming if I look from where I am at the beginning, to where I want to be at the end. But if I just take it one day at a time, and do the next task, I make progress. Over a period of time, I can reach my goals. The extreme, tedious actions are only temporary. Then, I can maintain what I have achieved with good habits.

At the beginning of 2024, I wrote three posts on habits, routines, and resolutions. This is my post on projects. I am thinking about how I can work on my projects in a more balanced way, without giving up my habits, routines, and resolutions.  I also see the value in going “all-in” with a project when you’re in the mood and when you have willing helpers.

I think my next post will be about systems. I’ve been tweaking my current system of index cards and a big fat planner. I’d love to write about it soon.

Winter Sentiments

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This afternoon, my daughter, Rachel, and I were decluttering up in the school room, which is also her bedroom. (Mary and I homeschool in the living room nowadays.) Rachel got rid of a bunch of squishies. I let go of some jigsaw puzzles and a stack of homeschooling papers about 2 inches thick. And once again, I made a little pile of school books to either sell, donate or throw away, a pile for my library, and a pile of “I don’t know yets.”

I did all of this very quickly. Having my daughter in the room with me seemed to help me make decisions, instead of putting them off. I think I accepted the reality that I will no longer be planning another school year. I was able to express this to my daughter and to say out loud that it is sad that I don’t have those little kids anymore. But I still have those kids. They’re just older now. I told her how I loved reading picture books and doing Five in a Row activities. I told her that I started homeschooling in 2004, so I will have done it for exactly 20 years. And how it’s hard letting go of those booklists that I’ve kept for so long, but I also want to move on…

Then I took a shower and felt the sadness. I miss little Matthew, my oldest son, who’s moved out. We spent so much time together. I watched him grow into a young man. And he’s a good one. Yesterday, I think he was plowing parking lots during the snowstorm. I remember him in his puffy little snowsuit, pretending to snow-blow our driveway. I would wonder if I should tell him to come inside when it was freezing out and he was having so much fun.

I know I can let go of more material possessions. And it’s good to feel my feelings and let them go too. Even after I decide, it takes a bit of work to get everything out of the house. It’ll be worth it though. I think I’m getting prepared for the next phase of my life. I don’t know what that will look like, but I don’t need to know. I believe that I will be led. I am on a journey. I plan to travel light.

Home Assignments

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One of the projects I’m currently working on is assigning homes for all of my personal possessions and the items my family shares. I’ve come to realize that when an item doesn’t have a home, it makes it very hard to put it away. Where does it go? It usually ends up somewhere it doesn’t belong and it becomes clutter. I think this is the way piles are born.

I started this last year. I took some old sheets of paper and sketched the places where things are stored in each room. So in my bedroom, for example, I sketched the nightstand drawers and my dresser drawers. Then, I wrote in tiny letters what goes in those drawers. I did the same for my closet, the bathroom cabinets, etc. Now, when I want to tidy up or declutter, I can look at those sketches and see what should be in those drawers or on those shelves. The extra items will need to be tossed or assigned homes.

So far, I’ve gone through my kitchen desk, the pantry, the living room, and my bedroom. I purged a lot, and I’m starting to gather up a little collection of things I don’t know what to do with. They are mostly gifts that we don’t need, and probably won’t use, but they’re in perfectly good condition. Maybe donations?

I’ve also found things that require some action, such as: gift cards to be used up, new felt pads and socks for our kitchen chairs, and parts of things that need to be repaired. I’ve been trying to do those tasks.

I felt like writing about this tonight to motivate myself. I like to see in writing the purpose, which is really the benefit of the project. It also gives me clarity. It’s like telling a kindred spirit my ideas about simplifying my life. There’s so much scope for imagination.

That Twirling Feeling

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The first purchase I can remember.

I’m taking photos and letting it go. I can’t say that about most of the possessions I’ve looked at during my April Declutter Challenge. Letting go is not easy.

These are the areas or categories I have gone through so far: DVD’s, the TV stand and end tables, sheet music (Sarah did it), the hutch, my nightstand, my clothing, my dresser, my closet, my books, the master bathroom closet and vanity, the foyer closet, my kitchen desk cabinets, the kitchen cabinets and drawers, the fridge and freezer, the utility closet, the pantry, the extra closet, the mudroom, the 1/2 bath cabinets and drawers, the upstairs bathroom closet and vanity, art supplies, fiction books, picture books, scrapbooking supplies, photos, planners, office supplies, homeschool curricula… Phew!

