Today I let myself feel the sadness I have been holding in about my oldest daughter moving out in less than a week. At 24 years old, she’s renting her first apartment, and will be moving to Amherst to work on a graduate degree in collaborative piano at UMASS. I’ve been happy for her. It’s time. She’s ready.

But it doesn’t take away the grief that I think is natural with a change like this. I think that Jo March of Little Women would understand these feelings of loss. I vaguely recall her describing them. The sisters were together all the time, until they weren’t. It’s going to be different for sure.

Today I picked up a bunch of boxes at the store where my sister works. We talked briefly. She understands. Sarah and I packed up some of her stuff this afternoon. It’s times like these that make me think about my priorities. I think of how I could listen better, be more attentive, be present, and love more. I also feel grateful for the many blessings in my life. I don’t need to keep busy or be afraid to feel unpleasant feelings. It’s necessary to feel them and to let them go. I am not alone and never will be.

I remember when my oldest son moved out and how much it hurt. I thought… I’m gonna have to go through this five more times?

But then you forget. And then I grieved the loss of homeschooling. I moved on and forgot about the sadness.

This summer has been so busy, and even though I knew it was coming, I didn’t really allow myself the time to think about it too much. But here I am letting go again. And now I’m thinking… this isn’t gonna be happening four more times, this is gonna be happening for the rest of my life.

And maybe it just means that I’m blessed to have so many special people in my life.