I know it’s boring, I just wanted to see what I have accomplished. I’ve been stuck in the school room/Rachel’s bedroom for at least two weeks. Sometimes it’s been emotional. I am planning to homeschool for one more year. My youngest child (who will be a teenager in a week!) will be an eighth grader next year and will likely go to high school, as her siblings did. I’m letting go of curricula that I know we won’t be using next year, or ever.

I’ve felt sadness about not using some of the things I had planned to use. There are so many unfulfilled ideas/desires. There’s also a sadness from the good memories I have of being in that room with my beautiful, little children. It’s the same feeling I get during the movie You’ve Got Mail. If you haven’t seen it, then this is a spoiler alert. If you have seen it, then you might understand. Kathleen Kelly (Meg Ryan) is closing the bookstore that her late mother used to own before she owned it. After going through the process of selling everything but the shelving, she comes to her last night alone in the store. She looks back at the almost empty room and sees a memory of her mother twirling her around when she was a little girl. Add in the dramatic music and I get a lump in my throat every time. It’s that happy and sad at the same time kind of feeling. It’s the grieving of lost moments that will never return, mixed with gratitude that you were blessed to experience them.

I remember the excitement I’d feel at the beginning of a homeschool year. I was so hopeful. I loved planning, setting up the space, getting organized… I so enjoyed reading aloud while they were drawing…. Of course, they didn’t enjoy doing a lot of the work. It was far from perfect. But we had some good times. And just like that… it’s over.

I want to let the past go, appreciate the fine people that they are today, and enjoy my present lifestyle. In many ways, it’s better than the “old days.” But I am keeping many of the books that we own. I don’t know if this is prudent or if I might be trying to hang onto the past. I have this idea in my head that someday I’ll have a cute little library in whatever home I live in. Sure, we are not using these books now, but we might use them someday. Am I making excuses? Am I too attached to material possessions? Actually, I was gonna get rid of more of the picture books, but the kids wouldn’t let me. We kept a lot that I wouldn’t miss.

After books, I moved on to scrapbooks and there are a lot to finish. And photos… there are a lot to scan. All of that will have to wait until I finish decluttering the whole house, and other projects that are higher priority. My daughter, Rachel, is graduating from high school at the end of this month. I have made graduation slideshows for each of the three older children and it is expected that I will make one for Rachel. This will be a very large project. I took the first step yesterday by bringing my laptop to a repair shop.

When I was feeling scared and overwhelmed, this passage kept me going. It was on a calendar in the closet. Just what I needed to see at that April moment.

“I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit, because without me, you can do nothing.”

John 15:5

So true.

Whether I’m letting go or not letting go, I am not alone.

April Habit of the Month

/ Cheryl Wilcox / 1 Comment

Do you remember I wrote about the Flylady’s Habit of the Month?

January: Shine your sink (success!)

February: Declutter for 15 minutes a day (failed)

March: Dress to shoes (success!)

April: Make your bed (Baby say whaaaaat?!)

I already make my bed regularly. So for April, I’m giving myself another chance to succeed with the February habit. I’m calling it a “challenge” and I’m tracking my progress on a pretty little paper I found on this website. I just finished the first week.

Before I started, I think I was having some anxiety about failing again. I have been trying to declutter and organize my house completely for 25 years. Why haven’t I done it yet? I start, and then I get sidetracked. Check this out.

This book was published in 1981, and I believe it was the inspiration for the Flylady’s methods. I’ve been wanting to read it for years. I suddenly had the urge to read it, after I had just said I don’t need to read more books on simplifying in my action faking a.k.a. procrastinating post. So what did I do? I signed up for an Internet Archive account, and I borrowed it. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it, though sometimes it kept me up way past my “bedtime.”

I was extremely tempted to buy all the supplies to set up my 3 x 5 index card file and try-out their cleaning method. But then it occurred to me that this might be action faking. Was I trying to avoid my feelings about starting the decluttering challenge? Was I worried that I wasn’t capable of finishing what I start?

We can’t endlessly prepare if we want real results.

I resisted the temptation. I told myself that if I really want to start a new cleaning method, I can do it after I finish decluttering the whole house. For now, I will focus one day at a time on making progress. I will trust that God will help me if I continue to ask him for help.

I am using the Sidetracked Home Executives’ strategy for putting the house in order. It’s basically: start at the front door and go clockwise through the house, decluttering drawers, cabinets, and closets. Skip the kitchen and do it when you finish the rest of the first floor. Then, go upstairs and work your way around clockwise from the stairs. Then, go to the basement and work clockwise from those stairs. Then finally, clockwise around the garage. Sounds simple enough.

The S.H.E.’s say that the disorder in their house happened because they closed the doors on it. “Psychiatrists call it repression. We called it all dressed up with a dirty neck.” I really enjoyed their sense of humor.

I also liked hearing the origin stories of many of the tools I’ve used for years. When I declutter, I usually sort into these boxes: GIVE AWAY, PUT AWAY, and THROW AWAY. (I call it TRASH.) I learned that they came up with the PUT AWAY box as an “anti-sidetracking device”. It was the breakthrough they were looking for because when they would go return items to other rooms, they would get sidetracked. With this “innovation” they would stay glued to the spot they were working on. I have added another box from this book called STORAGE. It’s suggested that these items get put aside in an area to be sorted when I’m ready to set up the storage area.

The first struggle I have encountered this week has been thinking that I have a long way to go. This was addressed in the book. “Don’t be discouraged at how long a job takes.” They say it takes the average person six weeks to work her way back to the front door, and maybe twelve weeks if you work outside of the home. And it took them three months. They say to keep reminding yourself, “I didn’t get myself into this mess overnight, and I’m not going to get out of it overnight.”

I’m just happy that I’m taking real action, and I am confident that I will have real results.

Action Faking

/ Cheryl Wilcox / 1 Comment
SUMMIT One Vanderbilt, NYC

This will be a post about procrastination.

A woman came running over to tell me that she was decluttering all the extra chairs that she took from her mom‘s house when her mom passed away a few months ago. She really didn’t need them. She had heard from my mother, about how I helped my mother get rid of the clutter in her home when she downsized. I told her honestly about how I keep decluttering the “downstairs”, which is what we call the first floor of our home. And how I never quite get around to the basement, which has piles of crap in it. The “upstairs”, or second floor, is mostly filled with stuff belonging to my children/young adults. Although, the school room contains a lot of my stuff too.

Today I was sorting through papers. I have these manila folders full of notes and PDF’s. I have a decluttering folder, an organizing time folder, an education folder… you get the idea. I’ve decided that I no longer need all of these notes. There was one paper that got me thinking while I was in the shower, which is one of the best places to think. It had notes about action faking, that were most likely from a YouTube video.

Action faking is procrastinating. It’s doing what we’re comfortable with and taking only the uncommitted actions. It does little to lead to actual progress.

Why are we action faking?

What are we trying to avoid?

Maybe there’s some kind of suffering attached?

Or not believing we’re capable?

This reminded me of the body transformation challenge that I am currently doing. Before I started, I was afraid. I wasn’t sure if I was capable of doing it. I talked about it with my father, who wondered if I would be able to finish it, and my mother, who was worried I’d lose too much weight, and my kids, who probably didn’t say much about it. When I told Bobby about the eight week challenge, he said, “Of course you could do that for seven weeks.” I corrected him by again telling him it was eight weeks, and he repeated, “Seven weeks is no problem.” (He’s my cheerleader.)

Well, it turned out, I started it two weeks early so now it’s a 10 week challenge and I’ve already finished seven weeks of it. It isn’t easy, but I’m not doing it alone. I know that God is helping me, because I keep asking him. I say things like, “Please help me to get through this next set.”

From my notes:

We may never feel completely ready.

Just take a step forward.

We can’t endlessly prepare if we want real results.

Decide what your first real action is, schedule it, and do it.

Avoidance creates the anxiety.

I’m not sure if all of that is true, but I know one thing, I am getting results in the challenge because I have been taking action.

I suspect this is why I haven’t been getting the results I want from my decluttering for the past 25 years. I’ve been just doing what I’m comfortable with, which is the downstairs. I’ve also been action faking/procrastinating by reading, watching YouTube videos, collecting notes on the subject… getting ready.

I had a college professor, who would say that if you read five books on a subject, you’re an expert. Well, I am an expert on simplifying, decluttering, minimalism, or whatever you would call it. I’ve probably read more than 40 books on the subject. I don’t believe that knowledge is power. It may give me some advantage, but without action directed toward my goal, I’m not gonna get there.

I believe prayer is powerful. God supplies the power. I’m going to pray that I will stop getting ready and start taking action. My first step is going to be getting rid of some of these action faking papers. I know what to do.

Experiment #1 Results

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Here is where I’ll tell you what I learned from Experiment #1: Downsizing Eyes.

The Experiment

Imagine you are moving into a tiny one bedroom home next week.  It has a small living room, kitchen, bathroom, and very little extra storage.  What would you take with you?  What are your favorite things?  What do you use all the time?  What is most important?

What I Did

  1. I made a list of all of the areas in my home that hold items I use and/or own.  I did not include my children’s bedrooms, my husband’s study, or the shed in our yard.
  2. In each area, I examined the items found there and thought about what I would do with each one (in the experiment scenario). Would I take it with me? Should I declutter it right now?
  3. I got rid of 8 useless items and a 1 inch stack of paper.
  4. I took notes about what I got rid of, and what items I would want to take with me.
  5. I analyzed my notes taking frequency of use into account.

What I Learned

  1.  I’m almost a minimalist! I realized that most of the items in my home do not belong to me. And many of the items that belong to my husband and me, I would let go of when we downsized. I think the reason I don’t want to call myself a “minimalist” quite yet is because there are two areas in my home that I haven’t “finished” yet.  They are the basement, (where I’ll be asking my husband and my kids if they are ready to part with their stuff) and two shelves in the school room closet that contain photographs and memorabilia. Once I finish decluttering those two areas I’ll be there.
  2.  I really don’t need many possessions.  I think glasses and contact lenses would actually be my most important items.  Living without those would be very difficult.  The next most important items would be the ones I use daily and weekly.  These are toiletries, clothing, appliances, tools, some furniture and kitchenware, journals, books, my iphone, cleaning supplies, office supplies, my money belt, laptop, and van.
  3.  I discovered what items are important to me.  Although I could live without all of these, I am happy to have DVD’s, slideshows, and scrapbooks of my family.  I love that I have the crucifix that used to hang above my grandparents’ bed, and a few items that were meaningful to them.  I also love certain framed prints hanging on my walls and books sitting on my shelves even though I know that they are replaceable.
  4. The way I see my home has changed. As I knew before I started, this experiment didn’t help me to get rid of any of my husband or my children’s possessions. I have often felt overwhelmed by the amount of stuff in our home.  It felt like I was always trying to catch up and I was always going to be behind.  I think this has helped me to see reality more clearly.  I can easily take care of my own stuff.  I can set boundaries and my family members can take care of their own stuff.  I am also reminded by my mother’s experience, that this is only a season in my life. I am grateful that I still have the presence of these wonderful people in our home.
  5. I can focus on maintenance.  (That is, after I go through my last two areas.) I have a tendency to procrastinate dealing with paperwork.  I can focus on keeping up with the paper coming in and not allowing my kitchen desk to accumulate clutter. I can work with my family on the habit of putting items back into their homes. When we do our regular kitchen, bathroom and laundry chores, the house looks good.  If we add in tidying up our own stuff once or twice a day, then it will look even better.

In Conclusion

I plan to set aside time to work on the last two areas. I’ll be calling myself a minimalist by the end of 2020!  I will also get the whole family involved in consistently taking care of our home and possessions. Maybe that will be one of my next experiments.

 

 

Experiment #1: Downsizing Eyes

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6BBC3B66-1EB1-4505-9FD3-E088D48A7849My step father passed away on December 27, 2019. He and my mother had lived together for thirty years.  They weren’t pack rats, and they were fairly organized and clean.  For the past few months I’ve watched (and sometimes helped) my mother give away and throw away their possessions in order to downsize.  I helped my mother buy a one bedroom condo, which is closer in proximity to my sister and me.  Then two weeks ago, we helped her move the possessions she wanted to keep into the new condo.  Last weekend, she decided she wanted to put her house on the market by the end of the week, and yesterday it was listed.

For five days we spring cleaned, painted, posted items on the “letgo” app, gave items to their new owners, and filled up a 15 yard dumpster.  Then on the sixth and seventh days, I rested.  Today, I’m thinking about the whole experience.

Letting go of a home you lived in for forty years as you grieve the loss of your spouse is my mother’s story.  Saying good-bye to my childhood home and remembering my step father and my grandparents, who also have passed away, and who were a big part of my life back then, is my story; but not where I’m going with this today.  I’m pondering the downsizing of material possessions.

Those who know me well, know that this is a big topic of interest for me. Decluttering, purging stuff, minimalism, voluntary poverty, and downsizing… they are all related in my mind.  And now I have this fresh, first-hand experience (not my own) of answering the questions:  What do I want? What do I need? What am I willing to let go of?

It’s hard not to notice the fact that I will one day go through this downsizing myself, or if I die first, my family will be throwing out and giving away my possessions.  So why am I keeping things that I do not use on a regular basis?  It motivates me to do another pass through my home with the eyes of a downsizer.

Experiment #1:

Imagine you are moving into a tiny one bedroom home next week.  It has a small living room, kitchen, bathroom, and very little extra storage.  What would you take with you?  What are your favorite things?  What do you use all the time?  What is most important?

This will not help me to get rid of any of my husband’s or my children’s belongings.  And I will, of course, need to keep many extra articles of furniture and shared items in the common areas.  But let’s see how this experiment will affect my own stash of personal belongings.  Results will be the subject of a future post.

Why Haven’t I Finished Yet?

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I have been decluttering ever since I moved out of my Mom’s house around thirty years ago.  I found out letting go of possessions was a thing about ten years later.  And I have been an aspiring minimalist since I first heard the word “minimalist” about ten years ago.  So why can’t I get through my whole house and be done with it?

I realize that I will not actually finish, as in never having to declutter my home again.  I expect to go through all of the rooms, annually perhaps, to remove those items we didn’t end up using much, or maybe things we are finally ready to let go of now that another year has passed.  What I am really asking is: why can’t I get through the whole house?

I know I am repeating areas previously finished again and again, getting sidetracked with other projects, watching lots of movies, taking care of my family and basically, living life. But is there a reason why I can’t seem to finish?  Is it not a priority?  Am I afraid to finish?  Am I procrastinating because it’s hard work?  What’s the deal?

Here is where I am currently perceiving myself to be with this project.

These areas are finished:

  • The van
  • the living room
  • the dining room
  • the master bedroom
  • my clothing
  • Bobby’s clothing
  • Sarah’s clothing
  • Sarah’s room
  • the foyer
  • the linen closet
  • the master bathroom
  • the upstairs bathroom
  • the laundry room
  • the kitchen
  • the pantry
  • the utility closet

These areas were finished (maybe last year), but need to be gone through again:

  • the girls’ room
  • Joseph’s room
  • Joseph’s clothing
  • Rachel’s clothing
  • Hannah’s clothing
  • Mary’s clothing
  • the mudroom
  • the extra closet
  • my kitchen desk
  • the schoolroom

These are the areas that have never been finished:

  •  the basement
  • the garage
  • the sentimental items
  • the digital items

These are areas I do not include in this project at all:

  • the study
  • the shed

Looking at this list sheds some light on why I haven’t finished yet. That’s a lot of areas!!!  Is it even possible to be a minimalist and be responsible for all of these areas?  I don’t know. But I do think I see the light at the end of the tunnel. It doesn’t take much time to go through the repeat areas. Then, there are only four main problem areas and sentimental is almost decluttered, so that leaves three that I think are doable with a little laser focus.  I can do this!

Decluttering Sentimental Items

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I woke up to the beautiful sound of rain last Thursday morning, and I decided to start working on the VHS-C tape project. My son has been asking me to finish putting these family home movies onto DVD’s. So I worked on it most of that day, and Sunday too. I’ll be continuing this project (when I have the time) until I finish it.

While the movies were recording, I decluttered the school room and went through what I call the “sentimental items”. I organized by categories and made a list of “Sentimental Projects” to be completed at some time in the future. (Winter might be a good time to work on these.)  So basically, I decluttered the sentimental items and made another To Do list! You can see photos below of: my current project’s mess, the pile of photos to scan, my decluttering checklist, and my new Sentimental Projects list. Making progress!